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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Karma...or Revenge ....

51 replies

Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 11:00

I have split from my husband after nearly 20 years together, I had to live next to him for nearly 15mths until we were in a better financial position for him to move out. In that time he started a friendship with is now a relationship with another woman.

I was devastated as I thought we would always you know, work it out etc but hey she stepped.in to comfort him I guess..
Now they are moving in together and shes posting it all over social media alongside little cryptic posts having digs at me etc and its heartbreaking for me and she knows it. I have held head up high and not responded to anything which is so hard..
Anyway to cut a long story short he has told me that they are moving into a house together in a very small area, and have lied about the references as they got someone else to write a reference for them and they have said they only have two dogs. Tenancy only allows two small pets at the landlords discretion. They are going to move in with wait for it... 7 dogs.. plus a puppy so 8 in total..
I could let the estate agents know but I think I will let Karma work its magic

What are your thoughts..

OP posts:
RachelLevin · 28/07/2020 12:26

8 dogs in a small house!!! That's too much. I think you should just let it go. This is the best. Move on and avoid communications with them. The more you communicate with them the more the woman would try to make you jealous. Just avoid her and the man also and set your goal. If your a working lady then pursue your career, if you have kids then make your world with your kids, if you have a hobby then pursue it, make it your passion and just do things that make you happy. Let those people continue their lives and don't hold onto them. You should not care about the one who doesn't care about you. Just let it go

cuntryclub · 28/07/2020 12:50

What they are doing is irrelevant. You can't control that. You can however delete them on SM. Watching every move they make isn't healthy for you.

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 12:52

Thanks guys. I am not on social media as it to difficult for me but a friend of.mine had said look this is going on and I think you should know, just being a good friend. As shes trying to get your attention I think by posting silly little things.
My ex and I are very close still so she probably hates it but she needs to be in my shoes as I have lost husband to her etc and it's made me very unwell as I have not taken the break up well. Off sick with anxiety, lost over 2 stone in weight.
It's made me a little cross that they are just so brass about moving in secretly hoping they wnt get caught.
But as you guys are all saying they will get caught out in the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 13:04

@PMTRex

That poor landlord, their property and furniture (if furnished) is going to get wrecked with 8 dogs living there ☹️

Who has 8 dogs in a small house???

Smile I know, she has 5 he has 2 and an 8 weeks old pup. They just said well the landlord didnt ask.. lol.
OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/07/2020 13:17

Tell the estate agent.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/07/2020 13:27

Your 'friend' sounds not very nice to me but a good shit-stirrer. Whatever you might think, you are not 'close' with your ex. If you were, he wouldn't allow his new partner to be this way with you.

There is no such thing as karma so do what you do and pay for it in peace of mind.

Radio silence for the lot of them and make a truly good and happy life for yourself from this point forward. Thanks

SoulofanAggron · 28/07/2020 13:36

I think if you tell the estate agent it'll be obvious it was you. IDK whether you feel that'd effect your decision or not?

nolovelost · 28/07/2020 13:38

Tell the estate agent before they move in.

cuntryclub · 28/07/2020 13:48

Your 'friend' sounds not very nice to me but a good shit-stirrer.

This. Tell your friend you don't want to know. I would even trust the information given by this type if person anyway

FizzyGreenWater · 28/07/2020 13:53

That's sp awful that yes I would let the estate agents know, before they move in!

That many dogs will absolutely wreck their property and it's pretty hard to go through the eviction process and really expensive for landlords too.

Please tip them off :(

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 14:08

He has told her many times to stop being silly and posting little jabs etc. Bt she is obviously wanting me.to do something but I am rising above it and have done since the beginning of it all. Took myself off social media etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 14:08

I think so too. It would look so obvious it was me. Going to leave them to it..

OP posts:
Cookies2523 · 28/07/2020 14:17

I would ignore this - he has possibly told you they will have 8 dogs, to see if you will react by telling landlord. He could be testing you.

PinkMonkeyBird · 28/07/2020 14:18

Tell your friend to STOP informing to you about your ex. I guess your friend thinks she has your best interests at heart, but you can't move forward with your life like this. I remember my best friend trying to tell me things about my ex (a relative of hers works with him) and I just said to her "Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I'm moving forward with my life and really just don't want to hear anything about him." She complied and said sorry, she didn't mean to keep bringing him up. BUT she did say a while ago that she had to tell me that he was going through an utterly miserable time, so a healthy dose of schadenfreude is welcome at times!

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 14:23

Thanks I think at time friends try to help as they could see as it being an attack on me but it doesn't always help xx Thank you.

OP posts:
Mysocalledlifexx · 28/07/2020 14:23

Move on & get on with your own life, dont worry what they are doing they will get found out without the help of you. The best thing for you is to stop thinking of them go be happy, dont turn into a crazy ex that isnt good for you.

KeepingPlain · 28/07/2020 14:36

If you're still friendly with your ex husband, concentrate on that. You are both going to be in each others lives for a long time yet. She could be a passing fancy. She could be replaced easily. You can't, you're the mother. Just ignore her if she's going to be childish. Ignore it, don't respond, tell your friend to stop telling you about it and just continue to be friendly to your ex for the sake of the kids.

Msonamission · 28/07/2020 14:49

Not fair on the dogs. The landlord's stated preference for pets is not just about protecting his own property; property managers have a duty to protect their tenants' safety, etc., as well. Ring the property manager, although wait until they're actually living there.

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 14:53

Thanks. They definitely dnt care and just think they are going to just get away with it and try and keep them quiet. She definitely has 5 and has been removed from previous place because hers bark all the time.. But hey hoe. Thanks for all the advice.. I'm going to get on with MY life and leave them to it xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 15:28
Smile
OP posts:
AdobeWanKenobi · 28/07/2020 15:33

Everything else aside, if I were the landlord I'd absolutely want to know. 8 dogs have the potential to cause thousands in damage.

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 28/07/2020 16:11

Absolutely and I guess the Estate agents would liable also as they have obviously not done the checks correctly and just taken on word that they have just two small pets..

OP posts:
Tlollj · 28/07/2020 16:17

Why are you ‘close’ to your ex. I have never understood this staying friends bullshit.
He fucked off he can stay fucked off. Yeah I’d tell the landlord or estate agent fuck em.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/07/2020 16:21

I am not on social media as it to difficult for me but a friend of.mine had said look this is going on and I think you should know, just being a good friend

Your friend sounds like a stirrer

Cheeseandwin5 · 28/07/2020 16:46

OK just to be clear your EX didnt cheat on you, but rather met someone when you had split up albeit you were still together.
So what you are really angry about is that he didn't make more effort to be with you rather than any infidelity on his or the OW part.
That being the case, i would just leave them to it. Its none of your business and to be honest making an effort to disrupt their lives in a pretty shameful action. If there is karma than you will need to be the one worried if you take that action.
Also get rid of your 'friend' she is trying to stir and hurting you in the process.