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Original poster

Is my husband planning to snatch the kids?

30 replies

okaynextstepsare · 13/08/2020 09:54

We moved years ago from one UK country to another UK country. In honesty the marriage has broken down, sleep in separate rooms, have told husband marriage is utterly over and asked him to discuss split, but he refuses. He recently said he wants to apply for a job that has come up in the country we used to live.
I have a small property there - I said where would you live? I am not living in our old place with you. He insists we would live there and share a bedroom. I told him there is no way I am doing that.

He is going ahead with the application, and his search history shows he has been looking up properties in that country by school catchment.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 13/08/2020 09:56

Speak to a lawyer. I would also contact the LEA in the region and state as the mother you don’t support any future applications for schooling in their area.

Original poster
okaynextstepsare · 13/08/2020 10:07

Would the LEA then refuse to process any applications?

I really don't know what he is thinking.

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 13/08/2020 10:09

Definitely speak to a lawyer

And hide their passports.

combatbarbie · 13/08/2020 10:18

I don't think he's planning on snatching them, it sounds as if he thinks you will move and he is looking for his own property to live in so the split is happening.

Not sure why you need to hide the passports 🤔 unless the other UK country is Gibraltar.... Which is often confused as being UK.

Original poster
okaynextstepsare · 13/08/2020 10:19

He doesn't need passports as they are young and they are travelling within the UK.

OP posts:
kingdomcapers · 13/08/2020 10:22

I think for best advice you are going to have to state the countries. If it's Scotland/England then there's different laws and tbh I don't know anyone who has had a cross border separation/divorce so I'm not sure what I could say other than seek out a solicitor in the jurisdiction that you and your children reside in currently. Hide all id paperwork for the children, birth certs, passports, letters re child benefit etc, even give them to a friend for safe-keeping. Is the smaller house in your name only. I'd do same with any paperwork, keys etc relating to the property. Is it currently empty or do you have tenants? You might need to check with a property lawyer in that area what rights your DH would have in regard to access, share of value.

seensome · 13/08/2020 10:24

He thinks you will all go with him, I don't think he would snatch the kids, he's planning on working and quite honestly men rather not have the sole responsibility of working and childcare.
Unless he's made you think he could do something like that?

Original poster
okaynextstepsare · 13/08/2020 10:29

He thinks you will all go with him

I think this is most likely, but then its what happens if he gets the job and I say no? I can't see how he could make it work practically, what with sorting schools and childcare in time to start the job tbh. But he is so utterly detached from reality and will be so enraged not to get his way that God knows what he will do. I'm just hoping he doesn't get the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
okaynextstepsare · 13/08/2020 10:32

Though he may be thinking if he takes the kids I will have to follow and move into the old place, so he'll kinda still get his way.

OP posts:
giletrouge · 13/08/2020 10:34

I'm just hoping he doesn't get the job.
Which won't solve anything OP. What do you want to happen here? Do you want to separate from him properly?

Sunrise234 · 13/08/2020 10:34

I think it sounds like he is in denial that you are splitting up. And that he is trying to put the family back together.

Why are you still living in the same house as him? If he's refusing to move out are you able to move and then get a divorce?

Sunrise234 · 13/08/2020 10:35

Is there a reason you think the kids would go with him?

giletrouge · 13/08/2020 10:36

And how many children and how old are they?

pog100 · 13/08/2020 10:38

You just refuse to go. You have agency. No one else can force you to move. Depending on your present accommodation it’s unlikely he can force a sale or termination of contract?
It sounds like you need to initiate divorce proceedings now.

Dyrne · 13/08/2020 10:43

You need to give him a clear indication that it’s over. Stop trying to discuss the split with him - get a lawyer and present him with divorce documents.

He doesn’t sound like he’s planning on taking the children, he sounds like he’s in denial and perhaps thinks that going back to your “old life” will magically fix the relationship.

If you’re concerned about his anger or you feel unsafe then contact Women’s Aid for advice.

june2007 · 13/08/2020 10:49

If he took all kids paper work and pass ports, would you see that as controlling? So isn,t it the same if you took them? I think you need to sit down and discuss plans as you are now heading in differen directions.

KitchenConfidential · 13/08/2020 10:51

County. You mean county.
But you don’t have to go? Just say no. But I really think, if he’s as detached from reality as you say he is, you need to be formally leaving him. Start the divorce and move out with the kids. Start by going and seeing a lawyer and get some
Proper advice about where you stand and what your fears are.

SixesAndEights · 13/08/2020 10:55

County. You mean county.

There's more than one country in the UK.

Deux · 13/08/2020 11:01

@KitchenConfidential there are 3 countries in Great Britain and 4 in the UK. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Hidingtonothing · 13/08/2020 11:18

There is something called a Prohibited Steps Order you can apply to court for to prevent one parent taking children out of the area without the other parents consent but I don't know if you could apply if you're still technically together. I agree with PP's, you need to start divorce proceedings whether he agrees or not, he can't stop it happening just by burying his head in the sand. Rights of Women can give legal advice and help you find a solicitor rightsofwomen.org.uk/

FortunesFave · 13/08/2020 11:22

Put your property up for sale. That shows you're serious.

onlinelinda · 13/08/2020 11:38

Your issue is that you are waiting on him to discuss the split. It isn't his choice whether you end the relationship. Start divorce proceedings.

Shizzlestix · 13/08/2020 12:47

Is your old place rented out? If he gets the job, you tell him you’re not going, nor are the dc.

Bunnymumy · 13/08/2020 13:12

So why are you hanging about. No is no, it isnt up for his negotiation. Start looking to move out to a place. Take action. Dont hang about in the household, telling him it is over as all you are doing is putting yourself in danger (I suspect anyway, seen as he seems not to understand NO).

If its money issue, speak to a lawyer about divorce and selling the home (if owned). If the home is not owned, maybe move out and stay with family for now if you cant afford another place. Ideally take the kids too.

You've ended it. So end it. Either remove him or remove yourself from that home.

As for kid snatching, do you really think he would want the responsibility of raising kids alone? Doubt it! He may pretend he would in order to manipulate you but its bs.

I suggest speaking to womans aid as it dound like you are living with an abuser.

RandomMess · 13/08/2020 13:14

Please look at getting a prohibitive steps order.

Sounded very stressful tbh.

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