Standing up to MIL

[Florist1970]

So I've told her everything I've been bottoling up for twenty years. My daughter is 18 this year and I phoned her grandma, my mil to see if she would be coming. She basically said that because my eldest didn't have a birthday party, I was in prison for a drink driving / non bail attending offence, she thinks it's disgusting that I have a party for her younger sister. She thinks it's not right to have this small gathering of our family for my daughter's 18th because I wasn't able to do it for her elder sister.
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People can change and lots can happen in 5 years. You made a mistake you don't need to keep going back over it. Look forward OP

What a horrible thread. The OP has, quite literally done her time and from the sounds of it worked hard to overcome an addiction problem.

1. Announcing you would 'never forgive' a person for drink driving doesn't make you look as moral as I think you think it does.

1. It is entirely possible to end up with a prison sentance for a first drink driving offence and that has been the case for a good decade or two now. There is a real blind spot over this with a generation who first started driving and drinking (albeit not mecessarily at the same time) before this was the case. The assumption that you must have done something in addition to a first time drink driving offence to get prison time is ignorence of the law.

Florist1970 just curious as to how you go from planning to leave him to being happily together for five years, in the space of a few weeks? You haven’t answered. We

The prison time was for non attendance of community service.

Your mil is a commotion-creating fuckwit. That’s not your fault, lots of people are. They love to be outraged, DICUSTED and have someone to judge poorly. You see it here already.

Make your peace with the fact that she is like that and go on with your plans and life without her in it.

@PrincessBuggerPants
1. Announcing you would 'never forgive' a person for drink driving doesn't make you look as moral as I think you think it does.

I don't give a shit what you think I think my morals are. The cold, hard fact is that OP not only chose to drink, but drink to the levels which rendered her unsafe to drive, then chose to get in a car and make a journey. She then, I assume, was stopped by the police (who knows if it was a roadside stop or at the scene of an accident), breathalysed, found to be over the limit, arrested, charged and prosecuted. She then 'forgot' to do her community service because of her partner's cheating (?!) and, rightly, ended up serving 8 weeks (of a 4 month sentence?) for it, leaving a 17/18 year old and a 13 year old at home to deal with the consequences, embarrassment, trauma and stigma of their mum being in prison.

That's without any discussion about what might have happened had she caused an accident, possibly resulting in deaths of other drivers or pedestrians.

Damn right I judge OP on the info she has given, and I don't care what you think of my moral compass, I could not forgive anyone for those choices, even a DIL.

As I said, mil is being a bit shitty about the granddaughter's party.

Thank you guys for your support on the DD matter. I have said up thread the reasons for it and have learned from it and moved my life on. I thought she had too, and because I have had problems in my life I find it incredibly easy to be sympathetic and understanding of others. I met a lot of women in prison who were lovely people just not in the best situation which has made me not judge or look down on others. My MIL is not like that and never will have that empathy. I'm thankful for my life lessons and never again will I let her judge me or my family again. This thread was important in helping me see not all people judge and again thanks for the support. She is not going to be in my headspace from this morning onwards.

I can't understand why you feel agitated about this. Have a party/don't have a party. Its no big deal?

We had a lovely party, really beautiful, my daughter had the best time, we didn't invite MIL and she wasn't missed, basically we wanted love, light and happiness, she would not have brought this. Thanks to everyone who responded, we are a great family, we understand our faults, and we work together to help each other over those faults x

For you OP so pleased your daughter had a lovely birthday party x

My lovely aunt was killed by a drink driver.

Glad you enjoyed your party.

I'm really sorry for your loss. It has obviously affected the way you view all people who have been guilty of driving over the limit. I have never set out in my posts to be anything other than honest, I absolutely understand I did wrong. I have paid for it. I'm doing my best to be a better person.

Thank you so much 🥰