Stop me from leaving!

[bonkerz]

I have had enough of DH!
Things been building for months and he left 3 months ago but came back. We have been supposedly trying again but its really not working. We cannot afford realte as DH earns too much and I am not sure i see a way forward. Both of us at fault im sure BUT we are both pig headed and stubborn and cannot seem to talk without him turning everything around and then we either have huge fight or complete silence. Last night i tried to tell him i feel very unloved and insignificant right now and he basicvally threw it all back at me...hes tired... hes working hard...im a nag....i never do anything for him etc etc etc

today is his day off and i mentioned last night about going to do freezer shop today. He went to town and i said i would ring him after i had finished at a group i run. He didnt take his phone! Obviously plan now all ruined so i told him we could go after getting DS from school, just let DD go downstairs cos thought DH was there and i heard alot of crashing. He has gone off in car with no warning and left me here. Hes not taken his phone. If he has gone freezer shopping i know we will end up with microwave meals and what HE likes not the food i need for kids!

Wedding anniversary tomorrow and feel like just leaving tonight! I have had enough am on the verge of breaking down and i know if i say ANYTHING he will scream and shout at me.
I cannot take this anymore.

You do need relate
Even if you go into debt for it!

You need to be able to see each others points of view and without someone to guide you it sounds like you won't

Look at it as an investment

the only way to pay would be credit card BUT DH certainly wont apply for one and as i am unemployed i cant get one due to bad credit past!

do you mean you can't afford it as he earns too little? Sorry I don't understand that!

{{{hugs}}} you really are having a horrible time at the moment aren't you

I don't suppose the stress about ds is doing your marriage any good - it certainly is the biggest source of tension in mine.

Can you maybe get someone to babysit for the children tomorrow so that the 2 of you can really talk about what it is you want and where you are going to go from here.

DH earns 25k BUT that only just covers bills and mortgage. I have recently given up work as he thought it might help!!! We looked into relate about 2 months ago but at £65 per session we really cant afford it and our local unit will only accept us if we book 6 sessions at rate of one a week!!

thanks dusty! Yes DS isnt DHs son so i dont think all the stress affects DH the same way it does me! I feel like im fighting on my own and think it might be easier if i didnt have DH making my life harder by not supporting me.

Booked a friend to come in tomorrow to babysit so we can go out BUT asked DH about it last night and he said he could not be bothered!

its only 35 quid or 45 quid
even if there were a further step of 55 - its worth it is it not.

you can go every two weeks not eery week

go once a month if it helps.

dya ever say - right - no shouting lets talk?

a technique we were asked to do at relate was

one person speaks about one thing that on their mind

the other person then repeats back in own words what they heard.

its a good technique - a little like chinese whisepers to see what actually goes in - and what each of us hear.

do we hear a critisism or do we har the pain of the other person?

im only saying what relate told me when i rang our local center. £45 was the reduced price but we dont get the right tax credit to get that so would have to pay full price. Sessions have to be booked in advance and paid for minimum of 6 sessions which will be booked for weekly but can be altered to suit.

I think you need to let him know that its come out and talk to you or the marriage is as good as over. There's no point in the two of you staying together if he's not prepared to make an effort.

find the money somehow - a lot cheaper than a divorce and running two houses. It really, really is worth it. Am not sure if they charge different prices but my centre charges £41 based on dh income of £32k

will speak to DH again about affording it BUT i know he has just gone over his overdraft again this month!

have you tried talking to the people at relate and explaining your situation? they might be prepared to be a bit more flexible..? hope things improve for you anyway.. x

good luck. it has saved my marriage which was in a very bad way.....

relate are willing to negotiate if you are on low income. would definately give them another go.

alternatively see if you have any local mediation services which are also means tested.

if this really isn't an option you could both write down how you're feeling and let each other read what you've written. do you have a good mutual friend who could do a bit of mediating for you?

someone you both like and respect who could just act as an unbiased 3rd party and would help each of you see each other's point of view etc.

hope things improve for you soon.

well i have been shut in my room since 5pm. Dared to mention relate to Dh and he hit the roof. He cant be bothered and thinks its me thats the problem. Am gonna move my stuff and DS into DDs room and think will have to start looking for somewhere to live! i think we are over

Whats the best way to leave a relationship? Do i look for somewhere to live and then go when thats sorted or do i just up and leave???????? Feel trapped now

how do i leave?

do you own the house joinlty?

have you checked what benefits you will be entitled to?
do you work
can you manage childcare AND work?

oh gosh bonkerz. Sounds so final. Is there no way you can afford relate?

Hi Bonkerz, sorry you are having awful time right now x x I cannot recommend enough this book by Michele Weiner Davis. She is incredibly down to earth and positive; I think it could really help. You can get it more quickly if you use the marketplace amazon.
www.amazon.co.uk/Divorce-Remedy-WEINER-DAVIS/dp/0684873257/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/026-1583186-9904433?ie=UT F8&s=books&qid=1191439189&sr=8-1s

Good luck.

i cant get a credit card and have only just finished paying back overdraft and just tried to extend it again but its been delclined as i am no longer working.

I dont work. House is in DH name only and even if i stayed here i would never be able to afford the mortgage so makes sense i leave TBH. Will check entitled to to see what benefits i will get.

BONkerz - don't do anything rash. Ring CAB tomorrow and get their advice,

Also (cokplete hijack) I am trying to add you to somewhere I accdintly deleted you from
email me
popsycal2005
yahoo
co
uk

How are you today bonkerz?

been into town and looked at rentals. DH and i spoke late last night. Apparently he hates me and finds me unattractive! Not sure what to do really. More talking i suppose till decision is made.