Husband cross about time spent with ex husband

[Gilda152]

I divorced my DD's dad around 10 years ago now, he remarried and his wife was extremely abusive and destructive to DD's relationship with her dad (she was 9 when they met) and did all in her power to destroy it and succeeded quite well. They had 3 children together and have now split for what appears to be the final time just before lockdown. Mine and exh relationship had disintegrated to nothing also. Co-parenting was impossible without being accused of having an affair etc. Despite the face that 1/ I divorced him and 2/ I am remarried happily.

Anyway our DD is about to go to uni and recently we have been able to get along cordially. My DH is mostly ok with this, although he has been stepdad to DD for 6 years and hates the way she has been treated - he conceeds that she still wants a relationship with her dad and keeps out of it fairly well naturedly. DD is keen to rebuild with her dad and him with her. She asked me to take her to her dads holiday lodge today for a visit which I did with DH's knowledge and blessing. However, when we returned he kicked off, that he had been bored all day that he doesnt know anyone else who'd be OK with their wife spending an afternoon with their ex.

The fact is, exh soon to be exw was so vile to both me and DD and worked really hard to ruin DD's time with her dad, I do bend over backwards to facilitate it now. I still have 'familial' feelings for exh as the father of my only child but I'm in no way interested in him, I just want to raise our DD in peace.

I've apologised to DH for his upset but is there anything else I should do? Was I out of order?

Unreasonable **

I think you are being a great Mum taking your daughter to see her father, despite all that has gone on in the past, all kids need to know their parents for their own sanity, they can then make up their own mind on how that parent is once they get to know them fully. I can only think your DH just felt left out, bit jealous, he has been there for you and your DD then you are off having 'fun' with the ex, which of course you wasn't, but some guys do get themselves all ufffed at things like that. Maybe next time (if you have to do that again), all drive up together DH as well, then you and he could go for a lovely meal while your DD spends time with her dad, then you can pick her up on the way back, then he might feel a little more 'included'

Like fuck would I be apologising to him!

He's a grown ass adult man who should be perfectly capable of

1 entertaining himself

2 not being a possessive and jealous and controlling twat!!

Given the distance it's perfectly reasonable that you stayed or you'd have spent 5 hours driving! Plus the costs of petrol!

I don't get along with my ex he's not seen dd for years though they're gradually reconnecting. But certainly in the past I've done similar arrangements so that dd can have contact with her dad and while I'm not in a relationship he is and she's NEVER had a problem with our arrangements. There's even been times he's stayed over (spare room or kipping on sofa) and that's not been a problem either I've even stayed at theirs when she was away on a work thing and I was dropping dd off as it were but it's too far to come back the same day. It was actually her suggestion rather than me paying out for a hotel and taxis.

He needs to grow up and behave!

and I think it's just a man thing to feel a bit threatened by that. no it's a jealous immature prat thing!

His not speaking to exh is ridiculous too!

Your exh has behaved appallingly, but as you say he was mired in an abusive situation which mitigates things somewhat BUT that's no excuse for current husband to do so too.

dog in a manger behaviour absolutely

I get that you have to be conscious of others feelings but that works two ways. At the moment you have to consider his but he isn't considering yours.

My DP has spent the last few weekends staying at his ex wifes (and children's) home. This has happened the entire time I have known him.

He chooses to go and stay there. I have no problem with it.

He chooses to go and stay there. I have no problem with it

To be fair, I don't think that negates the fact that the vast majority of people would have a problem with that set up. There seems to be an expectation by many on MN that being in a relationship with someone when you have children means they may never have or voice any negative feelings that relate to the subject and you have absolute freedom to disrespect and even openly scorn those feelings. In reality that sort of relationship would hold very little appeal to anyone.

There's nothing wrong with him discussing these feelings with his wife and expecting them to at least be considered.