Husband no longer loves me / will this ever get easier

[Smith14590]

My husband left 2 weeks ago today...
he had been very cold and distant for a few weeks but I put it down to stress.
I was helping his mum out before he left and she kept dropping hints such as
“He never happy”
“Your friend went through heartbreak and got through it”
“It’s such a good job we don’t know what’s happening next in life”
I thought I was going crazy 🥺
So I called him at work a few hours later to ask if things were ok, for him to say “I’m not happy, I can’t do this anymore”
I feel so heartbroken, it’s just deeply upsetting and I cannot stop thinking.. “what could I have done differently” 🥺

I’m 28 and feel like my world is over!

Is there any positive stories?

@Mumoftwo12345

Thank you for your response! I do sometimes think if I had had a baby would he have stayed but I know I can’t think like that.

Yeh every day is a struggle, I’ve been out on Anti depressants so to be honest I feel really numb at the moment. X

Don't take him back this time. He's had his chance and he's blown it. In fact, I'd start the legal side moving so fast he won't know what's hit him.
If he wants to crawl back, he can crawl to his mummy as she seems to understand him so well.

He’s not fully committed to you OP. His mother knows it and deep down you do too.

Don’t allow him to return. It’ll be temporary, until there’s another blip or another woman. You can’t live your life with a hot-and-cold man. Tell yourself that you deserve more.

@katy1213

Yeh I know what you mean. Thing is that I’d have him back in a heartbeat! Everyone says you’ll get over this but we’ve been together since I was 15. I don’t want anyone else x

@Patch23042

Thank you for your response. I know what you mean, it’s just deep down I love hiM so much that it actually hurts! I’d have him back in a heartbeat. X

I was with my first partner 9 years. When we separated I was devastated I thought my world had ended. I realised after a while it was the best thing to happen to me. My life ended up being much happier without him. Everything happens for a reason. X

@copperoliver

Really, I hope one day I feel like this but I just really can’t see it? When people say this I just think “you didn’t love as much as I did” thank you for your response x

You will feel better with time and you deserve to be with someone who is totally in love with you and you are each other's world. X

@copperoliver

Is that not just fairytales x

I thought the same thing. 'No one loved him like I did' I dreamt about him every night. We'd been together for 12 years.
I thought no one would want me since I'd just had a baby.
It's now been 6 years and I can't even remember what I saw in him.
You will come back from this and you will find love again x

You don't want anyone else right now. But much better to lick your wounds now and start a bright new life than let him run rings around you for the next 10 years and find yourself in the same situation when you're pushing 40.
You're young enough to make a clean break. Honestly, in the context of your whole life ahead of you, this will be an unhappy blip.

You can be happy again. You will probably look back and thank god that it ended. I did! I was heartbroken and yes there was another woman. I didn't know, I took him back. He was terribly unhappy. I was a mess. I caught him. He left.

Sooooo much happier without him

Good luck xx

Don't let yourself at any point obsess about what he's doing or going through. Or who he could be seeing or why it didn't work out. Don't fall down that rabbit hole.

It really does sound like the end and like it was him not you.

You are two years younger than me. Plenty of time to build a wonderful life for yourself but you must look forward rather than back. This is an opportunity in disguise.

This is horrible, but you are still really young. I don't know anyone who got married before the age of 28, we all got married between about 29 and mid thirties, many friends were still single at 28. In other words, you have plenty of time to settle down with someone who you actually deserve.

And do not have a baby thinking it will keep him. It won't, it never does in the long run. All that will happen is you'll find yourself divorced and a single mum. At the moment you are young, free of childcare issues etc, and single. Once you've mourned the loss of this idiot, you will have every opportunity.

There's an imbalance in the marriage, as you seem to hold him in such high regard and have him on a pedestal.

He doesn't see you in the same light at all.

Flip this round... would he be feeling like you if you cheated on him?

When a man or woman knows the other loves them unconditionally no matter what... you leave yourself open to get trampled on and your heart will be broken as a result.

You're the only one who can protect your heart. He's shown he isn't committed anymore.

Thank you everyone so much x

So you don't make him happy. What about you ? Does his behaviour make you happy?

If he tries to come back again I would strongly suggest you get a backbone and say no. It will only happen again. It also looks like he talked about you to other people which is disgusting and shows he has no respect at all.

@Anordinarymum

Yeah, I mean he’s all I’ve known since I’ve been 15, in my eyes we was best friends. Up till our issues 18 months ago but then he begged to come back, but clearly for the wrong reasons.

Yeah, I think that’s what also hurts. He was so distant to me, yet talking to his mum about me!

He didn't love you enough to fight for your marriage.
Marriage is work and you have to be willing to recognise when things are starting to go wrong and work at staying in love. (Early child years espieicially).
He didn't do this because getting out was easier.
You deserve someone who loves you, who communicates with you and will carry you when you're down and vice versa.
He doesn't sound like he has the ability to do this.
Let him go, cry and scream it's ok to grieve. Time does heal though.

Decide now to do something for you in the next few days. It could be little (bath and wine) or big (go stay at a nice hotel by yourself and read books). Treat yourself.

@Arrowcat

Thank you for your response!

I know deep down. I’d be saying this to my friends but it’s so hard to put it into practice when it’s yourself.

I’m not sure those guys exist!

I’m not sure those guys exist! As someone who's been there please trust me they do exist! But don't worry, that's something to worry about further down the line. As @Arrowcat wisely says look after yourself and treat yourself for the next few days (and weeks!). It will help enormously and you will heal. You're grieving and you need to treat yourself incredibly gently. I know you love him but you deserve so much better than his unkind, disrespectful treatment of you. Its a cliche but time does help, treat yourself as kindly as you can whilst you heal

Argh, the sleeveless nights are never ending

Try and distract yourself. Can you put a funny film or something if you can't sleep.

Take it one day at a time. Try not to think about future guys, whether good ones exist or not, babies and so on. Just focus on now.

It must be hard at this time, everything is so up in the air, but you'll get through it. 6 years on and I never even think about my ex, in fact, I'm so glad he's out of my life.

I coped by moving, and focusing on new hobbies. It sounds silly but I took up knitting and I would cry and knit and it weirdly helped. And hiking. After a 6 hour hike, you don't have energy for crying.

Thank you