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Original poster

Ghosted - feeling pretty sad

29 replies

Meh2020 · 21/08/2020 22:42

Just wondering if anyone wants to share their experience of being ghosted with me?

Background - started seeing a guy in Jan 2020, pretty soon he said he didn’t want to see other people, I thought was a little soon but likes him so wasn’t a problem really. Was a little on off because of Covid/our separate commitments but all going okay from early June onwards. Talking about going away in Sept Etc

Arranged a day/night date for weekend three weeks ago, saw him on the Friday unplanned, confirmed arrangements for the sat.

He text me sat saying could we meet an hour later than planned, I said fine and that’s it - haven’t heard from him since and have been blocked (I sent one message asking him to let me know he hadn’t been in a terrible accident - he read it on the sunday and then blocked me).

I honestly cannot work it out and it’s made me feel really sad. I thought we had the start of something.

Anyone had anything similar? Has anyone ever found out why they were ghosted?

By the way this is a 52 year old father of two 20 somethings.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
IncandescentSilver · 21/08/2020 22:57

Wow. Don't the manners (lack of them) of some men just astound you?

Ghosting seems to be the modus operandi of players...

Este67 · 21/08/2020 23:02

Oh I'm sorry OP, that's awful :( I've been ghosted twice since I started dating; one I saw coming & the other I didn't. They both started out very strong e.g. saying all the things you'd want to hear, romantic gestures, plans for the future etc. before suddenly cutting communication. I was so confused by the first one that I messaged asking if he was on & he just never responded. It was pretty brutal & I'm still getting over it. I think unfortunately, men are very aware nowadays that there will always be some poor woman with low self esteem willing to date them, so they treat women like disposable objects. It is absolutely not a reflection on you; there is nothing you could have done or said differently that would have prevented it. He was a love bombing, narcissistic wanker & as hard as it is to see it right now, he has done you a favour. My advice to you would be to spend some time licking your wounds, be kind to yourself, then get back on the horse when you're ready. All the best to you Daffodil

Timmytoo · 21/08/2020 23:07

Could he have been married or met someone else perhaps?

katy1213 · 21/08/2020 23:08

Bad manners and cowardice - you're well shut of him. I wonder how he'd feel if his daughters met someone as charming as he is?

bluejelly · 21/08/2020 23:11

What a tosser!

RLOU30 · 21/08/2020 23:16

My money is on his wife finding out. Sorry this happened to you 💐

Original poster
Meh2020 · 22/08/2020 00:32

Thanks all.

I’m thinking he met someone else (pretty sure he wasn’t married)

Thing is I was quite happy with it being casual and not exclusive which he knew and makes it all the more confusing if that is the case.

OP posts:
Msyoganidra32 · 22/08/2020 09:18

@Meh2020 this happened to me recently and it’s hard to work out why . In my case he def wasn’t married had never been married either. He left me on read for about three days as we were due to meet so I texted as checking the details . Then I pulled him up on it and said it’s rude so he made an excuse then left me on read again . When I looked a few days later I had been blocked.
It s so rude and cowardly as others have said. I think he changed his mind for whatever reason but couldn’t be bothered to give me an explanation.
The problem with OLD is that people are indispensable so there’s always someone else around the corner

something2say · 22/08/2020 09:24

Dating is fraught with peril! Do we like them, do they like us, do we fit, are we each decent, are we being honest etc.

We put your heart on the line and so do they. At any point it could go wrong.

I'd say this was not a strong starter, but you had hopes. Your heart has been hurt.

Take time to wrap up and start again when ready.

I had two bad ones when dating. One was an Italian guitar player who was very hot and cold. I was not used to it. I floundered a bit, but then met someone else and that's been that.

Dont you be the one to push things and dont over invest too soon. Guard your heart and see how they behave. X

Requinblanc · 22/08/2020 09:35

I would see this as a lucky escape...

This man obviously is a coward with no manners so better rid of him now than have him mess you around for a few more months.

I must say I am not a fan of online dating because dodgy behaviour and lying about your circumstances (not really single, dating several women when claiming to want to be exclusive...) seems to be so widespread.

I was also staggered that middle-aged men could behave in such an immature way when dating. Naively I thought that older people would be a bit more respectful of others, yet I found that younger men had better 'online etiquette' than guys in their late 40s/over 50 who were simply the worst...

I think you can tell that I no longer have anything to do with online dating...

crimsonlake · 22/08/2020 10:16

Sorry this has happened to you, I do not think he deserves that you waste your energy trying to work it out. Move on and go next if you have the stomach for it.
Pathetic behaviour and good luck to you going forward.

Fleabagz · 22/08/2020 10:46

Sorry this has happened to you, it's the not knowing that's the worst.

This happened to me too, I was casually dating him for 8 months, he left my house one morning and I never heard from him again, I tried contacting him a couple of times but got ghosted.
I saw him recently when I was on a walk, he stopped and chatted like everything was fine.

Easier said than done I know but forget about him and move on, you deserve better.

madcatladyforever · 22/08/2020 10:49

My husband of 20 years in his 50's totally ghosted me as if I had never existed for a new woman.
He is a disgusting coward and it really upset me because 4 years later I am still ghosted and it's as if all the wonderful things we did together over 20 years never existed and I never existed. I don't know how people can be so cruel and heartless.
I feel I've not even been left with my memories of the good times.

