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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AM SO DISCUSTED & ANGRY!

67 replies

blueteddy · 15/10/2004 17:57

I know that I may be over reacting, but I am fuming right now!
My 2 young sons were both sitting watching cbeebies & suddenly I heard my eldest ds yell because ds2 had turned on the play button & ruined the programme (nothing new there!)
Any way, I was alarmed 2 then hear sexual noises coming from the tv & see that they were sat viewing a close up of a woman performing oral sex on a well endowed black penis!
I am not a prude, & if I am married 2 a bloke who obviously gets a kick out of this (which I didn't think he was into until 5 minutes ago!) then so be it, but 2 leave it in the video recorder, when he knows that our 1.5 yr old loves pressing buttons, has made me really, really cross!
Our children are aged 1 & 5 & I feel sick that they have just seen this.
My dh has gone out 4 the night 2 his friends house (as he often does) so I can't even have a rant at him!
Do u think that I'm over reacting, or would u be angry 2?

OP posts:
Thomcat · 15/10/2004 18:52

Well let's just hope that your anger is able to dissapate a bit when he is mortified when you tell him what happened. You every right to be angry, and scream at him if you need to but I'd also let him know how terribly dissappointed and hurt you are with him. Hope you can unwind a bit before you go to sleep, it's not nice to have to go to sleep in such a state. Love TC x

Amfs · 15/10/2004 18:53

I'd be furious (though not about the porn TBH) .. I'd be furious about him leaving it in .. careless and stupid

Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 19:12

I doubt that I will get 2 sleep b4 he returns tonight, no matter what the time, as I will still be churning it over & over in my head.
I will be expressing my disgust, that is 4 sure!
I only posted on here 2 nights ago about how down I was feeling in general & today I was actually feeling a bit better, as ds1 had a really good day at school. Now, however, I am feeling worse than ever!

OP posts:
Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 19:14

Also, I was going 2 have a night without alcahol tonight, but now I have changed my mind!

OP posts:
Thomcat · 15/10/2004 19:16

Oh mate, crack a bottle open right now.

Skate · 15/10/2004 19:17

Oooh, I'd be hopping if dh had been so careless. Probably your ds's didn't even realise what they were seeing so I'm sure it won't affect them so try not to worry about that.

Certainly give dh absolute hell - what a prat.

PS I don't know ANY bloke that doesn't watch it or look at it in magazines so he's def not strange in that dept, just incredibly careless.

Tessiebear · 15/10/2004 19:18

Bluetedds - am so sorry that this happened - arnt men just dirty rotten pigs sometimes (and to hire it withou telling you as well) - how long were your DS's exposed to this???
Also so sorry you are feeling down in general - anything i can do to help?

Tessiebear · 15/10/2004 19:21

Bluetedds - well done for bining it - cant you phone him from your normal phone instead of your mobile? Just so he knows the "scene" he is coming back too! Your DH can rest assured that he has had the only "Sex" he will be getting for a while and - he knows what your DS2 is like with the telly and video at the moment!

Tessiebear · 15/10/2004 19:26

Bluetedds - got to go and get dinner now but will try to be around later - good luck with your DH - i will ring you in the morning if you like? TessieX

Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 19:26

Hi Tessiebear!
They were only exposed 2 it 4 a matter of seconds, as I heard the sexual noises right away.
However it was long enough 4 them 2 see a large erect black penis in a women's mouth.
Ds1 was just sat watching the telly, looking puzzled.
Things have been getting on top of me recently, as dh has been working very long shifts, leaving me 2 see 2 kids on my own all the time & ds1 is not mixing & playing at school again, so I have been worrying about that a lot.
This is just the icing on the cake!

