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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Husband abusive and neglects our daughter?

88 replies

proudmomofone1 · 16/08/2020 16:16

I live with my husband and 3 year old daughter. After the born of our daughter my husband changed and started to be abusive emotionally and physically. First time he hit me when our daughter was about a year old. He threw phone in my face so my nose started bleeding. My daughter witnessed it. He says it was accident. Then after that it has happened several times, he has hit me with the shoe or anything he could get hold of on that moment of anger. Most of the times my daughter has witnessed it and it has been very distressing for her saying daddy hurt mummy. Once at night he tried to hit me but our daughter was sleeping in the bed between us and he accidentally hit her instead. Few months ago I came home from work early and he had left our daughter alone in the bath while he was in the kitchen listening music with headphones on. Also few times I come home from work in the evening he hasn’t asked our daughter is she needs potty all day so she has been holding it all day until I come home. He has many times making fun of my accent as I’m not English, and he mocks and repeats everything I say for hours in broken English. Even when I’m begging and crying for him to stop he doesn’t stop.

This week there has been 2 occasions when our daughter is saying that daddy hurt her. One time I came home from work and she said to me daddy tapped my bum. He admitted it but couldn’t give any reason why he did it. The other time I was at home in the other room she played and accidentally scratched him he got angry and pushed her. She was shaking and crying came running to me. I’ve been suffering for years but I can’t let him not control his anger and hurt our daughter. I’m very stressed and lost lot of weight I go to work every day only spend all day worrying at work if our daughter is ok. He says everything is my fault and I provoke him.

Where do I start and should I report him? I have no family in UK and don't have any help with childcare.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 17/08/2020 19:29

I doubt the op has left. I hope I'm wrong

dublingirl66 · 17/08/2020 20:11

Thinking of you

Can we do anything on here ?
Get you any numbers? Email contacts etc?

Closetbeanmuncher · 17/08/2020 22:46

Once at night he tried to hit me but our daughter was sleeping in the bed between us and he accidentally hit her instead. Few months ago I came home from work early and he had left our daughter alone in the bath while he was in the kitchen listening music with headphones on. Also few times I come home from work in the evening he hasn’t asked our daughter is she needs potty all day so she has been holding it all day until I come home

Please find a way to leave this negligent and abusive piece of shit OP...Make a plan QUIETLY and stick to it.

A wonderful life awaits you and your precious girl.

Distressedchic · 17/08/2020 23:18

I do hope you’ve left OP. If not for your sake, your daughters.
These things are often taken out of your hands if a child goes to school and discloses what’s been going on, SS will see it as a failure to protect, and both of you will be under the microscope.
I’m not saying this to frighten you, but you do know he’s been hitting her and you need to act.
You are a victim, but your child is defenceless, and needs you to get her to safety. You know he’s been hurting her, so please act on that knowledge.

dublingirl66 · 17/08/2020 23:58

Poor child
At the hands of a beast

OP very best of luck
You can do it
Even if it means going into a shop and asking for help there

Do not let this continue
Do not be afraid ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Justjoshin22 · 18/08/2020 13:12

OP hope you’re ok. It may be you haven’t left but if this is the case - please re read the comments above and find the strength to get out. You aren’t being dramatic and you can do this. Good luck

dublingirl66 · 18/08/2020 19:34

You got this

We are here to help too

Mogtheforgetfulmum · 19/08/2020 19:40

I hope you're ok OP. Please give us an update if you can. You need to do this for your daughter, she deserves to feel safe and loved, you can't give her this if you stay with him.

TenDays · 19/08/2020 23:06

The advice here is sound. Please take it!

I used to work for Women's Aid and can endorse what others have recommended - grab any papers like birth certificates and passports if you can and get out as soon as possible. It's better to leave with no paperwork if collecting it would arouse suspicion.

We had women walk out in their pyjamas and slippers with a sleeping baby in their arms to save their lives. You will both be safe away from him.

dublingirl66 · 20/08/2020 17:41

Lots of love and good wishes

I ehco the great advice on here

WildHorsesRunInMe · 21/08/2020 21:24

Hope you and your daughter are ok OP.

dublingirl66 · 25/08/2020 22:54

Bump

WildHorsesRunInMe · 03/12/2020 22:55

Just checking in. How are things OP?

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