Hi all. Not really sure what I’m after here but I feel like I need to talk to someone about this.
So DH and I have been married for 8 years, together 10, and last night I came within a hairs breadth of having an affair. So background. Six years ago, me and OM started working for the same company, but in different offices so we didn’t see each other daily. There was an instant attraction and we both knew it (as did most of our co-workers) even though nothing was ever said. We’ve since both left the company but have kept in touch as we have a lot in common and a lot of common friends - friends that are mine and not really my husbands. I have also become quite close to a girl who has since become his step sister (we live in the country - it’s a very small world!). Over the years there have been quite a few drunken occasions where we have told each other how we feel, but other than heavy flirting, nothing physical has ever happened between us, although it came close a few times. Basically we both feel as though we met at the wrong time as I was already married (married young at 22 and didn’t really know what I wanted out of life back then), and had I not been married already then we would probably be married to each other by now.
Anyway, a couple of days ago we started some seriously heavy flirting over text message completely out of the blue, which lasted all day and ended with a very naughty late night snap chat session. Then DH went away for the weekend and OM came over last night. We did kiss, a lot, and both really wanted it to go further but I was wracked with guilt which he could see and so he left saying that he didn’t want me to wake up feeling awful as he couldn’t do that to me. I’ve since been feeling horrendous all day, but not because I did cheat (let’s face it I’ve been having an emotional affair for six years) but because I can’t stop thinking about OM. We have talked a lot today and decided we’ve done the right thing, but I don’t think either of us are convinced it’s over.
My marriage isn’t really unhappy. DH is a lovely man, and a great father to our DD, but I just don’t see him that way anymore. We never have sex as I just never want it with him, and I know he gets very frustrated with that. I feel like a terrible wife and mother right now but I’m so confused and have no idea what to do about any of it. To top it all off, DH and I (prior to this) were trying for another baby through IVF, 3 unsuccessful rounds so far, but now I feel like it would be ridiculous to bring another child into this mess. But how do I tell DH that?