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 15/10/2004 19:38

Bluetedds - why is your DH out at his friends tonight if he has been neglecting you because of work recently - doesnt he think you could do with some "time off" or at least a hand!
Re: DS1 - could you try and "encourage" him to play with certain people that you suggest and also ask other children to try and include him and then report back after lunch as to what they played? - this seemed to have a certain amount of success with my DS1
P.S Your DH has obviously had some "time" to himself today

Tessiebear · 15/10/2004 19:40

P.S I am sure that the exposure to porn wont have any lasting effect on DS's - they probably thought that the nice lady had a very big lollypop (BTW you will probably laugh about this in weeks to come!)

kimi · 15/10/2004 19:45

Hello blueteddy, i hope you dont mind my posting on this but it could have been written by me.
My dh (who is a lovely man) has a thing for vidoes and as he is a grown man if he want to watch other grow men/women doing nastys that is up to him, but we have had so many rows about the fact that he leaves the dame things lying about and as we have 2 boys age 4 and 8 i do not want them to see this stuff.
I got to the end of the line when i had to get a friend to "clean" the computer of big bouncy babes for the 3rd time so i had a little bonfire!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also i have so many fire walls on the computre now we can hardly open anything, but needs must.
I hope you give him a real mouthfull when he gets home as its a very stupid thing to do to leave it where the children can see it, just tell him how mad you are and ask him how he feels about his children being exposed to this sort of thing, what if they had had friends round who had seen it and gone home to their parents and told their parents.
Also a pillow and duvet on the sofa for a few nights might make him thing again.
Good luck.

Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 19:48

Yes he did have time 2 himself this morning, while I was at work & ds1 was at the childminders!
I don't know what 2 do about ds1 & it is made worse by the fact that I work at the school & can see him wandering around the playground on his own.
I'm dreading parents evening on Monday. Especially as dh is conveniantly working late shift, so cannot come with me.
I have been worrying that I may go back 2 like I was & have thought of getting back in touch with my HV again.

OP posts:
Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 19:51

Thanks kimi.
It's good 2 know that I am not the only 1 who has been in this situation!
A few nights on the sofa sounds good 2 me!

OP posts:
Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 20:09

Am now on the wine!!

OP posts:
Skate · 15/10/2004 20:11

Good on ya!

I know so many people this has happened to - my dh better not be so careless. He will seriously regret it for a loooooong time

Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 20:53

Thanx to everyone 4 your advice.
I have calmed a bit now (probably due 2 the wine!), but will still give dh hell when he eventually returns!

OP posts:
doobydoo · 15/10/2004 21:18

Hope yyou are feeling abit calmer now Blueteddy.
Good luck when you confront him.
I know men do this sort of thing but i hate the furtiveness and sneakiness of it and total lack of thought/respect for you and his children.
Well done for binning it.
Sorry bout all your other worries too but it sounds like there are some great people on MN so remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Let us know how you are doing won't you?

FairyMum · 15/10/2004 21:24

I wouldn't worry too much. He probably just forgot and won't do it again. Same thing has happened in my house and although I didn't like it and had a word with DH about it, I am much more furious when he leaves his stupid action movies around the house. I think violence is much more scarier for kids than a blow-job.

Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 21:26

Thanx Doobydoo!
I sure will let u all know how things go.
So glad that I have found Mumsnet, I would have been coping alone tonight if I hadn't.
I am feeling a little calmer, but probably coz I'm on my 3rd glass of wine!

OP posts:
Original poster
blueteddy · 15/10/2004 21:31

Also have my sad 80's cd playing!
What more do I need 2 relax me!!

OP posts:
collision · 15/10/2004 21:31

Some American friends of mine were telling me that they had been to Germany and left their kids for 5 mins in the hotel room while they went to get their bags from the car. They were watching kids TV. When they came back the older one told them they had been flicking over the channels and came across something like you described your kids had seen. They were of course horrified but really played it down and said how silly that was and it hasnt been mentioned since. I really dont think your children will be affected by this but I would still be FURIOUS!!

SofiaAmes · 16/10/2004 02:29

Yes I'd be furious. My dh "reads" (if you can call it that) the Sunday Sport and I won't even let him do that around our kids (2 and 4). He has to throw them straight out when he's done with them and all hell breaks loose if I find that he's left one around the house. I also react the same way to violence and won't let him watch boxing or violent movies if the kids are in the room.

susanmt · 16/10/2004 04:26

blueteddy - how are you and how did it go with your dh? I too would be furious and very very upset by this. I hope he understands just how stupid and irresponsible he has been. Do let us know how things went. All the best.

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