To not be very forgiving

[KerryAnnexoxo]

Long time lurker, first time poster. Really struggling atm, three months ago I found sexual texts on my partners phone and plans to meet someone else I confronted him and he said he never went ahead with his plans to meet and did it because I wasn't showing him enough attention, I then found more to her and others a couple weeks after this, I rang one of them who said they had been sleeping together. I kicked him out and was on my own with four kids, one being newborn so decided to try and sort things out with him. The more I dwell on it the more annoyed I am that his excuse is because I couldn't give him attention when I'd just given birth and was homeschooling the other children. I don't know if this will help typing this out but right now I feel very alone.

You need to decide if you can forgive him or not. If you can’t, and you’re just going to resent him and harbour anger about it, you need to split up.

You can’t just throw it back in his face for years to come. If you can’t get over it, the relationship is over.

He sounds horrible. You’ve done nothing wrong, you deserve better.

Get rid

You can forgive him if it makes you feel better, while still recognising that he will make you unhappy and is totally unappreciative and not want to be in a relationship with him.

Wow what an absolute arsehole. Playing on your emotions coz you will have been all up and down/hormones/feeling unattractive after giving birth/busy/tired and a million more mum problems. You and your kids deserve better. Once a cheat always a cheat. I'd be throwing him out

Can you ever trust him again? Fair enough you want help with a new baby, they are a lot of work, but do you really want him back forever? What happens the next time you don’t feel like sex for a few weeks? Will he be off shagging somebody off the internet.

I'm sorry he's done that to you it is horrible behaviour and for me the fact there is more than one other person involved makes me think this is more than him feeling 'unappreciated'.

AIBU gets a lot of traffic and I can't see many people thinking YABU but if I was you I would ask to move this thread to Relationships where you will also get practical advice to help you plan what to do next.

FWIW, I know this doesn't bare thinking about right now but these things tend to be the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully its just one off behaviour, but he needs to understand what he has done and make real steps to behave like a husband and father if your relationship is to be saved.

I was trying to build up my confidence but this has knocked me back. Yes, I probably was cold and snappy with him but I was in pain and exhausted. He had been trying to make an effort but he's back to being on his phone constantly and I've become so paranoid. Whereas before I completely trusted him.

I could never forgive or forget

If you’re paranoid and don’t trust him then you don’t have a relationship.

Erm.... he’s an asshat.

You were exhausted after giving birth- so he should have been supporting you, not getting up to god knows what. Trust is like a pie crust- easily broken and not able to be fixed.

You can get, and deserve better than someone who is going to sleep around and then blame you for it.

Move on

Basically, he's made the fact that he chose to have an affair your fault. Are you really going to put up with this shit, or just wait until the next time he cheats? There will be a next time.

Sounds like you have an extra dc.
Get rid op.

Yes, Relationship thread seems more suitable after looking on there, I have only read AIBU threads before. How would I request to change it? @dr

He had been trying to make an effort but he's back to being on his phone constantly and I've become so paranoid.

If its an effort for him to remain faithful to you then you he's not the partner you need.

I could never forgive and forget ...your mental health will suffer hugely if you try.
Once the trust is gone the relationship is over.
You deserve better, please do not blame yourself. He is a grown adult who has consciously made this decision, it's not your fault. He's showing you the true him... believe him

I think you report it, let me give it a try.

He's an awful pe rson . He's cheating repeatedky, blaming you and not stepping up as a father. I'm sorry o p I think you should leave him.

This is not forgivable , and if it happened during covid I am even more horrified he valued his ego and dick over your health and his kids health

Basically he cheated on you when you'd just had his baby... and then tried to blame you for it.

He is denying they have even slept together and she is now denying ever saying this to me on the phone. I wish I could believe they haven't slept together but she knew about him having his phone off one particular night where she said he was with her, she's now denying everything and thinks it's hilarious. His car was seen in the area she lives, he said he was just sitting in the car for hours.

He is letting you be the excuses of his affair, it is no one's fault but his. I don't care if u snapped at him 100 times, he could of broke it off but instead he put his dick in another woman. You deserve better, get rid

You will drive yourself crazy with this, you don't seem to be able to forgive him, rightly so in my opinion.

I think it would be better for you to ask him to leave for a bit to give you some space to see how you really feel.

There's nothing to forgive as he isn't sorry.

In this sort of situation, forgiveness is overrated.

Focus on yourself.