He wants me to do a lie detector!

[AftermathGirl]

I've had historic issues with the guy. Been together nearly 2 years but on and off the past 6 months.

He has major trust issues and nothing to do with me. After our most recent 'off' episode he asked me if I'd chatted to anyone else. I said I'd signed up to a dating site and chatted to people for a matter of days. I was honest. No reason to lie. He split up with me. Made it clear there was no way forward.

Fast forward few weeks and his anxiety is horrendous. He can't be positive and it's affecting me now. I've made it clear I can't go on like this and he's now suggesting I do a lie detector to prove I was honest about just chatting to people.

He claims I mean everything to him but he's just controlling.

Every time I'll believe it will be different.

I find it hard to end things as it makes me feel guilty. All he keeps asking is proof I'm not chatting to anyone else.

That all stopped when he got back in contact with me.

Should I do the test to shut him up? I've told him it's not healthy and I'm not doing it. It's really distressing me.

I know it's easy for others to say walk away but I've got attachment issues which I'm currently in therapy for, although been a bit shaky over covid.

I hate this I wish I'd never met him

Should I do the test to shut him up?
Absolutely not. Do not do this just to keep him happy " this once" it won't be only once.
I know you have attachment issues but do you really want to be attached to an abusive twat who doesn't trust you
That will be your life for ever!

Why have you been on and off for the last 6m? Who instigated the first break up and why?

I suspect that the relationship was over dramatic with highs and lows, determined by his moods and his needs.

When someone gives you inconsistent reinforcement like that, adoring you one minute, blaming you the next, it creates a really unhealthy dynamic that many mistake for love.

It isnt love, its a type of addiction. If you could step outside of this emotionally, you would tell yourself to run away.

Oh, tell him to fuck off.

The moment he does, you will start feeling better.

In my experience, people that are this paranoid can't be trusted. It's classic projection.

My exh was like this, because I scratched my nose when he asked me a question about fidelity. A clear sign of lying apparently. The fact that he was fucking someone else and he was judging me by his standards apparently not a factor at all.

It is impossible to prove you have been faithful. Don't bother.

Does he have keys to your house. tell him he deserves someone who is prepared to take a test cos you sure as heckers like are not.

if I did do a test it would be the end anyway. Because my festering resentment at being made to would eat me up.

No. For so so many reasons. This won't satisfy his anxiety, only feed it. It will never be enough.
Walk away.

Is this really what you want your life to be like? Because he won't change. Ever. You deserve so much better.

Really Op? You really can see a future with someone like this??

You think one lie detector test would put an end to his fuckwittage
anxiety?

COME OFF IT.

You want to have an utterly miserable life constantly being watched and questioned? Then take the tests (I see many in this future) and stick with the numpty. Actually I need to correct that - the numpty would be YOU if you don't get rid.

Wow. How dare he.
You are not on triall. He wants you up in the dock, you defending yourself, him cross examining you.
Dont play that game. He will enjoy it. It will destroy you.

Tell him to piss off and that you’re done
Honestly it’ll never be enough for him
Stop wasting your time

Don’t do the test, walk away now

What will happen is you'll do the test and it'll satisfy him for about a week. Then will come the 'well how do I know you're not doing it now since you have the perfect excuse'?

It will never end OP.

Men are not an endangered species, there are many more men out there who you could be spending time with who will not make you feel this way.

Relationships are meant to enhance your life, make you happy and provide you with emotional support. This is not doing any of these things. You owe him nothing. Get shot of him. No matter how hard that is for you, it will be easy compared to a life with someone who treats you this way.

Cut him loose. Life is too short for this shit.

It won't get better - he wants a test now, what about in 6 month's time when he has "more issues". Just walk away and don't bother with the test.

Dump him.
Block him on your phone and all SM.
Don't look back.

It will be like peeling off a plaster.

You'll feel bad for a while.
Then you'll feel fine.

Even if you passed the test, it won’t end.

He will shift the goal post and something else will need a lie detector. Or he will break up with you again, only to come back later.

This Relationship will not end well

Don't do it. It's a ridiculous thing to ask of you. You aren't 007 for God's sake. Tell him to sod off and get a grip. If you put up with him, he will get more and more controlling and clingy.

Don't do the test. It will never be enough.

THIS!!

The amount of times couples on Jeremy kyle came back because they didn't believe the test or thought they had faked it.

Honestly, if you can't trust someone you never will and it will be better for both of you to go your separate ways.

YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Seriously, call it a day, he’ll just keep finding more reasons not to trust you, he’ll wear you down emotionally, you deserve better!

He has major trust issues and nothing to do with me.

Whatever his trust issues, and whatever the cause, it is seriously affecting your relationship. You can't fix this.

Thanks for all your comments.

I definitely don't want my future with him like this. He doesn't feel counselling will help his trust issues.

I've also told him that even if I did do it it would be the end for me.

I feel like I keep going back as a way to self harm if that makes sense.

I split up with him originally due to the trust issues. Feeling suffocated. Accusing me of anything and everything.

I know there is better and I deserve better. I just need to find it in me to get him gone and not go back

Why are you even talking to him when he dumped you? What are you letting him dictate your life ? You are being very silly. Tell him you and he have no relationship and then block the idiot.