Am I overreacting and overthinking?

[AnnoyedAtEverything]

Around this time last year DH was having an affair and they were meeting up in the Jury’s Inn hotel for sex. I’ve found out that he’s planned a birthday surprise for me to my favourite place in the uk (we decided to work through things) but the accommodation he’s booked is...the Jury’s Inn. (Not the same one he was in.) Surely he’d know this would upset me? I’ve found out about this by accident so he’s really proud of himself for planning this massive surprise getaway for me and doesn’t know that I know. Should I just suck it up? Am I being really pathetic about the whole thing, I mean it’s just a hotel chain.

I'd not be happy. I'd be imagining him fantasising about his previous encounters in near identical rooms.
It's really very thoughtless of him.
I'd not go.

That’s my worry. I’ll be thinking all the time that he’s comparing us both.

Totally wrong of him. Very hurtful

What a stupid thing for him to do. Are his other actions like this?

Totally tactless of him, most likely unintentional though.
Men can be real tools sometimes.

He hasn’t thought this through at all. He’s probably found the best priced hotel in the area and booked it without thinking. I asked him outright tonight if there’s anything to do with this surprise that’s going to remind me of last year and he said no, I’m going to love it. I love the town we’re going to but he has got it so, so wrong with the choice of hotel.

Does he belong to their loyalty scheme? Just a thought as I tend to book the same chain of hotels automatically (although not for the same reason as your OH) because it is so much easier and I get the points. But I wouldn't be happy in your shoes

No loyalty scheme or anything. When he was having the affair they went there twice on a day rate so unless there’s more I don’t know about, I doubt there’s a loyalty scheme he’s got.

I think it just won’t have occurred to him it’s tactless.

I know how you feel though.. I’ll never stay in a Radisson.

It’s all these things that make it so difficult. I’m five years in and divorced from him, I’m in a lovely new relationship, but can still get that horrible feeling from a little thing.

Why don't you just tell him you will not stay at that hotel, and he knows perfectly well why not. He can make other reservations or you will be staying home.

This is still so recent for me and I’m not over it which is why I’m so hurt.

@Aquamarine1029 I think I’ll have to. I won’t be able to enjoy myself.

Jury's Inn do day rates?

That aside, I do think in the circumstances it is quite sad that you seem to be worrying about upsetting him when he's done something to hurt you.

I don’t think I’ll ever be over mine, despite the years passing. It’s bloody annoying.

I wouldn’t be happy with this however I don’t think men always think like women do.

My DP went on holiday with his ex and broke up with her while they were there meaning they flew home early. He will not stop banging on about how he wants to take me to this hotel and just doesn’t understand why I think it’s weird. In his head he just loves the hotel and wants to take me there

He was cheating on my birthday last year so he’s promised this year‘s birthday will be amazing and he’s really making an effort which is why I feel a bit bad about telling him. We’ve really made an effort with our relationship and things are good but this is just disappointing.

Also Jury’s Inn is almost akin to a Travelodge, can you not drop hints about wanting to stay somewhere really luxurious?

I think he's taking a trip down memory lane. Utterly disrespectful.

I think I’ll have to. I won’t be able to enjoy myself.

Of course you won't, and if he doesn't understand this and then disregards your feelings, you have a lot of thinking to do.

I’ll have to tell him. I’m pleased I’m not overreacting!

So he was shagging OW In a Jury's Inn on your last birthday?

It was around my birthday. It went on for about a month and my birthday was kind of in the middle of it.

Just say something along the lines of "once it's not jurys, I'll enjoy anywhere you pick" as a passing comment.

Hell yeah tell him it's out of the question to stay there.

Don't you think that if you've decided to stay with him, then it's kind of self-defeating to create taboo things?

If he's comparing you, then he compares you whatever hotel he''s in, whatever bed, whatever sexual position. Have you been to any hotels together since discovering the affair?

It is early days, but you won't get over it by having these big no-nos.