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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex husband making it hard

36 replies

damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:17

My ex, who I still see a lot as we share this house and children is making life hard for me.

I’m ready to go out and meet new people and do new amazing things. But he gets very jealous. Crying. When I ask him if I can go for an evening walk he get all sulky and cries because he thinks I’m meeting someone. So I just don’t bother. He creates it so that I feel that bad about going I just don’t. I wanted to go shopping today. On my own. And he kept saying that because I had new underwear on, a blouse and make up that I was meeting someone else.

Honestly I despair.

OP posts:
Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:20

Separated yet I still feel like a prisoner.

OP posts:
imissthesouth · 08/08/2020 21:21

He's simply bitter that you could go out and meet someone else. With the sounds of it he won't be getting any takers

fwwaftp · 08/08/2020 21:21

What options do you have for one of you moving out? Surely you can't continue to live together.

What would happen if you just went out for your evening walk without asking him?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 08/08/2020 21:21

You need to stop living together somehow. It’s clearly not healthy for either of you.

Giraffey1 · 08/08/2020 21:24

Why are you both still living under the same roof? Have your talked to a solicitor about your rights in this situation?

Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:25

We don’t live together. He was here helping with the children. They’re asleep so I wanted to go for an evening stroll. He used to do it. With a head torch etc. But when it’s me all sorts of danger is lurking FFS.

OP posts:
bigchris · 08/08/2020 21:27

Doesn't sound like you've separated at all, I feel sorry for him, you need to finish it properly

bigchris · 08/08/2020 21:28

Oh crossed posts

Arrivederla · 08/08/2020 21:29

Why are you listening to him? Just go!

I know it's difficult at first but the more you ignore the awful controlling man the easier it will get. Seriously.

Bessica1970 · 08/08/2020 21:32

If the children are asleep why is he still there? It sounds like he wants to to get back together, and you allowing him to hang around is encouraging that.
I would have him see the children at his house, and drop them off when he’s had his time with them.
You need to find a babysitter for when you want some freedom - or do your own thing when the children are at his.

Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:37

I’ve told him time and time again it isn’t what I want. The police have told him he can come here whenever he wants. So he does. I’m also financially dependent on him still. I don’t know how to get him to get it. He’s very unstable.

OP posts:
Bessica1970 · 08/08/2020 21:42

Can you move out?
Even if you need to claim benefits if he gets funny with money?
Can you talk to womens aid for advice. This sounds emotionally controlling, and it sounds like he could well flip if you met someone (or he thought you had).

category12 · 08/08/2020 21:45

You need to sell up.

slipperywhensparticus · 08/08/2020 21:46

his name on the house I assume? You need an occupation order i think to prevent him disrupting everything

How do the kids feel about him showing up crying and having a go at you? It doesn't sound healthy for them

category12 · 08/08/2020 21:51

Are you divorced yet? If not, you need to get on with it.

Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:51

Women’s aid are involved already. We jointly own this home. I’d like to stay here. I’m in the process of applying for legal aid. I claim UC now already.

I have no idea how he’ll react when he finds out about the divorce stuff and if I ever do meet someone else. The thought terrifies me tbh.

He has said that if I meet someone else he’ll divorce me for adultery. To which my solicitor laughed. I embarrass him as I joined Tinder and all his mates saw.

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 08/08/2020 21:53

How does he know about your underwear?could he be getting mixed messages?

Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 21:55

He went through my drawer

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 08/08/2020 22:01

lord, can you put a lock on the bedroom door? i think you need to document all this with a view to complaining about harassment.

GhostOfMe · 08/08/2020 22:02

That's creepy. Can you replace your bedroom door handle with one that needs a key so he at least can't get in there?

category12 · 08/08/2020 22:03

I'm surprised the police told him he can come round whenever he wants? Did you witness this or is it what he tells you they said?

Could you get your solicitor to apply for a non-molestation order and an occupation order for the house?

Original poster
damnthisvirusandmarriage · 08/08/2020 22:16

It’s his house so they told him he can come m whenever the likes. Although when I called to ask them they did say they asked him to keep the peace and only when invited sort of thing. So who knows. I’m applying for legal aid which might help with orders x

OP posts:
copperoliver · 08/08/2020 22:19

You are still allowing him to control you, do what you want to do whether he cries or not. X

category12 · 08/08/2020 22:29

OP, it looks like you could potentially apply for an injunction against him online for free www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

It might be worth looking at.

mamascorpio · 09/08/2020 10:40

Op you need to obtain an occupation and non molestation order. The behaviour of your ex is harassment. Going through your drawer and emotionally blackmailing you to behave as he likes.

It is healthy for him to see the children at the house.