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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH leaving back door open in hot weather

35 replies

PotteryLottery · 01/08/2020 00:13

DH is a heavy drinker and I know I should LTB.

As the weather is so hot he's got the patio doors open, but now I'm going to bed I'm worried he'll fall asleep watching TV on the sofa leaving us prey to an intruder.

I want to keep DD and i safe in our beds. I asked him to close the doors and he said he would do it later.

What should I do?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 01/08/2020 00:16

Shut the door and go to bed

MamaGothel · 01/08/2020 00:23

Mine is the same except he doesn't drink at all. Either insist everything is locked up before you go to bed (which I do) or wait up until he dozes off

Original poster

PotteryLottery · 01/08/2020 16:38

I did shut it and he opened it again. After he has had 2 bottles of wine he is difficult to challenge.

OP posts:

Smallsteps88 · 01/08/2020 16:45

Shut it, lock it, take the key to bed with you. If you think that would result in a row or violence don’t try it- just get your ducks in a row sharpish and leave him.

alicequartz · 01/08/2020 16:47

I couldn't sleep knowing the door could be still unlocked/ open. Doesn't he realise he could be putting you and your dc in danger?

Bunnymumy · 01/08/2020 16:50

Is having two bottles of wine a normal occurrence for him?

I'd have serious chat when he is sober that he cant be drinking like that if it makes him behave like a wanker...and put his family at risk.

If he doesnt see the problem and appologise profusely, I'd pack his bags as kick him out on his arse.

Fanthorpe · 01/08/2020 17:00

This happened to us years ago, DH came home drunk, fell asleep with the living room windows open, someone reached in and took his bag with his wallet, phone, laptop. I’d warned him so many times. He took me seriously after that.

It’s not acceptable, he’s disregarding your safety. How you change him I can’t say, I don’t know your DH.

Aknifewith16blades · 01/08/2020 18:12

His choices, his actions are putting you and your DC at risk.

You end the relationship and do everything you can to keep safe.

VeganVeal · 01/08/2020 21:07

Always a worry, even if lock up I worry I'll get my back doors bashed in when I'm asleep

WildfirePonie · 01/08/2020 21:21

Make sure you and DD are sharing the same bedroom and put a wedge or something under your door for now if it's not going to be easy to lock up and take the key. Buy a lock and fit it to the bedroom doors when you can.

What time does he usually pass out? Can you wait up otherwise?

IncrediblySadToo · 01/08/2020 21:25

@VeganVeal

Always a worry, even if lock up I worry I'll get my back doors bashed in when I'm asleep

Where do you live?

I couldn't live like that. It can't be good for you to be permanently that worried. Can you do anything about moving?

OMGISeeTheWayYouShine · 02/08/2020 08:24

My exh used to be like this. He'd also take the piss out of me for locking up carefully, telling me I was paranoid etc.

He'd often pass out drunk and then come staggering to bed whenever he woke on the sofa, usually between 2am and 4am, waking me and the dc. Twat.

Fanthorpe · 02/08/2020 11:46

Although I am in complete agreement about protecting yourselves please please be careful about locking/blocking internal doors, think about how your children could get out in a fire.

Thinkingg · 02/08/2020 11:50

Make plans to leave him. You can't have a family life with someone who regularly gets too legless to manage basic tasks.

Gaffertape101 · 02/08/2020 19:33

I have the same issue - when DH is drunk i have to wait up till he comes in so I can be sure he locks the door/doesn't leave the key in the front door (he's done that before)/doesn't put a cigarette still lit in the bin/locks the patio doors (which i have already locked but he opens if he is hot and drunk). I also have to take the car keys to bed with me so he cannot drink drunk if he fancies food (hes done that before too).

He has fallen asleep drunk with the patio doors open, left the key in the front door, dropped his wallet outside the house and lost numerous coats in the pub.

Gaffertape101 · 02/08/2020 19:35

Oh and when he is sober and comes to bed after me I will ask him if he has locked up - he will either say maybe or he's not sure ... this is his idea of a joke so i have to get out of bed to double check as he is unreliable.

Original poster

PotteryLottery · 02/08/2020 23:28

It's awful @Gaffertape101 isn't it.

He's also left the oven on and fallen in the river too.

OP posts:

backseatcookers · 02/08/2020 23:57

First off you need to leave him because this is a very unhealthy living situation.

In the meantime tell him that he is currently literally prioritising his body temperature above his family's safety and security when he could BUY A FUCKING FAN.

If he's incredulous remind him he left the oven on and has fallen in a river drunk before so your patience for his selfishness regarding alcohol is wearing pretty thin.

If this doesn't make him change things then even more reason to leave him. Which you should.

Ugh he sounds awful. Start making plans to leave.

Emmelina · 05/08/2020 00:18

I remember when I was in my teens, my elder brother would keep leaving his car unlocked or his windows down. Warnings after warnings from our dad fell on deaf ears. It’ll never happen! We live in a dead village! Stop harassing me!

My dad had a neighbour clear out my brother’s car early one morning before heading to his early shift at work.
He called the police to report the theft and everything. Police gave him a reference number but as there was no signs of break in didn’t come out. His goods were returned to him a few days later, but the lesson was learned.

Could this be something you could do, without fear of repercussion?
It doesn’t sound like a healthy living situation, though.

2155User · 05/08/2020 00:21

The back door is the least of your worries.

But you know that.

Prioritise you and your children.

BlatheringOn · 05/08/2020 00:36

Unfortunately you have to wait up until you can lock it, it isn't worth risking. Do you have work in the morning?

DocusDiplo · 05/08/2020 00:43

I sleep with doors unlocked. Never occured to me someone will come in.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 05/08/2020 00:51

Bloody hell, I am the door leaver opener here, because fresh air, and cat. My DP hates it because insects. I expected a completely different thread. Listen to wise pp.

BritInAus · 05/08/2020 01:20

Oh dear OP. This isn't about a door. As someone who recently ended a long term relationship (with a child involved) with an alcoholic, I can tell you, whilst there are some awful parts of separating, nothing is as wonderful as no longer living with an addict who will never change. x

Original poster

PotteryLottery · 05/08/2020 09:05

Thank you for giving me advice I can’t ignore.

I've given him an ultimatum and I mean it. He went to bed early and he's not speaking, which I expected.

I know it sounds silly but I have poor practical skills when it comes to fixing things and that it something that worries me about living on my own. But being and feeling safe is far more important.

OP posts:

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