Can I trust someone who cheated in his past?

[Howeverfar]

I've been with DP almost 3 years and we have begun to seriously plan for our future together (saving for a house, planning to get engaged).

The issue is that he has cheated on 2 of his exes. The first when he was 18 and had moved away for college. He was on the cusp of becoming exclusive with a girl (who I'll call B) and became close with a girl in his dorm (I'll call C). He got into a relationship with B but cheated with C for 6 months. He ended things with C and remained with B (no cheating) for another 5 years (ironically B started a relationship with someone else whilst they were together which was what broke them up).

The second instance was when he was 24. He moved to a new city for postgrad and met 2 girls his first few weeks (D and E). He was getting to know them both in a dating capacity before becoming exclusive with one of them (I'll call D). You can see where this is going. During the early stages of their 1.5 year relationship he slept with E twice.

I met him before he began dating D (or E) but we were friends for 2 years (and he was single for 6 months) before we fell for each other. We fell pretty hard and he told me about all his past cheating saying he wanted to be fully honest and not do anything like that again. He has not cheated on me and not come close but recently I've begun wondering if I'm hopelessly naive to believe he won't in the future? For his part he regrets his actions and acknowledges that he's capable of such awful behaviour but claims that the trigger both times was he was dating both before a relationship happened and he was scared to lose the other (this doesn't excuse his behaviour but he's making an effort to understand how it occurred before so he can avoid it again). I believe his desire to change is genuine and that he himself believes he won't cheat on me, but life is long and temptations will happen.

I should mention what is good about the relationship also. We have a deep connection forged through our two year frienship and grown in our relationship. I find him very attractive and we have the same humour and the same long term goals.

Should we build a future together?

Given his age I think there is the possibility of him 'growing up' and being faithful. However, I then think of the serial cheater Boris Johnson (and a few other men) and this puts doubts.

It's very common for young people to cheat as they are more immature, some people can grow up and act more responsible and of course some that never will and there's no guarantee that anybody wouldn't cheat on you, go by how you secure you feel with him.

My mother cheated on my dad umpteen times. It was her way of looking for excitement and an escape route from her dissatisfaction with her life choices. She also cheated on her second husband with her third. A friend of mine also has form for only going after unavailable married attached men. Both create their own misery and have little empathy for those affected by their behaviour. It seems to be default behaviour so the likelihood of it reoccurring is, I would say, high. I suppose it depends on the reasons why people do it and how reactive they are when under stress or opportunity as opposed to being reflective about their choices.

I was always looking for attention
Don't need it with DP
He treats me like a princess and no man could ever come close to what he gives me

THATS WHY ILL NEVER CHEAT AGAIN

with B & C it was clearly cheating but they were all very young.
with D and E, it sounds like the decision to clearly date one or the other wasn't a hard line decision, and looking back on it, since he did end up in a relationship, the muddled early stage now seems like cheating?

At any rate, he has been with you long past the early stage where his previous cheating happened, and has known you longer than that. his cheating doesn't come along instead of breaking up, it comes along before really committing. Once he is in, he is in. it seems to me.

@Anonanonon we haven't been together that long, almost a year, but have been through some crisis situations involving family members. He treats me so well, that I don't need to get attention from anyone else. I usually cheated because I was insecure, but I'm not now at all, I feel fully secure, I have no desire to cheat at all.

People grow up and aren't the same person they were years ago. I met my dh in my 40s and he's in his 50s. Both of us have questionable pasts, but I know I'm a very different person to the one I was years ago. I also think the same applies to him. I'd never cheat on him now, however I'm ashamed to admit I have cheated in the past, even when I was married previously .

I cheated on a boyfriend when I was 18 and when I was a bit older. I have never cheated on DH and I know why I cheated on those people; I’m not excusing what I did but the relationships weren’t right and the main thing I have learnt is that you should leave a relationship before getting to that point (seems obvious I know but the first time I was young and the second time was complex). In all honesty I would be frustrated if DH had judged me on behaviour in previous relationships; I can in theory understand why but equally I’m not the same person now and I know he has acted in ways which he wouldn’t now.

I cheated on my long term bf when I was 22. It was my first serious relationship and I wanted out but didn’t know how to end it. I learnt from this experience that there are much better ways to end a relationship rather then cheating!
I then cheated on my next boyfriend but was completely unaware that I had done so until I had a very confusing conversation on the the phone with the guy I had cheated on him with. Basically I had gone on a night out, got so drunk I kissed a guy and gave him my phone number. Apparently according to my friends he was very good looking!
Anyway, that’s my cheating story. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and have never even considered cheating on him.
I would say if someone cheats on people when they’re younger it tends to be because they’re still learning about life. I actually think it can be a good thing to make a few fuck ups that can be learnt from.
If someone’s made it to their late 20s/30s and still behaving like an idiot, then yes it could be part of their personality to cheat and best avoided.

Thank you all for your perspectives. I think I was seeking permission to trust him really. Every article I read was like "once a cheater always a cheater". I wanted to believe that wasn't true. Off the back of this I've spoken to him about ensuring boundaries are in place in any opposite sex friendships he develops and he is happy with it.