DH leaving back door open in hot weather

[PotteryLottery]

DH is a heavy drinker and I know I should LTB.

As the weather is so hot he's got the patio doors open, but now I'm going to bed I'm worried he'll fall asleep watching TV on the sofa leaving us prey to an intruder.

I want to keep DD and i safe in our beds. I asked him to close the doors and he said he would do it later.

What should I do?

You don't have poor practical skills. There are how to videos for everything. Good luck

My exh used to forget to lock the doors regularly too and I'd only find out the next morning. Unless I locked all the doors before I went to bed they would usually get left unlocked. I used to get so angry about it as our kids were upstairs. It's a miracle we didn't get anyone in really as our old front door had to be physically locked.

He is now my exh and I have a new front door with locks on shutting and I ALWAYS lock up before I go to bed. It's so much easier knowing I am the only one responsible.

@DocusDiplo lucky you!

I live in a pretty nice out of town area, nice normal estate ( 3 bed semis) but surrounded by very expensive houses for a mile and more.

No one in this area would dare leave anything unlocked as it is targeted regularly by criminals looking for cars/ burglary. They are aware of the wealth in these areas. They burn locks off house doors to get into houses for car keys etc. Leaving things open is an open invitation.

@PotteryLottery

Thank you for giving me advice I can’t ignore.

I've given him an ultimatum and I mean it. He went to bed early and he's not speaking, which I expected.

I know it sounds silly but I have poor practical skills when it comes to fixing things and that it something that worries me about living on my own. But being and feeling safe is far more important.

You can't stay in an unhealthy relationship, especially when you have children, because you are intimidated by DIY.

There are YouTube tutorials for everything under the sun or you could start saving a pot of money set aside to get someone in to do jobs you can't do as and when needed.

Yes, you are right.

Is there anyway I can get him to leave or do we have to leave?

A few questions that will help people give advice on your next steps:

If owned, is it your joint house?

If rented, are you both names tenants?

You're married - that's usually good financially after a split - do you both work?

Is your little girl in school yet or is she younger?

I would be looking at the entitledto website first up to see what support you can get financially.

Thank you. House owned as tenants in common, with me owning over half as I put deposit down. He's always resented that.

Married 12 years. DD is 11.

I used to earn more than him pre-DD but now work part time on a much lower salary. I do have savings and I'm sure he'll want half.

If I go see a solicitor, apart from a list of things I have paid for (e.g. maintenance of property and holidays - he pays regular bills) is there anything else I should prepare to take with me?

@BritInAus

Oh dear OP. This isn't about a door. As someone who recently ended a long term relationship (with a child involved) with an alcoholic, I can tell you, whilst there are some awful parts of separating, nothing is as wonderful as no longer living with an addict who will never change. x

OP this 👆

See a solicitor. Find a family solicitor that will give you 30 mins free (many of them do this). Or contact you nearest Women's Aid office - they often have weekly appointments available with a local solicitor who is experienced in exactly your situation.
Both of these options will provide you with some general information based on your situation, what you might expect financial and legally in terms of settlement and the house and everything. What you could do with regard to your DD.

Completely agree with PP that the door being left open is not the problem here.
I spent years getting no sleep because I had to wait until my H passed out drunk so I could go and lock up. And yep, the problems ran much deeper than that. But not getting any sleep didn't really help me sort my head out!

Well if there were an intruder, they’d come across your husband first. I would not worry and go to sleep. It’s really your anxiety keeping you from sleeping.

The issue is drink I feel. Seek professional advice about your decision to leave him if that is still what you think.