Dating two guys.... can’t decide!! Please help

[Confusedwalker]

Ive found myself in an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable position

I’ve found myself dating two guys at once and now o don’t know what to do.

The first guy I was set up on a blind date with by a close friend. It got off to a rocky start as he ignored my messages a couple of times for up to a week so I presumed he wasnt interested.
In that time I found myself on OLD and met the second boy. He was different as we spoke very easily over text and wanted to meet pretty much straight away.
I blew this off a few times as boy #1 was poking his head in again and we eventually met.
Date went well although the initial attraction wasn’t there he grew on me as the night went on and we ended in a kiss.
Fast forward I ended up in a first date with #2 a week later as #1 had stoped responding to texts again.
Wasn’t that fussed by #2 but we met up and got on great!!!

Now I’ve had 2 dates with both guys and as it’s my birthday round the corner they’re both talking about making plans and seeing me. I feel completely caught in the middle and don’t know what to do.
Boy #2 seems to be talking about future plans more and if I’m honest I don’t want to move quickly with EITHER boy after my past relationships

What do I do!!
Do I continue to date both? (Nothing past kissing has happened yet and I wouldn’t sleep with more than 1 person anyway)
I also need to disclose I have HSV so I feel that throws another spanner in the works (thanks cheating ex!)

Any advice would be welcomed!

You've only had a couple of dates with each. I'd carry on a bit and see. I'd be warier of the future-talking one than the other, as it is such early days.

You don't need to see either for your birthday, presumably you have friends and family who would take priority anyway.

Tell them both you are busy seeing friends family on bday.
Take it slow with both and see who you prefer op, seems to be a huge rush and there doesn’t need to be.

Do they know about each other or do they think you’re exclusive?

If you don’t like either enough to stop seeing other, you’re probably better with neither of them. See friends on your birthday.

#1 sounds like too much hard work, and you don't sound that into #2. I'd ditch them both and concentrate on finding someone more suitable.

Thanks both!
I agree with the rushing thing but feel it’s more so coming from them rather than me. Hence the panic haha
I’m just not used to talking to more than one guy but I think that’s where I’ve failed in the past but putting all my eggs in one basket.

In regards to my birthday I meant the days following rather than my birthday day as it’s over bank holiday weekend.

I have thrown in hints that I’ll be seeing friends (even if I don’t!) to avoid any awkwardness

@PurpleDaisies

Do they know about each other or do they think you’re exclusive?

If you don’t like either enough to stop seeing other, you’re probably better with neither of them. See friends on your birthday.

We haven’t discussed exclusively at all as it’s only 2 dates in!

@CeibaTree

#1 sounds like too much hard work, and you don't sound that into #2. I'd ditch them both and concentrate on finding someone more suitable.

I suppose you’re right! I’m more into them that I’ve probably expressed, I just didn’t want to ramble in my first post.

Both I’m attracted to and both have traits that I would want in a long term partner basically :)

If you're feeling rushed by them, put the brakes on, don't let them control the pace. Chances are it's trying to get you into bed quick for the pump&dump or it's love-bombing. Take your time. Ditch the pushy ones.

Number 1 would be out for me as I wouldnt put up with someone ignoring my messages.

If you’re feeling pressured then take a step back and say you’re already with friends etc that day.

I’m being thick but what’s HSV? And is this something they should know about

Number 1 seems like he's going to continue to dick you around.

I'd be checking out number 3, number 4, etc.

My advice is what I was told when I was in your position. It's annoying but true. Give it another couple of dates each, if you're still in the same undecided position then neither of these men are right for you. Your partner should be easier to spot than that if you know what I mean.

Otherwise just enjoy it for what it is. And plan round your birthday, maybe spend your actual birthday with family and do things around your birthday with these guys.

@Greendays557

My advice is what I was told when I was in your position. It's annoying but true. Give it another couple of dates each, if you're still in the same undecided position then neither of these men are right for you. Your partner should be easier to spot than that if you know what I mean.

Otherwise just enjoy it for what it is. And plan round your birthday, maybe spend your actual birthday with family and do things around your birthday with these guys.

This has also crossed my mind that if I REALLY liked one then I wouldn’t be having this debate in my mind. But I also feel like it’s very early days. Although I understand the notion that if he’s right you’ll know but I don’t know how realistic that is in today’s world!

Unless you’re a teenager please stop calling them ‘boys’!

No 1 has messed you around already. Wouldn’t have bothered with him any more after he ignored you after your first date.

Inappropriate and lacking in social skills, at best, for No 2 to talk about the future after 2 dates. If he starts with that again would ask him not to.

Wouldn’t see either of them around your birthday unless its convenient and you want to: if so just schedule them in!

1 has been messing you around already and you don’t sound remotely arsed about 2. In fact, if you have to ask which one to go for, it’s perfectly clear that you don’t really want either.
Throw these back and try again.

