Getting away bag

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

What do I need to pack in a getting away bag for myself, 20 month DS and dog?

Are you fleeing a relationship

If you’re fleeing - passports, bank statements, other financial documents, birth certificates and anything that can’t easily be replaced.

Yes we are fleeing. Not yet, I'm giving the bag to a friend

Bank cards and info, anything related to your mortgage, birth certificates, passports, health records for DS, any medication you take, driving license, cash, mobile and charger. Dog food, vet records, lead, food and water bowls. Clothes for yourself and DS. Address and telephone numbers of trusted friends/family, and Women's Aid (or similar) contact information. Stay safe OP, here if you want to talk xx

Sorry, forgot to add drinks and snacks for you and DS (formula etc if young). Car insurance details if you have a car xx

I'm assuming you are fleeing?

I'm sorry but I can think of...

Clothes, prioritising underwear and t-shirts
Nappies, wipes, dummy/ security blanket if used by son
Blanket
Medications
Bank details written out in case you leave/ lose your bank card
Passport and birth certificates for both of you ( if you have them)
A couple of packets of dog food
A few bottles of water
Snacks for your son that won't go off
Small toy for your son
Phone numbers of family members in case you lose your phone/ battery goes
Phone numbers of taxi ranks/ local agencies like police/ shelters etc.
Spare phone charger

I'm sorry this is happening

Are you okay?

Money, spare recharging cords for phone, laptop. New Sim or new phone so you can't be traced. Money. Underwear, practical clothes and shoes, waterproofs. Dog food and food and water bowls. Chocolate and other snacks to keep you going while you are on the run or holed up somewhere.

I am not in any immediate danger. He has form for drinking to much, being angry and short tempered, making snide remarks. Last week he threw the stair gate off the wall and wrestled terrified toddler out of my arms. I had goaded him about his lack of parenting both our toddler and his 7yo. It is no excuse for his behaviour but I won't be having that confrontation again!
I want to have enough packed and not forget the essentials so that if he goes off on one when I tell him it's over I can just put DS and DDog in the car and drive off without having to hunt around for things

A copy of paperwork for any bills you pay in the household might be handy (or note of the account numbers ect).

So that you can call them and cancel when you leave (or cancel payment details and they can write to him for his).

Thankyou, you are all being so helpful. I am writing a list so I can get packed today while I'm home alone. Will burn the list after.

I'd get out without telling him you are going if at all possible btw. Drop him a message once you have left.

Is the 7 yr old elsewhere?

I have nowhere to go at the moment. Can't find anywhere to rent in my area that I can afford anyway. But if a catch 22, need address for UC claim, need UC to have enough income for rent. I get my student loan mid September but have no money until then.

I’d recommend getting anything really precious out if you can. All my DDs baby photos, the letter my grandmother wrote to me when she found out she was dying, and my mothers wedding dress were on bonfire within an hour of me leaving.

7yo is with us Wednesday to Saturday. I will leave when he is not around and will tell his mum.

Well done for having the strength to do this. It's very hard but you are doing the right thing. I left a relationship with only 2 little kids and one suitcase full of essentials. I can't think of anything more than PPs have said. I was lucky that my family had organised a place for me to go in my home country. Is there anyone at all that you might be able to stay with and use their address for UC application?

Hi OP, I'm so sorry that you and DS are going through this, it's such a difficult thing to do. Try contacting Women's Aid, they may be able to get you a refuge space until you get something more permanent sorted. They are also able to help you sort out benefits etc to tide you over. Stay strong, you have made the right decision. Please be very careful about what you pack and when - don't pack stuff your STBX will notice have gone etc, just "ahem" get some "decluttering " done 😉 and organise the household paperwork 😉Then grab it all when you leave 👍🏼💐

If you have any baby photos that aren't online, sentimental things like that. Just in case you can't get back or they're destroyed spitefully. They're not essentials as such but if you can get them out and you'll be sad they're gone might be good to do so.

Is there anything you can sell on ebay for some quick bucks? Anything he wouldnt notice was gone. Electronics sell well (computer games ect).

Also, it's might not be of use with a baby n a dog but you could look at spare room sites. Maybe a family with a spare room looking for a lodger. Might be a bit cheaper as all bills are sometimes included.

There's a number of charities offer foster services for dogs for women fleeing abusive husbands. They have safe, vetted homes for your pet whilst you are finding suitable accommodation. Dogs Trust may be a good place to start looking if you need this - good luck OP

Can you move your winter clothes now if your friend has room to store them? Won’t be noticed and can save you a fortune
Don’t forget any medication you might need.

All of the above plus your coats (autumn can sometime arrive very suddenly in September) and don't forget to clear the history of any computers or tablets you may leave behind so he can't check to try and find you.

That's a good one, coats. I'm terrible for not thinking the weather might change and ending up inappropriately dressed.

I would use this time to go through your paperwork, be ruthless and bin everything you don't need and pack anything you do. Leave junk mail so it's not noticeable that it's all gone.

Change all passwords just now that your partner knows about... Or if you are worried that will make him suspicious write a list of accounts you have to change the passwords to and do that straight away when you leave.

Also, if you don't have a decent internet package on your phone think about changing that now as it will be a lot cheaper than going over if you have to rely on it.

Em... That's all I can think of just now. I'm so sorry you are going through this xxxx

On the women's aid website there is a survivors forum. They have a lot of advice and there is a handbook listing things to remember to take, a plan to leave and for afterwards too. It was invaluable to me