Dumped!

[TheShamelessFall]

Hi all,

Im really struggling tonight. I have been dumped! I was in an extremely abusive relationship for a few years up until 2 years ago/early last year. I have since met someone else, probably the only genuinely lovely man I have ever dated/been with, ever. He broke up with me last night.

I know I'll be fine but for now it's really shit and I'm hurting. He was honestly lovely and I cant fault him, that seems to make it so much worse.

I dont really know what I'm asking for, i just want everybody to tell me what I already know - that I'll be okay and I'll meet someone else.

I have NC as didnt want this post linked with the ones of my ex.

Thanks everyone, I know its a bit of a rambley post.

@TheShamelessFall if you want kids and he didn't then this is a blessing in disguise. You are not back to square one. You are now closer to meeting someone who will love everything about you and want to have kids with you.

Oh it sucks doesn't it?
Block him. And make a list of all his bad qualities. Even if you can only think of really tiny ones.
My ex dumped me in November and I didn't think it would ever stop hurting. It still hurts but only when I think about him. And I'm doing that less and less. My bad things list included things as inane as "the annoying way he wipes his nose and it makes that weird noise" and the "mmm nmm nmm noise he'd make as he snuggled into bed"

Thanks, i am still in my 20s so I definitely have time to meet someone and have everything I ever wanted. I said that about the children, the only compromise with regards to children is to have none. He said he may change his mind but i knew i couldn't live on a "maybe." I will try no contact starting from tomorrow!

Thanks tiny. My absuive ex also ghosted me (lived together etc, one night he disappeared) so i definitely empathise, its truly awful. I hope you're okay now! I think that's why i initially didn't have an issue with him texting me to end things, as at least he didnt just vanish!

Nothing, thats a really helpful list, thank you. It is definitely true. I couldn't be happy with him again after this so I will focus on points 1 and 2!

Daft comment by joanna, gave me a grin though

It could be worse. I got the phone call - all of 3 minutes - informing me that he was "seeing someone else now". Then yesterday, I came back to find my belongings dumped in front of the door to my house. Which upset me all over again after 2 months of no contact (I had asked him to return them at some point but had expected a civilised handover in person).

A text, especially an early morning text, is very lazy and shitty.

Haha love that saying Scammed and so true! Its almost like everything was wrong, we literally had not a single thing in common, but he felt right? We had some sort of connection and that made everything okay, however daft it sounds.

Yorkshire, love the list, thank you! I will definitely add those points, along with keeping me awake by sleep talking and making rubbish cups of coffee!

Watch Bridget Jones and sing your heart out

We had some sort of connection and that made everything okay, however daft it sounds Yeah that wears off... believe me.

When the gloss of a new relationship has gone, and daily grind kicks in, living together, working, dealing with health issues, family issues, all the shit that life throws at you... you need someone who you connect with, share interests and goals with, and who loves you for you.

As for him not wanting kids... deal breaker. Massive one. You can't change him, and holding out hoping he'll eventually change his mind is a waste of your time, your life and your fertile years. I speak from bitter experience xx

Thanks stick, very true. Unfortunately I am in a high risk area and back on restrictions and I am being extra careful as I live with a high risk person. Thankfully I have a time consuming hobby (horses) which is invaluable! I will probably meet up with a family member at the park tomorrow and i am still working.

Anna, thank you for the lovely comment. J hope so!

Former, glad you are doing better now. There is nothing quite like heartbreak! Love the list, the mmm mmm has already given me the rage!

Ah that's super shit Incandescent, I'm really sorry! Getting your belongings back would have been shit.

I dont know what to do about mine, I dont have loads at his, probably £100 worth of clothes and some jewellery. He has said i can pick it up and his flat mate can give it to me but its 25 minutes each way and I simply can't be arsed.

I know it's awful now, but it's definitely for the best. I was gutted when I was dumped in my 20s even though I didn't particularly like my boyfriend . It does get easier though, and in time you'll feel relieved.

Thanks Scammed, I know you are totally right and I hope things worked out for you. I think the lack of common interests, hobbies, pastimes etc would have been a deal breaker too eventually. We spent about 2 overnights a week together so we managed okay but when we progressed it would have been a massive issue im sure.

Haha gower, rejection is shite, even if you arent a fan of the person doing the rejecting

Ah I’m sorry OP, I got dumped by text last year and it’s a proper kick in the teeth. It does get easier, it just takes time.

I don't mean to make light of it - I remember being totally heartbroken and shocked. Didn't help that it was Christmas!! I think you just get used to people, and change is always difficult. Honestly, I look back now and remember how bloody irritating he was!!

Also text dumping is really brutal and I think the shock makes the impact worse.

Hope you're okay now sunshine, looking at it, it really is a shitty way to end things.

Gower, yeah I think it is the shock really which I'm struggling with. He sent it at 7 am yesterday and i didn't reply until lunch time today, i wish I had kept ignoring him tbh. Definitely get used to people.
P.s. Hope he still got you a Christmas present

I've been dumped by text before (different bloke) and with hindsight I really wish I'd just replied 👍 and left it at that!!!

Yup, I definitely wish i hadn't replied. Because then of course he replied etc and now I cant seem to stop messaging him! Definitely no contact from tomorrow!

@ScammedOrWhat

Oh love, it's shit but you know it gets better.

If you had been arguing, and disagreed on the fundamentals like having kids, then he ain't that great.

Love is like a fart - if you have to force it, it's probably shit

Oh I've been there.. and it's always shit:)

Don't let him carry on having the benefit of your companionship if he doesn't want to be with you.

NC is hard, and sometimes unrealistic- but it does help to ask yourself what he's getting from still texting you, and why should you give him that?

NC is definitely realistic and definitely the way i need to go. I know that and time are the only things that will ever help!

He wants you to pick up your stuff from his? His flatmate can hand it over? What a charmer!

There is nothing like heartbreak. It physically causes pain. But time does make it hurt a little less and every day it gets a little better.

Keep your dignity and go NC woth him.

Gather your tribe and makes dates to do things with them. Lean on them for RL support.

Sending you

. Not didn't mean to press that one !!

You are definitely better off without this child person !

Yeah, he didnt have a car so it was me that did all the driving to and from him, which was getting to me a bit i must admit as he never acknowledged that.

Yeah, i think it's embarrassing at his age that he'd make his flatmate do it... Plus I didnt find his flatmate overly welcoming so it would be an awkward exchange, thats why I'm leaving towards leaving the belongings!