Good relationship- why am I not happy

[al281]

Me and my now partner started dating end of feb. We broke up a couple months later and have since got back together. During the break up, he was an absolute dick. We were still sleeping together but he would long me off, ignore messages, lie to me, prioritise friends and just leave me stringing along. I got pregnant by him and had a miscarriage a few days after a faint positive test. He refused to come over and stay with me and comfort me as he couldn't leave his house but decided to go meet friends and convinced me he was dating on of them. It broke me. I ended up getting drunk and sleeping with someone else- (when my daughter was at her dads) I had given up trying with him ( we were still not together) I told him about this. We spoke about all the mistakes and I told him I was leaving I didn't want to wait around for him anymore. Since then he's like a new person he's sweet, and supportive, he asked me to be with him. I agreed. It's a good relationship now- he's amazing Role model to my little girl( he always had been// but a different person when he's not around her). Things are good atm but I'm so stressed and keep feeling like it's forced. I don't know how to move forward from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

So in five months- all iof which have been during lockdown when you were not meant to be mixing, you have got together with this person, broken up with them, got pregnant, miscarried, got back together?
And you've slept with someone else?

And you already have a child?

My advice is to grow up. Concentrate on parenting the child you have.

All this just since February? Of this year?

@Prettybluepigeons ; he was staying with me, I wasn't mixing with anyone else, but when he went to go stay back home he would be mixing with all of his neighbours. So he had to stay home. My child is my number one priority, but I've known him longer than I've been in a relationship with him and I care a lot for him

It doesn’t sound like a good relationship to me.

If your child is your priority then why did you move this man into your home when you've only been together a couple of weeks?

@Prettybluepigeons

If your child is your priority then why did you move this man into your home when you've only been together a couple of weeks?

We have known him much longer that that& he's a family friend. he was staying with us for a few weeks. She knew him as my friend.

Can you genuinely not see how fucked up all this?

@Prettybluepigeons I do. He's moved in with his father. Making positives changes to his life and himself. I was hoping to move past it all. So I came for advice

Your friend who sleeps in your bed and makes you cry.

Be single. Work on you. Stop looking to men to make you happy. Get good contraception in place- the implant would be good.
Do the freedom programme.

If you do date, don't introduce the men into your children's lives.

How old are you?

Thank you for the advice. I've recently started contraceptive pills& she had known him for a while before we had dated ( so had already met him) otherwise things would have been different. I'm 21.

I don't want to sound harsh but 21 is so young. You have your whole future ahead of you, it's up to you which direction you want it to go in.

What would you like your life to be like in 10 years time?

If you feel stressed, then slow things down. See him less, think about other stuff more.

This isn't a good relationship at all, OP.

@Prettybluepigeons
I am very young I was pregnant at 16, had her at 17 and have living on my own since. I always prioritise her. I hope to living in a nice place. My little girl doing amazing in school- happy and in my dream job.

I think you’ve seen the nasty side of him and understandably don’t know how you can trust him. In all honesty I think when someone shows you their true colours like that you should leave and not look back.

Things are good atm but I'm so stressed and keep feeling like it's forced. I don't know how to move forward from here.

Listen to your gut instinct. He showed you who he was before. This new him is an act to reel you back in. You're feeling stressed for a reason, he's not doing you or your daughter any good.

So you've provided a home for your child and raised her alone- that is a brilliant achievement! So she will be back at school in September- what can you do for you then?

I would sack the bloke . He's bad news and could disrupt your plans for YOUR future. Remember that you are the driver of your life nots passenger.

I can’t see this as a healthy relationship, I’m sorry

@Prettybluepigeons thank you for the advice. I have plans for when my little girl starts school :).

Your whole life sounds like a car crash - which is terribly sad at 21. Get rid of him and concentrate on building a stable life with your child. The last thing you need for the next few years is a man (and especially not the cocklodging variety, which it seems you had here.)

Hi Op, relationships shouldn't really be this messy or stressful.

You're anxious because he's already proved himself capable of being pretty horrible and callous, and you're kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If you want to keep trying with him, just date. Don't move in together, just have a a good time together and take it slowly. Let him rebuild your trust by him maintaining consistently kind and trustworthy behaviour, and showing by actions and words that he values your relationship. Let time tell and then in a year or two think about moving in together, if it seems right.

I dont think this guy is for you at all. Arent early stages of romance supposed to be lovely? Yet all of that has happened in 5 months. You’d be better off ending it and enjoying your freedom with your daughter. A man can’t make you happy, only you can.

its not a particularly good relationship. Youre unhappy because you know exactly what hes been like and how badly hes capable of treating you so you cant relax. This is called instinct, and we have it for a reason. Some people call it womens intuition etc, but this is something we have evolved to have, because our brain makes sense of all sorts of patterns of behaviours and signs that you might not be consciously thinking about.
Ignore your intuition at your peril

Look, this is doomed. You don’t trust him and for good reason.
Going forward you make yourself single again and you learn from all the mistakes and don’t rush into anything again. This is literally a few month old relationship, it shouldn’t be this dramatic and difficult

You are not happy because you know this is only him until it suits him to revert back to type.

A good man would not treat you like he did. Ever. They would end things and be done with it, not string you along and be cruel.

You know he is not a good man. You are just waiting for him to show his true self again - which he will do, as soon as his feet are back under the table and he thinks he's 'got' you again.