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Original poster

Standing up to MIL

37 replies

Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 01:40

So I've told her everything I've been bottoling up for twenty years. My daughter is 18 this year and I phoned her grandma, my mil to see if she would be coming. She basically said that because my eldest didn't have a birthday party, I was in prison for a drink driving / non bail attending offence, she thinks it's disgusting that I have a party for her younger sister. She thinks it's not right to have this small gathering of our family for my daughter's 18th because I wasn't able to do it for her elder sister.
I

OP posts:
katy1213 · 15/08/2020 01:45

I think I'd be more interested to hear what your mother-in-law has been bottling up for 20 years. Sounds like she's washed her hands of you - with good reason.

Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 01:47

She is basically saying I am treating one daughter better than my other. I saw red, I'm so sorry but I have never been so horrified that my own MIL could say that. Phone call later she goes on to say that me and my two daughters are leeches on her son. I have been with her son 23 years, he has said he is horrivied by her comments. Do you think she is just embarrassed by my going to prison, my own family have loved me and been supportive? I have no idea why she hates me?

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Icanflyhigh · 15/08/2020 01:47

I sense a huge back story with a lot of drip feeding coming up.....

Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 01:50

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 01:53

There is no drip feeding, she thinks I am not a fit Mum to give a party for her grandchild, I have said if you think that way do not come

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Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 02:02

Ok, no drip feeding, I have been with her son 24 years ,two children, I had a problem with alcohol and my partner her son's affair/ infedelity and didn't do community service, spent 8 weeks in prison. This is five years ago, we have built a lovely life since then. She has never accepted her son was in the wrong or had an affair slept with someone else. She always says , I went off the rails, had a DD conviction and am the black sheep of the family

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 15/08/2020 02:07

Then your dp needs to tell her himself, and make it clear that after 5 years, she needs to drop the snide comments.
If she won’t, cut all ties and ignore her.

Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 02:10

She is basically saying because I was in prison for my eldest 18th she will not attend my youngest 18th because it's "unfair" I have done everything for my children since then, supporting them, loving them, I didn't stop when I was in prison but that was five years ago, how dare she bring up this when she knows it hurt me beyond anything

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Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 02:19

My partner, her son has said she is poison, and that is exactly what we will be doing, no contact, nothing. But I fail to understand why , why would you be so horrible to your own family? What does she get from it,? I have a family who love me, warts and all, as I do them, we would never think to hurt each other, I asked my partner why his Mum is like this and he said, she hates everything, she hates the fact we are still together and her marriage ended.

OP posts:
Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 02:32

My sister said tonight, if she can bring up past events to spoil your arrangements for your daughter's 18yh then she is poisonous, don't allow her to spoil your future by bringing up the past

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2020 02:53

On dear.

Muppetry76 · 15/08/2020 07:03

A conviction for drunk driving? I wouldn't be able to forgive anyone for that, after experiencing the damage you could have caused. Even with your 'excuses' about useless/cheating partner - you chose to forgive his infidelity, she is not obliged to forgive your conviction that left your 2 dc with a parent in jail for something completely within your control.

Shitty of her to be taking it out on your dd's party though.

custardbear · 15/08/2020 07:13

If you had a problem and went to prison for DUI this must have caused much difficulty for your family. Is your eldest ok with this? Did you have another party, or a 21st birthday for your eldest ?

I personally wouldn't treat my children differently, but if you've had say a 21st for the eldest then she's probably just trying to meddle and be an arse.

You perhaps need to check though that your eldest is ok, perhaps they've confided in their grandmother? Check on your children - if they're ok, go ahead with the party and ignore your MIL. Make sure your DH is on side and delivers any messages to her

Fatted · 15/08/2020 07:20

Are you in the OK OP? I only ask because if you went to prison for eight weeks for drink driving, then that is actually a pretty harsh sentence and not typically given. Unless you have done it before or done something else along with it........

Fatted · 15/08/2020 07:20

In the UK even!

pipandpoppy · 15/08/2020 07:28

I think the bottom line is how do both your children feel about this situation? If the MIL doesn't want to come to the party, yet both kids are fine with this, then just carry on without her.
Move forward with life OP and keep smiling :)

Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 07:34

Thank you for your responses. The sentence was for breaches community service terms by not being able to attend. It was five years ago. I have never been in trouble before this or since. My eldest is absolutely fine about his sister's birthday celebrations.
I have done a lot of thinking overnight and spoke to OH this morning.
He didn't realize the effect her attitude had on me as he is used to ignoring her spiteful behaviour and it's usually not a problem for him as he has distanced himself over the years from her.
The party will go ahead with only people who love and support us there. Thank you all for your comments. Onwards and upwards.

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Rebelwithallthecause · 15/08/2020 07:38

Wow, most paedophiles don’t go to prison and you ended up inside for 8 weeks

Did you have an accident too?

CherryPavlova · 15/08/2020 07:39

This is five years ago, we have built a lovely life since then.

You posted the above yet in June you said you were saving money to leave him. You were building your career and friendships etc.

I’m guessing your mother in law is holding her breath waiting for you to go. I’d not want a drink driver who was not accepting responsibility in my life or that of my children or grandchildren.

Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 07:48

@cherrypavlova
Thanks for your input. Not sure how you feel writing that at 7.30 am has helped your day or mine but I guess you feel better for it.
Like I said before it's five years ago and I don't intend on having her in my life anymore. My children feel absolutely the same but from their own observations and interactions with her.
Thanks again for the responses and it has clarified mine and her son's decision not to have her in our lives.

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custardbear · 15/08/2020 07:52

Yes, onwards and upwards! Enjoy the party

Suzi888 · 15/08/2020 07:53

Is your 18 year old daughter going to care if her nan doesn’t go? I’m surprised she wants any adults around! I’d let the mil show off and do what she wants.

CherryPavlova · 15/08/2020 07:53

Five years would be a short time if you’d killed someone.
So you’re leaving him or staying? You seem undecided.

Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 07:53

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Florist1970 · 15/08/2020 07:59

Cherry Pavlova.
It wasn't what the thread was about and I don't wish for it to be derailed thanks.
It has been decided to not have her in our lives by all of us now so thank you for anyone who took the time to respond. Like I said, onwards and upwards.

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