Prettybubblesintheair · 22/08/2020 10:56

I’m so sorry op, ghosting is such a cruel cowardly thing to do to someone. I hope you’re ok, do something nice for yourself today Flowers

poloarpanda123 · 22/08/2020 11:16

This is horrible and so cruel. I've been on my own since my marriage broke up nearly 6 years ago. I've not had any dates or anything. This is the reason why!
I've seen what my sister has been through with men since her break up (ghosted and left her in awful financial situ) and it appals me. I have learnt to live with being happy on my own with the kids. So much less stress and emotional turmoil to deal with.
This ghosting must really knock your confidence OP. I expect you are asking questions about what you did and why you aren't good enough etc.

Eyesofdisarray · 22/08/2020 11:27

So sorry OP.
Sounds immature for a man in his 50s.
Be kind to yourself Flowers

IncandescentSilver · 22/08/2020 11:45

I didn't quite get ghosted recently (I got a 3 minute phone call first before being cut out of his life) I googled ghosting, and the one that stood out as being almost comic-book ridiculous was the man whose girlfriend spotted texts from another woman while they were in bed together. Apparently, he jumped out of bed, threw his clothes on, grabbed his belongings and ran away, never to be seen or heard from again.

What on earth is happening?

Whenwillthisbeover · 22/08/2020 11:57

This is sad, more and more women are being treated as a commodity to be bought and sold, taken and thrown away without any guilt, responsibility or feeling. Like porn, like financial And emotional abuse, And now online dating,.

Why are there so many spineless horrible individuals in the world that think this is ok.

You had a lucky escape op.

Legallybleachblonde · 22/08/2020 12:18

That's really horrible OP, what an arsehole and a coward too! I never understand ghosting - this has happened to me once long ago in real life and also once on OLD but I was in a good place the second time so thought 'pfffft sod you then!!'. One thing is certain: it was nothing you said or did; he is just a nasty person that doesnt deserve your time. Onwards! X

Giraffey1 · 22/08/2020 12:22

I don’t understand why people do this. If you are going to be vile and dump someone out of the blue, you might as well be vile and text the person to say you don’t want to see them anymore. Still hurts, but at least you know what’s what.

Count yourself lucky to not have this coward in your life any more and move on.

CleverCatty · 22/08/2020 12:22

Ghosting is awful. I was 'played' and 'ghosted' (but i'd only been speaking to him for a week LOL) but a man recently... just went silent.

That was the good thing about my ex of 6 months - he didn't seem to be into the ghosting etc stuff - we just didn't talk much and when he went quiet it wasn't ghosting per se he was just being belligerent but did apologise.

I think if a man ghosts you they're an arsehole and just ignore.

I had a few dates with a friend of a friend recently too - nice enough - texts etc every day but when it came to it for various reasons too much going on with him to make it work, didn't feel I knew him well enough to meet yet again (and pay for his drinks all the time as he claimed he was broke) so sent him message via FB messenger but honestly. Harsh but at least he knew why.

CleverCatty · 22/08/2020 12:23

@Giraffey1

I don’t understand why people do this. If you are going to be vile and dump someone out of the blue, you might as well be vile and text the person to say you don’t want to see them anymore. Still hurts, but at least you know what’s what.

Count yourself lucky to not have this coward in your life any more and move on.

Quite. I think lots of men are very cold and with so many women available on sites its easier for them to ghost then get into conversations.
CleverCatty · 22/08/2020 12:25

@Whenwillthisbeover

This is sad, more and more women are being treated as a commodity to be bought and sold, taken and thrown away without any guilt, responsibility or feeling. Like porn, like financial And emotional abuse, And now online dating,.

Why are there so many spineless horrible individuals in the world that think this is ok.

You had a lucky escape op.

I think this only happens if you let them do this. If you don't, like I didn't do for a while, do online dating then this cuts out the idiots you mean whilst online dating.

But - in my experience don't think you don't get rid of idiots and useless behaviour because you do not do online dating because as I found, through a friend of a friend contacting me through FB messenger out of the blue, you do get idiots!

CleverCatty · 22/08/2020 12:30

@Fleabagz

Sorry this has happened to you, it's the not knowing that's the worst.

This happened to me too, I was casually dating him for 8 months, he left my house one morning and I never heard from him again, I tried contacting him a couple of times but got ghosted.
I saw him recently when I was on a walk, he stopped and chatted like everything was fine.

Easier said than done I know but forget about him and move on, you deserve better.

See I'd ignore someone who ghosted me.

I dumped someone who I'd been dating via text/Whatsapp as we weren't close and way too much emotional drama for me to deal with - think employment tribunal, depression not to do with ET etc. He lived locally and I saw him at the supermarket with his DB (we had all gone to school together so knew each other, I moved back to the area a few years ago) - I said hi and he grunted at me.

Saw him again another time when with friend out locally said hi.

Then apparently I'd been out at a local pub with a friend he said afterwards I had seen him and blanked him but he whatsapped me saying I'd blanked him which wasn't true. Then last year in another pub saw him with then boyfriend and was very awkward - both men seemed standoffish around each other and the first ex then walked past where we sat to drink - toilets were behind us but no other spare seats - several times, almost as if goading us and grinning at me. I lasted one drink and went to another pub!

Original poster
Meh2020 · 22/08/2020 12:53

Thanks - all of your replies are lifting my spirits!

I actually knew this guy in real, not through online dating - that’s why I’m pretty sure he wasn’t married. However I know that he had done online dating so the more I think about it, yes I think he’d met someone else. I think that this feeds into why he thinks it was okay to just ghost rather than say sorry, look, I’ve been thinking... as up thread poster said ‘women as a commodity etc.’

I’m sorry it’s happened to so many of us - truly nasty behaviour which is completely unwarranted or necessary

OP posts:
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