Dumped!

[TheShamelessFall]

Hi all,

Im really struggling tonight. I have been dumped! I was in an extremely abusive relationship for a few years up until 2 years ago/early last year. I have since met someone else, probably the only genuinely lovely man I have ever dated/been with, ever. He broke up with me last night.

I know I'll be fine but for now it's really shit and I'm hurting. He was honestly lovely and I cant fault him, that seems to make it so much worse.

I dont really know what I'm asking for, i just want everybody to tell me what I already know - that I'll be okay and I'll meet someone else.

I have NC as didnt want this post linked with the ones of my ex.

Thanks everyone, I know its a bit of a rambley post.

Thanks Holy and Viva, it really does physically hurt your chest. I need to pick up my dignity and go no contact but haven't managed it yet.

Echoing everyone except the beauteous deity that is Joanna, I'm sorry, sounds like if you'd been together longer the no kids would have been an issue, he's a shitbag doing it by text, go NC. And go get yourself a treat .

Seems to be the way men deal with break ups now. To be honest, you're lucky to get a text, rather than being ghosted.

When I've been dumped, I've always found it better to have it done in person and treated kindly and with respect, even though its hurtful. Its much easier to move on than a sudden stop and then you have to completely forget about the person you were sleeping with so recently.

I've only dumped one person but I phoned him and told him, and then he wanted to meet up and we talked it through. Then he was all right. But it does seem mainly to be men that do the dumping.

I've also been that flatmate who had to hand over the belongings!

Urgh he isn’t even grown up enough to hand you your stuff back. Sounds like the nice guy schtick was for show!

Go and find the horse with the softest nose and give them a big kiss!

(Always works for me, particularly if they are doing the 'floppy lip' thing at the time.)

Horses are big and reassuring and a far better use of your time.

The fact he dumped you by text makes him less attractive doesn't it? Like he doesn't have the respect, maturity and balls to talk to you in person. And the bollocks about him hurting is cruel too. It would make it harder for you to move on. When I have finished with someone who still wanted to be with me, I make it very clear that it is over and I go very low or no contact because I dont want to give false hope because I care about them.

Anyway, the fact that he didn't want kids is a deal breaker so better that it is over so you can move on and meet someone who you are a better match with.

I was dumped by text in March, 2 year relationship. I didn't even respond to the dumping message, I just deleted it and blocked! Still hurts every day, but it's getting easier! Stay strong! You've got this! Think about that person you'll meet in the future, who's absolutely perfect for you and will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

On the positive side he texted you to finish it. Some men don't even bother they ghost you leaving you more confused.

Meet a person who make you happy - the moment you start arguing too much, just walk away. Stress is the cause of many illnesses.

Thanks zap, thankfully my boy loves kisses (and he always does the floppy lip thing, he is a lazy beast) and he is the best cuddler!

Youre all right about the him not wanting kids, they're something I've always wanted and I wouldn't sacrifice them for him/anyone.

It does make him less attractive that he ended things by text, but as another poster said above, it is preferable to ghosting and there is a lot of that about!

I do also find it ridiculous that he can't hand me my stuff back. Maybe he isnt who I thought he was, he always seemed mature and respectful.

Thanks What, so sorry that happened to you. People are so shit sometimes. Well done for not replying and blocking! I wish i had done the same.

Thanks New, i know I am "lucky" in that sense. After being ghosted following a 4 year relationship I'll definitely take this text message.
I have a hard time walking away, even when I know its for the best. I dont really know why!

He wants to be friends, i know its a total no. I need to say no and block him, dont I?

@TheShamelessFall

He wants to be friends, i know its a total no. I need to say no and block him, dont I?

Yes.

"That doesn't work for me, we each have our own friends already and it's better to stop contact and both move on. I'm going to block you now as it lets us both draw a line under things. All the best."

Don't need to be any more emotional in your response than that but it leaves you feeling in control of the situation and gives you closure.

Yes, say no and block him. Being friends with someone you still have feelings for will just prolong the pain and not let you be available for someone else.

Thanks both, everyone has been so lovely on here!

What they said.

And the possibility is that he wants to stay 'friends' in case he doesn't find someone else quite as quickly as he would like, whereupon he can suggest a FWB situation...

Blocking and never speaking to him again is the fastest way to heal.

Absolutely do what @backseatcookers says, it’s firm and dignified. Sorry you’re hurting, it’s shit. But wanting such different futures means this could never have worked so better to have ended now than another year or two down the line, as that’s all wasted time that could have been spent meeting the right person who wants the same things as you.

But for now be kind to yourself, everyone gets dumped and of course it’s horrible but in years to come this will be a distant memory that means very little to you. Focus on doing things that make you happy and build your own self confidence. And definitely don’t try and be friends with the texting muppet!

Thank you both. I know I need to be strong and send him a message like the one above!