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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you ever speak again?

31 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:04

Quick background I used to live with a family many years ago, we've kept in touch and they're like my other family (just mum & daughter now). They live at the other end of the country

The mother let's call her Jane, has history. When I lived with her she slept with my best friends boyfriend, she got pregnant and passed the child off as her husbands
This came out only a few months ago and that child is now estranged

This weekend she met my boyfriend, at the end of the night she licked his chest with an ice cube in her mouth. I had a bit of a go at her and said it was weird and inappropriate, left it there. 20 mins later I can see her just flicking his nipple, he's ignoring it
And I lost my shit!

I am happy to never speak to her again and just maintain contact with the daughter (who was also horrified) would you ?

OP posts:
SaltKatten · 18/08/2020 16:06

Where does your boyfriend fit into this? Will you speak to him again?

Nicolastuffedone · 18/08/2020 16:08

He’s ignoring it? He hasn’t told her to stop? He stood there and let her lick his chest with an ice cube?

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:09

We were all drunk, I'm not sure he really knew where to put himself

OP posts:
Noneformethanks · 18/08/2020 16:11

Drunk or not your boyfriend should have spoken up.

Nicolastuffedone · 18/08/2020 16:12

Well out of her reach would’ve been a start! How drunk would you need to be to allow that to happen?

JinglingHellsBells · 18/08/2020 16:13

How old are you all out of interest?

Is this an older woman (old enough to be your Mum) who seems to be a man eater with other women's boyfriends?

Regardless of what you choose to do, she sounds a bit unstable. Why would you be friends with her anyway? And if you live miles apart, it's not going to matter much is it?

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:13

Does anyone have anything useful to add?

I'm supposed to be seeing her this weekend and I really don't want to

OP posts:
Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:14

Yes she's older (15 years my senior and 20 years older than boyfriend)

OP posts:
BBCONEANDTWO · 18/08/2020 16:15

You said you were happy to never see her again? Unless she apologises I think that would be wise.

I'm assuming your boyfriend was horrified by what she did - if a guy did that to a woman it would be sexual assault.

MusicTeacherSussex · 18/08/2020 16:16

We would probably be able to help you if you gave us some idea of what was going on
It's all a bit vague

How long has your boyfriend been with you.

Were you at their house?

Were you out?

What was the social occasion

Why was he topless?

How old are you, how old is she?

Why didn't he move away from her

Why didn't you say something

Is he ok?

Bloodylush · 18/08/2020 16:19

What’s his view on what happened? Did you discuss it?

SadSack39 · 18/08/2020 16:20

Seems like she will sleep with your boyfriend given half a chance.. why would you want to know someone so disloyal to you

Noneformethanks · 18/08/2020 16:20

What did your boyfriend say when you talked to him about it?

You shouldn’t be driving this. It’s really weird that he wants to be around her. And didn’t tell her to get off him.

Dohorseseatapples · 18/08/2020 16:25

Does anyone have anything useful to add?

Yeh, all perfectly normal. Crack on. 👌🏻

SaltKatten · 18/08/2020 16:29

Does anyone have anything useful to add?

I would forget this ‘friend’ for now and focus on the more important question of why your boyfriend thinks it’s OK to have a woman lick his chest and nipple.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:32

He doesn't think it's ok
If a bloke did it to a woman would it be her responsibility to get him off?
Would it be her fault for letting it happen?

NO

so what my boyfriend did or didn't do is besides the point

We have talked about it, he said let's just forget it all, everyone was drunk etc etc
She apologised but her daughter said that she just said that, and doesn't really believe her behaviour was inappropriate

OP posts:
seensome · 18/08/2020 16:32

You don't want to go at the weekend so don't go.
She doesn't respect you as a friend at all and only interested in proving to herself that she's still got it, really quite sad and desperate. I'm not sure what to say about your bf, he should of spoke up at the time but I can see too how someone might freeze? Not knowing what to say. How do you think it made him feel?
Maybe just keep in touch with the daughter but the mother is just crazy.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:33

I'm going there, I have a caravan booked
But I'm not inviting her over

OP posts:
TheQueef · 18/08/2020 16:36

Was she inappropriate with others or just him?

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:38

Just him

OP posts:
Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 18/08/2020 16:40

She kept asking me if I trusted him and if I loved him

He was like it was all in drink let's get over it and move on

OP posts:
kfcplease · 18/08/2020 16:46

I was at my boyfriends house the other day and his mates dad came up to me a licked my chest with an ice cube in his mouth then he sat next to me and started flicking my nipples. Any advice on what I should do?!

Op bf is not at fault can we stop blaming him. The woman was sexually harassing/assaulting him!

I would cut all ties with her tbh op her behaviour is disgusting and you shouldn't tolerate it. I think continuing to keep in contact with her is silly. She's shown you who she is numerous times, why aren't you listening to her?

Noneformethanks · 18/08/2020 17:15

I’m not blaming him I just find it weird that you haven’t talked to him about it and that you’re ok with being around her given how she acted.

SoulofanAggron · 18/08/2020 17:23

Definitely don't have any more to do with her (though you can with the daughter, who you say understands.)

It'd be one thing if she was drunk and it was a one-off (though still not ok) but she has 'form' for getting off with people's partners. Not a decent/trustworthy person.

SoulofanAggron · 18/08/2020 17:25

that you’re ok with being around her given how she acted.

@Noneformethanks The whole thread is about OP not being happy with what she did.

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