How can you possibly move on with your life when your ex won’t let you. So drained.

[funinthesun19]

I have so many goals and hopes and dreams now that I’m out of the toxic dysfunctional relationship that I was in for a decade.
But my ex just will not let me go. Won’t let me move onwards with my life because he’s so unhappy. This leaves me feeling guilty and responsible for his happiness. He won’t take steps to find his own happiness or make his own life easier. It’s like I have the magic wand and the only thing he wants me to do is take him back. After everything that happened I just cannot do it. He’s had countless chances over the years and now I’m done.

I just want to be happy and focus on rebuilding myself and giving my children the best life possible. And it’s frustrating that he’s still got a hold over me!

As others have said you need to stop engaging with him.

The kids are going back to school use this as the opportunity to get a routine

Tell him he can see the children every Saturday 10-4 and take them Out

There is nothing else to talk about. No property. No CMS. Just his access to the children. Stop engaging with anything else. Ignore block or say I am sorry to hear that. Don't rescue him. Don't try and solve his problems. He is a big boy with family to support him. None of this is your responsibility.

It is time you lived your life. Without this dead weight in your life.

Don't let him have every Saturday, you need a weekend with your DC.

Say he can take them out for tea every Wednesday after school and have them every other Saturday 9-5pm - I'm sure he'll argue for less! He can take them to visit family or to the park etc up to him to sort out.

where he is living or whether he has gas or electric isn’t your problem. He is an adult, he chooses. You are not his manager. You don’t need to be having anything to do with his living arrangements. What he thinks of you is irrelevant.

Have you considered that a big part of why he sees the children is that he sees you at the same time? Gets to poke around your house and check up on you. Every Saturday means you won't be able to ever date which he knows full well.

Maybe you could invent a 'therapist' who social services have 'told you' to see and that therapist has told you that you can't continue to have the contact you do, him in your home etc that it's not healthy for you or the children? The therapist could tell you to do all kinds of things. Communicate in a certain way (via text on a different phone to your main one or even a shared google calendar).

The therapist could tell you that it's not healthy for him to rely on you and that it's in his best interests to cut ties more cleanly. Make it all about what an expert has told you is best for him and your children. Bang a few therapy speak buzz words in and just say things 'I'm very sorry but I've been advised not to discuss that.' Etc.

Oh and I would tell his family. What they do or don't do is up to them. You are simply communicating your concern and giving them information. An email would be best. You don't want to get into a conversation with them and I wouldn't read their reply or take phone called/texts from them.

He cheated for years. He doesn't get to do this shit.

Oh and you should tell them exactly why you split up. Including the cheating. He doesn't get to play poor me.

I've been there and my ex had a few suicide attempts too. It was very difficult. I know it's hard and get everything you're feeling so there's no point in me going over it....The only possible solution is to detach.

AND the only way that they will move on and start making a new life for themselves is when you really do detach.

It's actually not doing him any good to pander to him and allow this limbo to continue, you're enabling it and it's actually not even in his best interests....so you're putting up with this shit even though it's not in his best interests, you need to realise that and let it sink in.