Help, fiancé upset but I'm not sure I've done anything wrong

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

Last night my fiancé said that last year (when we met) was the best year of his life. He then asked me which was mine. 15 years ago (pre-kids) I took 6 months off and went travelling around NZ-it was a lifelong dream of mine to go there. So I said that 2005 was my best year.

Now he's really upset and won't talk to me. I've explained why I said 2005 but he's still really upset and keeps going on about how I must want to still be with the boyfriend I had at that time (I don't).

Should I just have lied and said 2019?

What a child. DH says the best year of his life was when he was 18 and backpacking around Europe (with his ex girlfriend). Mine was when I was 22 living in Paris.

He's jealous of your ex from 15 years ago, disregarding your travel which made it your best year ever. Must have been a man making you happy so he sulks. Red flag. Don't marry him

He's being very childish!

Does he normally expect you to pander to his ego by asking (mis)leading questions that he has a prescribed “right” answer for that he’s expecting you to say (to make his ego feel good)?

Way too soon to be marrying him - two years? You hardly know him. And judging from that response of his, you may find you don't want to know him. Emotional blackmail is ugly.

You've known him a year and you're just discovering he's an emotionally manipulative man-child.

Think carefully before you marry him!

You’ve got the rest of your life walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting the man child who expects you to reflect the perfect image he has of himself and stick to his script.

Think carefully before marrying this one.

Don't let him move in with you, sounds like he will be like this all the time. Can you cancel the engagement

I agree with the others. I married a man like this. We are now divorced. It was definitely a walking on eggshells marriage.

Does he normally expect you to pander to his ego by asking (mis)leading questions that he has a prescribed “right” answer for that he’s expecting you to say (to make his ego feel good)?

This. And if this development is a surprise to you, I'd really be thinking carefully about having undertaken to marry someone so juvenile and manipulative, and who thinks that

(a) his arrival in your life must trump everything else that's ever happened in it

and

(b) that who you are in a relationship with at any point overrides anything else that's going on in your life.

If he can't understand why fulfilling a cherished dream would be a high point of anyone's life, he's also a bit dopey, no?

Don’t marry him.

He set you up. This was clearly a test and you failed it. Iyswim.

I’d be revising my answer “The best year of my life was when I went travelling, the worst year of my life was the year I thought you were a decent person and turned out not to be.”

You did/said nothing wrong. Don't marry this man. He's insecure and sulks, which really doesn't bode well for your future.

You should point out that the enjoyment you have in a year is not dependent on the men who are around at the time. They may contribute but are not the deciding factor. I’m with you year travelling was my best year ever!

I agree with all the previous replies but will add that if this behaviour seems new, it could be because he thinks he's got you where he wants you and can start pushing you around.

However, he's slipped up because you are not sufficiently dependent on him to have to put up with it. He's showed his hand too soon.

Sulking is manipulative and emotionally abusive and will wear you down in time. 'Walking on eggshells' is how one poster put it. Don't live like that!

He’s weird.

I can understand his hurt but his reaction is ridiculous. I think he sounds manipulative and jealous and I'd agree with all those saying don't commit to him. This is just the start. Tell him outright you find sulking childish and his behaviour wont change your answer. He clearly expected you to reciprocate. He should not have asked if he couldn't handle your honest answer.

What everyone else said. It was a test to see how much he can manipulate you

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He was trying to love bomb you and it failed miserably. He purposely brought up that topic to try to curry favour with you. I suspect this is how it goes: He lovebombs you and makes you feel like the most amazing woman in the world - beautiful, adored, like you are one in a million.
You say the wrong thing, then you get sulking, the cold shoulder, pointed passive aggressive remarks like 'you probably don't want to be with me anymore now do you'.
But it'll be all about him you'll notice. He brought up the topic of 'our favorite years' in order to get you to take notice of him.
Now he'll be giving you the silent treatment to guilt trip you - again the function is to make you notice him. He doesn't care how he gets your attention - he has found he can be really really nice to you or he can be a sulky little shit, both strategies work to control you.
He's a Mummy's boy looking for a new Mummy to mother him - so you have been warned.

Is he a lot younger than you?
Hope you have not signed up to anything binding.

He’s crazy. It will get worse. Run.

Argh. there was a thread on here from a woman who asked her Dh a similar question a while back. Don't ask these questions if you don't want the answers.

I adore my DH and both my children. But without a doubt the best 4 weeks of my life were when I went on ML before DC1 was born. DH was working, I had no children, full pay, gorgeous weather. I've never, in my entire adult life, had more than a few days or maybe weeks where I could just relax and do what I want without worries about work, money etc interfering.

I don't, as a rule, tell my children this. But they are children, So I don't expect them to be emotionally mature enough to understand. Your fiancee is being very childish.

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That wasn't a question it was a trap. I've had similar "conversations" and they are always boundary testing exercises.

I asked my boyfriend this recently because I was genuinely interested in the answer!

I want to learn more about him and his life before me. I want to know and understand him as a whole person - good and bad.

We have been together just coming up to a year. I don't expect the year he met me to have been the most amazing of his life for that reason alone. I agree, he wasn't asking because he is interested in you and your life/history/experiences, he was asking because he was testing you and he is angry with you because you failed the test.