18 months ago my ex asked me to leave and take my 10yo son with me (not his dad). I was devastated and struggled to function for a while, as I had stupidly believed this man was my soulmate 😬
We met after I’d left an abusive man, and moved into his home quite quickly (I know, I know.) Everything seemed perfect. He said we would definitely get married and have kids, we went on holidays with my son and things were amazing.
After a year I suggested we start trying for a baby as I was 32 nearly 33. He had been suggesting baby names and sorting out the spare room as a nursery. All of a sudden he did a total u turn. He said he didn’t want kids, and doesn’t understand why anyone would have them. He’d also become offish with my Son, never wanted to spend time with him and was jealous if my son cuddled me on the sofa or wanted me in the night if he had a bad dream.
He then decided he never wanted to get married.
When we first met he told me a couple of things that at the time I didn’t worry about. Firstly, his sister in law who lived 3 doors down from us, had got drunk one night and come to his house and kissed him. He said they had been messaging prior to this but nothing flirty 🤔 and when his brother found out and wanted to see the messages, they had both deleted them. (This was all before we were together)
Secondly a 15 year old girl working at the chip shop opposite our house had a crush on him, and he had been warned by the owner of the shop to not ‘lead her on’ by being a bit too friendly and touchy feely. She also had a key to his house because she walked his dog. When I came on the scene she barely spoke to me which I put down to a child having a crush and being jealous of a partner.
Other little things were weird like he always assumed the 11/12year old girl next door had a crush on him too. He always said he’s just really friendly and people tell him he’s flirty but that he doesn’t realise he’s doing it.
One year at a drunken party he was picking my sister up and swinging her around, I got quite annoyed as he virtually ignored me all night. My sister was lonely and had few friends so my ex took her ‘under his wing’ and was messaging her quite a lot. I told him to be careful because she might get the wrong idea. He also used to invite her to stay over at ours and I wasn’t that comfortable about it because me and her have never been close.
He also told me his ex always moaned at him for flirting with her sister but he said ‘were family, she’s like my little sister.’ But then admits to me that he fancied her and that she undressed in front of him ‘one time.’
Oh this is so awful but his younger half sister who was 13 when I met him, used to run up to him and throw her legs around his waist and if we went to a family party she would always be sitting on his lap. I asked a colleague once if she thought this was weird because it just made me feel icky. He also said himself that he would have to stop cuddling her when she developed ‘boobs.’ 😬
When me and ex split, he went missing for a few days and I was so worried. My sister lied to me and said she didn’t know where he’d gone, but she did know. When I found out I was so upset and confronted her, to which she lashed out at me saying ‘I can’t fix all your problems.’ Then didn’t speak to me for several weeks.
I also had messages since we split from my friends, my sisters friends, work colleagues and neighbours about him sending them flirty messages while he had been with me.
My dad told me yesterday, since I was still feeling low and devastated 18 months later, that my ex had been ‘trying it on big time’ with my sister and even said to her ‘I chose the wrong sister.’ I know I should feel like I’ve had a lucky escape but I feel so hurt and humiliated still. When I asked my sister if anything had ever happened she refused to discuss it and just said ‘he needs to grow up.’ I’m so hurt by her. I’ve helped her out a lot in the past, and the one time I needed her support she wasn’t there, and apparently was at least leading him on and not telling me what a sleaze he was! I was following this guy around like a love sick puppy in front of so many people who knew!
Today, my car broke down, I’m a single parent I lost my job, and I find out the only man I’ve ever really adored and thought loved me at the time, actually wanted my sister. My sister also said she might give me her car as she barely uses it, but then changed her mind and said she needs it, so I need to find a new car ASAP. My parents always defend her and say ‘oh it was nice of her to
Offer though’ and claim my sister did nothing wrong with my ex and that if she had told me at the time, I wouldn’t have listened. She didn’t want to ‘get involved.’ 😔
This relationship left some big scars for me. I found out after we split that my ex had strung his ex along for 12 years always telling her they’d get married and have kids ‘one day.’
I wish all this stuff made me hate him. My sister has got a lovely man, great job and I just feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile. I feel so low right now. Like the happiest time of my life is not only over, but was probably a sham