@Dozer

Unless you’re a teenager please stop calling them ‘boys’!

No 1 has messed you around already. Wouldn’t have bothered with him any more after he ignored you after your first date.

Inappropriate and lacking in social skills, at best, for No 2 to talk about the future after 2 dates. If he starts with that again would ask him not to.

Wouldn’t see either of them around your birthday unless its convenient and you want to: if so just schedule them in!

Haha, sorry! Definitely not a teenager. I was more so trying to work out how best to explain the situation over what I was calling them

Thanks for your advice!

Absolute no brainer, go for no.2.
No.1 sounds like an absolute knob who picks you up when he feels like it. Who doesn’t have time to reply to a text for days?!

I’d go for no.2 - spend time with him, see how it goes and if that doesn’t work out then I’m sure there’s a no.3 out there waiting for you. I really wouldn’t bother with someone who can’t make the bear minimum of effort at the stage of a relationship where he should be keen.

*Number 1 seems like he's going to continue to dick you around.

I'd be checking out number 3, number 4, etc.*

This.

*BARE minimum, not minimum

Get rid of #1. Ignoring your texts is not on.

What do you mean by "future plans"?

I wonder if people here think he's talking about serious future plans like living together or babies when maybe he's just talking about nice things you might do together?

If you genuinely look forward to seeing #2 then see him again if you want to. But if you're just of the mindset you think you should give him a chance but not actually looking forward to seeing him much then you're putting his feelings before yours already - I'd get rid and do some work on your self esteem.

Eityer way, while you're still dating and not committed carry on looking for #3 and #4.

Hope you have a lovely birthday whatever you do.

So abit more context for #1

We were set up by a very good friend of mine as he is her boyfriends best friend, so I had abit of inside knowledge before hand.

He doesn’t date basically. When we first started texting he said to my friend he would rather get to know someone in person rather than over text. He just uses text to arrange meeting basically. Not a lot of chit chat in between like I’m used to.

I did mention it the last time I saw him and since then I’ve noticed a massive step up in his texts.

It’s weird but it did mean when we met up we had loads to talk about and discover about each other as it wasn’t all stated in text.

#2 is quite the opposite and we will text a lot, which is what I’m more used to

@needaMNnamegenerator

Get rid of #1. Ignoring your texts is not on.

What do you mean by "future plans"?

I wonder if people here think he's talking about serious future plans like living together or babies when maybe he's just talking about nice things you might do together?

If you genuinely look forward to seeing #2 then see him again if you want to. But if you're just of the mindset you think you should give him a chance but not actually looking forward to seeing him much then you're putting his feelings before yours already - I'd get rid and do some work on your self esteem.

Eityer way, while you're still dating and not committed carry on looking for #3 and #4.

Hope you have a lovely birthday whatever you do.

Hopefully you’ve seen my update on #1 for more context :)

Yeah I think people think he’s basically asked to marry me haha! I meant that he’s always very keen to make sure I know he wants to see me again!

Thank you so much! I HATE my birthday and turning older haha

You're not under any obligation to be in a monogamous relationship with either of these guys! Just tell them both you're seeing other people. This is one thing the Americans get right - assume the single person you've met once or twice is dating other people until you have 'the conversation' and agree to only see each other. That's probably why the first dude blows hot and cold!

Thanks!
I’m from the UK but advice still stands :)

Really I'd agree with other posters you've been on a couple of dates with both, if you dont want to see either of them again you dont have to, and you can just say I'm pretty busy over my birthday but thanks for the offer. No sensitive information is required and no chats about dating other people needs to take place unless you are discussing either becoming exclusive or having sex.

You say you feel completely caught in the middle and dont know what to do, you do what you want to do. You say you dont want to rush into relationships with either due to past experiences but you are now in a situation where both are making decisions about your birthday which you dont feel you can say no to.

Have you had problems asserting yourself in relationships previously, has that led you to being treated badly. OP? You dont have to do anything you dont want to do.

Date 1 mucked you around, that's enough reason to enforce a reasonable expectation and not see him. You blowed off date 2 waiting for date 1,you clearly arent into him as much, that's a good enough reason not to see him again. They are both pushing you to spend time with them over your birthday, it's fine for you to say NO, I have plans. You dont want to rush into anything with either of them, that's aperfectly reasonable boundary to assert, by asking them not to push you into something you arent ready to discuss, ie the future.

OP I think for you, I'd stop seeing both.
Not sure if I'm way off here but can I just point out a couple of things I picked up from your post. You mention that your friend set you up with date 1. Is that why you felt obliged to go on and meet him even after he mucked you around? You used words like I found myself on an online dating app, you dont find yourself online dating, that should be a conscious decision. Or i ended up on a date with him. Again going on a date with someone is something you decide to do because you want to.

I'd enjoy my birthday with friends and family and I'd also work on some boundaries, setting my bar as high as possible and learning to say no when I felt uncomfortable before even thinking about dating again.