Feeling sorry for DH's mistress

[Corner1234]

DH has gone and got himself a mistress - not in the sexual sense yet, I think, but in a kind of faux-romantic kind of way. He doesn't know that I know. I found out through a bit of digging, as my spidey-sense was alerted through seeing the way he is with her. Because I've been with him so long, and for a few years we did a bit of swinging, I can tell when he fancies someone. Anyway, a techie friend of mine gave me access to some communications between DH and OW and she sounds like she's fallen for him. I don't know her personally, but she sounds like a decent, middle-class woman, perhaps a bit naive, but certainly a caring type. Reading his messages to her, he sounds like a completely different person! He also sounds very caring, a family man, who does nice things, and seems to think he's found the passionate love of his life! Because of reading of this strange version of my husband, initially I thought that maybe he'd fallen for her too. But our sex life hasn't changed, and he's been hinting about getting back into swinging. Other than the messages, I can't see any evidence that he's in love with someone else, unless he's developed the ability to adopt two different personas.
I'm feeling kind of sorry for her, although I don't know her, because she doesn't appear to know what I consider to be the real person he is.
Oh, and for you caring guys who worry about me being in an abusive relationship - don't worry! I'm not a victim. I'm a fairly easy-going person... and I am making my own plans
Anyway, my question is - please say I'm not weird to feel a bit sorry for her and should I just forget about her?

I wonder if he is hinting at swinging so he can shag her in front of you?

Don’t feel sorry for her, she’s irrelevant. If it wasn’t her it would be some one else. Are you sure this isn’t the calm before the storm? When I’m about to go bat shit I become very detached and calm. This used to terrify my ex

eugh, I'd just close the marriage chapter in your life.

What is the point. You sound strong. You need to be strong to discover this and know that you're not the one who's going to get hurt. But that begs the question, why would you continue to bother?

You might as well have your freedom.

If this thread is true...I think it is more weird you call him Darling/Dear Husband. Your standards appear incredibly low as to what makes a "D" H

And I always think the same when I see posters on here saying their DP has said ow meant nothing, they'll never speak to the OW again, it was just sex etc. Not expecting DWs to have sympathy for the ow but I always wonder why they don't think he's a shit for using a human being and then treating them callously.

This is just an example of someone minimising. They will have done the same in reverse to OW about the wife. They're not necessarily treating the person callously - they're trying to get out of trouble.
OP - I'm glad you're moving on. Don't waste your energy on OW - save it for yourself and your family.

I really do pity people that get involved with others in a relationship. They must be really simple and desperate. Why would you want to be with someone so comfortable with lying.

Because of reading of this strange version of my husband, initially I thought that maybe he'd fallen for her too. But our sex life hasn't changed, and he's been hinting about getting back into swinging.

Of course he's hinting about getting back into swinging. He wants to shag other people, and that's an easy way of doing it.

He may well introduce you to her and try and get you to get off with each other.

I agree with @MaeDanvers , you are probably trying to make yourself feel pity for her in an attempt to feel in a more powerful position. If you think about it, the emotions you feel towards her are probably actually the emotions you feel towards yourself- you thought he was a nice guy, he deceived you and turned out to be a twat.

Anyway, what's your plan now?

If you were really concerned about the OW, you could always message her and tell her what he's really like. But maybe do that as a parting shot on your way out the door. xxx

OP I think you're getting a hard time on here.
I'm sorry for what you've discovered.
You're obviously a nice person, I'd save your concern for yourself though. Glad to hear you're making plans to leave. I guess if you give this woman the heads up your DH will know you're onto him?
Good luck and hope you can leave sooner rather than later.

WTF!!!!

he’s been hinting at getting back into swinging = he’s hoping to have sex with her with your consent.

Primarily I feel sorry for you and the ow dh. Nobody deserves this kind of betrayal. If you are so unhappy in a relationship you need to look elsewhere, or you simply like the thrill, the best thing you can do is finish your current relationship before moving on.

I wouldn't feel sorry for her as she's married. If she was single and thought he was too, and he was spinning her a line about a relationship etc, THEN I'd feel sorry for her

Purely from a logical point of view, you're better off doing absolutely nothing. OW is an adult and can take care of herself.

Do you swing via sites? Wait til his/your profile if up and sent her links to it (presuming it would be identifiable).

"I tend to take things at face value and trust people."
Getting your friend to hack his accounts and surreptitiously reading his private messages doesn't scream trust.

OP I think you're getting a hard time on here.

I agree.

Some pp are making you out to be at fault and picking at irrelevant comments you made.