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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why won't he meet in real life

81 replies

averybumpyride · 03/08/2020 18:20

Hi. I've recently started dating again after being widowed in my 30s. My DH is now dead just over 4 year and I have 2 children.
So I met this guy on tinder just over 3 weeks ago. We started texting and he ticked so many boxes. I really like him and we seem to have loads in common. He seems to really like me too sometimes texting all day. I know he is who he says he is cause a friend of the family knows him and says that he is a really nice guy but very shy. He also only lives 3 miles from my house. So after a few days into texting I tried hinting to him about meeting up. He didn't pick up on it so I had to ask him out myself eventually. He gave several reasons why he couldn't but said maybe another time. After a while I asked him out again and this time he gave several excuses about being too busy to be in a relationship and didn't think is was fair for him to meet me when he couldn't commit. I tried stopping the messaging but he asked if we could continue to text as friends. Against better judgment I agreed but after a few days in I said I couldn't keep texting as friends without ever meeting him. He then agreed to meet as friends but when I tried the following day to pin him down to a day he started to back off again. Am I completely wasting my time here. I do believe he is very shy and he told me he has not been with any woman within the last 10 years. I would continue to just text but then I would end up with feelings for him. WWYD

OP posts:
Eslteacher06 · 04/08/2020 19:17

As previous posters have said... meet quite quickly cause you could build them to be something they are not in your head. Plus on the first meet up, make sure it's a coffee so you can scarper if it's not for you. I always thought of dates as opportunities bro meet new people than potential love interests and that took the pressure off.

Also, think about your last relationship. You say there were red flags. What were they? Are there any non negotiables? The minute you feel these boundaries are being pushed, bin them.

Good luck! And enjoy the process. You will meet some right frogs but they are great tales to tell :)

Eslteacher06 · 04/08/2020 19:17

*to meet lol

Eslteacher06 · 04/08/2020 19:18

*bin the guy, not the boundaries...sorry! It's been a long exhausting day!

DianaT1969 · 04/08/2020 19:35

Maybe he's trying to lose lockdown lbs before meeting you.

Sundaypolodog · 04/08/2020 19:59

I too found out that my DH had an affair, maybe I'd suspected something but chose not to accept it at the time. I only put two and two together after he died. It made me very wary of any potential red flags in new men but I gave one of them another chance and I've been married to him for 14 years now. So what I'm saying is give them the benefit of the doubt, unless it's a major red flag that you'll never be able to get past

RedRec · 04/08/2020 20:42

@Sunrise234 Thank you! 20 minutes to go - am just having a fortifying glass of wine.

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