Ex hasn’t returned my things

[anonnnnni]

Hello,

I’m three months on from a LDR breakup that I posted about here under a different name: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3893807-Backtracking-on-a-breakup-strange-behaviour

My ex is overseas and we’ve had zero contact since April. I’m doing really well but was hoping by now that I would have had some of my personal items returned to me. In particular, a piece of framed artwork that was actually a birthday gift from him(!) I had some newish hiking boots and my Christmas stocking from my childhood (I know, I know!) We lived together for over 18 months so naturally there’s some stuff of mine OS from when he relocated.

I’m coming round to the fact I won’t see these items again and they’ve likely been binned, especially as I didn’t request them. It goes without saying I can live without them, but has anyone experienced their ex not returning their things and isn’t this a pretty low thing for him to have done?

It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m just cross that I’m without those items and one of them had been given as a gift.

Urm message him and ask him to send you them?

Polite but firm.

Hang on, you didn't request them? Just ask for them?

I don't understand why you wouldn't have asked for these items when you broke up. He has probably assumed you have no interest in getting them back.

Artwork maybe a bit tricky to post overseas, fragile and expensive, but the other items, if you want them that much ask him to post them to you.

Is it not just common sense to post back people’s things following a break up? It would never occur to me to keep someone else’s things.

Ask for them back OP. What's the worst that can happen?

It may have more to do with laziness and not wanting to pay to send the package than simply lack of common sense.

Depending on how much stuff there is, the postage could be expensive. Make a list of the important things you want back and request them.

Ask for them. The worst he can say is no. Well, worse is fuck no.

Don't get why you've sat on it and expected him to take the lead, he probably can't be arsed or doesn't want to spend the money.

Is it really worth restarting contact with him? He comes off as manipulative and I wouldn't want my request for some things to turn into some type of emotional 'thing'. Especially if I was still feeling hurt or 'wobbly' about the break up.

If it weren't for the childhood stocking I'd probably think it wasn't worth it. I can certainly understand wanting that back.

Why haven’t you contacted this person to arrange shipping?

Not a chance would I post anything back until I heard from that person because I’m not going to necessarily pay for this.

Well I found my belongings got sold on Facebook marketplace by ex’s new girlfriend not long ago!
Send him a message asking for them back.

I got rid of loads of stuff from ex on marketplace. Hadn’t heard from him and not keeping it just in case. Waited around 4 months.

Oh he eventually asked about 9 months after he’d left. Was rather perplexed that I wouldn’t hold things indefinitely and even if I had anything left, I wasn’t taking his stuff to him.

My ex from 16 years ago hasn’t returned my things yet!

Ask before it becomes awkward 😂 don’t make the same mistakes I did!!

1. You're assuming he knows you want them back.
2. You're assuming he's going to pay for shipping and organise it.

How about YOU take the lead, contact him and suggest you making arrangements for couriers to pick it all up.

When I moves out of the fmh my exh refused to let me take any of my old things. A personalised story book from when I was a toddler, cross stitch pictures my relative had made for my dc, stuff around the house from years before we even met..
His bitterness came back to bite him.
As soon as dc were old enough they went nc.
Your ex's behaviour shows you had a lucky escape.

Your ex's behaviour shows you had a lucky escape.

Why - OP doesn't seem to have even asked for her stuff back, let alone organise it. Does the Ex even know where she is living at the moment - OP could have moved for all he knows.

Just ask him for your stuff back.

@Feralkidsatthecampsite

When I moves out of the fmh my exh refused to let me take any of my old things. A personalised story book from when I was a toddler, cross stitch pictures my relative had made for my dc, stuff around the house from years before we even met.. His bitterness came back to bite him. As soon as dc were old enough they went nc. Your ex's behaviour shows you had a lucky escape.

Could say the ex had a lucky escape not the op who is wanting the ex to be a mind reader. Never mind be out of pocket.

It’s a shame the dc’s went nc about things that were sentimental to you. You could have at the time exercised your legal rights and gained entry to retrieve your things unlike the op.

@category12 @canigooutyet

Why haven't I asked for the stuff back?

Let's see. I mean, he left me- please refer to my thread that I linked. Common courtesy would dictate you return your ex fiance's items without prompting, no?

I think it's unfair to assume he'd know withouth you asking! I haven't read teh prev thread but I say you should ask him to send them back, and offer to pay the postage.

@canigooutyet

Ha, I'm not expecting anyone to be a 'mind reader' and I find your comment that he had a lucky escape to be really unpleasant. I'm expecting- perhaps foolishly- for someone to do the decent thing. That appears to have touched a nerve with you for whatever reason.

Doesn’t matter who dumped who. You want your stuff you make contact. My ex left me, like fuck was I running around after his arse, same with when i dump someone.

Once it’s over that’s it and if the other person wants something it’s down on them.

If your not making contact and assuming he knows you want the stuff back, if he’s not a mind reader then what would you call him?

Some people would see posting things back as putting the boot in. You don’t. Tell him.