Am I letting myself in for heartbreak ??

[Willowmartha1]

Met someone in February and we had a few dates before lockdown kept in touch etc and met again a couple of weeks ago where it transpired that a women he knew three years ago has got back in touch and he had been to hers for the weekend. He then regaled me with what an amazing weekend it had been but that she was a total nutcase and he didn't think he would see her again although from the way he was talking I think he would go again if she asked him. He now wants to meet up with me at the weekend as he said he likes spending time with me and I really enjoy seeing him too, I'm torn between going or cancelling and saving myself the heartbreak. Advice ??

He then regaled me with what an amazing weekend it had been but that she was a total nutcase and he didn't think he would see her again

Give him a hard pass. Why would he think you'd care about his weekend? The fact he slagged off this woman and called her a nutcase shows what a prick he is. He sounds all of 15 years old.

You can do better.

I would stay away. Purely because he told you about it and all the details you didn't need to know, the crazy and exciting stuff intended to make you jealous.

If you're not exclusive then it's fine that he went but I would expect a man to gloss over details of other dates and would do the same. You didn't need to know he'd had an 'amazing time'.

Sounds as though he's trying to set himself up for a nice four handed ego stroke with you both by doing this.

He said he didn't feel things had progressed with us (erm it was lockdown !!) which is why he hooked up with this woman.

He's got no awareness of how self-absorbed he is. Whether he had a good time or not is not something he should be going on about with you. If he was not going to see her again and was thinking things might start going well with you, he would not have told you. If he had any decency, he would of considered carefully beforehand, whether he should of spent the weekend with her.
However, now you know, I'd advise not touching this one with a bargepole if you are after a serious relationship. He's got it in early and is already testing your boundaries, yes people don't have to be exclusive until they say they are, but it's not ok to brag about it. Given you've stayed in contact for about 6 months now, you'd think more respect would be called for.

Yuk no

Too much in here,, it’s like a red flag forest!

Shagging his ex
Calling her a nutter
Blaming you for doing it

The way you describe it, things haven't progressed, people have been able to meet at a social distance for a good while now, and since June been able to form a bubble if single ( we know what that rule was about ). My guess would be he's the type that likes sexting as an outlet, only way to get around full lockdown. Nothing wrong if this is not your thing, just makes him not for you in that case.

Let him goooo . Let him gooo.

Look at me! I'm such a catch! I'm in demand and other women want me! Act now to "secure" my interest because I'll be snapped up if you don't!

Yuk. He sounds like a sexually incontinent tosser. You weren't available so he went with someone else. Presumably because having a gap with no love interest or shagging was too much for him to bear.

He had already met you and was disinterested enough to go off with someone else. That tells you everything you need to know. You aren’t special to him at all.

He's trying to test to see if can get away with seeing you both, with your sort of blessing, if you're wanting an exclusive relationship then he's not the one, he would be trying much harder to make you feel that you're the only special woman he wants.
I would run..

So he didn’t think things had progressed enough and he went off with someone else. Your gut says he’d go back out with the other woman if she’d have him (although he’s slagging her off to save his pride!). Yet you’re actually considering giving him another chance and letting him treat you like second best?? Of course you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak!

"Too much in here,, it’s like a red flag forest!

Shagging his ex
Calling her a nutter
Blaming you for doing it"

This. He sounds like a bastard to me, actually.

I wouldn't like the way he spoke about the other woman and it's a bit strange why he felt the need to mention the weekend.

Went out on a few dates with you, disappeared to shag another woman, contacted you again to tell you about it, then asked you out.

Seriously?

Hard pass.

Every time my exh wanted to put me off the scent about a woman he'd always say she's nuts or mad or bi polar...

Google 'triangulation'. He's trying to manipulate you into doing a 'pick-me dance'.

Dump him.

Oh god I couldn't be bothered with this shit. And any man that calls a woman they're still happy to spend time with a nutcase is a no for me.

Something similar happened to me many years ago. I sent a text to end things. He respected me for it and I felt a sense of relief. This guy was a friend of a friend so I found out that he actually ended up marrying this woman he told me about it so I'm soooo glad I did bow out.

If a guys into you he wouldn't do this.

I think the lack of respect he showed you by recounting his exciting weekend should send you running.
It’s less to do with the fact he went and spent a weekend with another woman and more to do with the fact he felt the need to tell you.

In what context did he know this woman?

My ex had a female "friend." She lived up north (we are based in the South East of the UK) and he would often go up and spend weekends with her at the start of our relationship because they were best friends. Of course they were! There would be pictures of them hugging on the sofa or holding hands, but nothing was going on between them, she had a boyfriend... blah, blah,blah.

I had his baby 18 months later and voila! I found a naked picture of her on his bed. He swore on our child's life that she didn't know he was taking the picture. I obviously later found out they were shagging.

He used to point out how ugly she was. "Urgh, why would you think I'd go near that? Look at her! She's ugly!" 🙄

Don't end up getting your heart broken.

@Menora

Yuk no

Too much in here,, it’s like a red flag forest!

Shagging his ex
Calling her a nutter
Blaming you for doing it

All this! Megalomaniac with ego the size of Everest - I'm so in demand, I pretty much audition women to do the Pick Me Dance.

What a bastard. I'd ghost immediately.

He's told you about All The Exciting Things because he wants you to compete. He wants you to try to be More Exciting Than Her, by doing all the things he'll tell you that she wouldn't do (anal? Coke? Drinking all night?).

So he's basically grooming you to cross boundaries you may already have set, just to be better than the other woman.

He will be calling you a 'nut case' once he beds you...and he will be comparing your performance with his previous conquest in some vapid ego-enhancing speech to the next target of his 'affections' (although the only person he is fond of is himself, evidently). If you allow yourself to be a doormat that is walked upon by someone who does anything but show you how special you are...expect he will scrape his feet on your coir on the way out. Run, forget impending heart break...think about the potential public health disaster he may well be...covid, sexually transmitted diseases etc.

@Rleom she's the sister of a lady who works in his local pub, he met her three years ago and apparently she was a 'massive coke head' she got in touch over lockdown and said she had changed and no longer did the drugs and had taken up running. When he saw her he realised she had lied to him and was still doing drugs and meeting random strangers for sex ! He said he feels hoodwinked, the reason the weekend was so great was that he visited some old childhood haunts which he found emotional. Still don't know what to do.