Kids saw porn...again!!!

[fruitduet]

ANyone remember this Jan 2006 thread ? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/138879

well it happened again last night!
we were all sat in the living room dc's and me and dp and dp was trying to put a film on, our tv is computer too, so he was opening film in windows media player but accidentally hit something in the history of windows media player and then the tv was filled with sex moans and a couple having HARDOCORE sex and another women licking the arse of the bloke!!!!!!!

last time my kids saw porn was the last straw and i told dp that if anything like that ever happened again i would leave for good! he promised faithfully that he would 1, never download porn to his computer again and 2, to never watch any porn on our TV.

i have told him to leave last night and he said he would but today he is just carrying on as normal and pretending nothing happened- what do i do?

Haven't read the whole thread just wanted to say, like you, I would be devestated. It's not a nice thing for kids to come into contact with stuff like that imo, esp so explicit as yuo described and he should have respected you, the DC and your wishes. Really really stupid thing to do with umpleasant consequences for you and your DC.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

for a start, it is a TV its a media centre (google it)
its not much different than having a dvd player etc apart from all the media that you record and play is on on hard disk and yes its impossible to check through the 500gb to check for porn files especially when there hidden in temporary folders here there and everywhere!
im not talking about a small shared computer im talking about the family Television unit, which just happens to be connected to the internet for loading the guide and various other media thingys.
he used this connection to download and stream porn directly to tv as he couldn't be arsed to get his personal laptop! and obviously didn't remember/ care about the promise he made to me 2 years back!

morningpaper - it would be impossible for even an adult to access porn from one of my kids accounts on the communal computer as its locked down with various software which filters that stuff. you cannot let your kids go on the internet without a good content filter and firewall etc they may not even try to look at porn but would easily find it if they just types "ringtones" as well a few dodgy viruses/trojans/spyware/keyloggers etc
to clarify the internet connection is impossible to be used from the tv by the kids alone btw

gertfatcod thanks for that info it is very interesting, what would actually happen if the kids told someone about what they saw? like a teacher or something? i assume ss would be round in a shot! but what would happen? shall i tell someone just incase the kids have been affected?
thing is i can't throw out all the computers in my house as dp would not have that! i am also a student so need the computer for work

i also think kids catching glimses of thier parents love making would be quite different to the porn the kids saw as it was dirty sex which i doubt anyone would do whilst a kids was sleeping in the same room.

your right though he doesn't know the implications but i did scare him last time by saying if the kids told the school ss would be involved with us, but all he obviously heard was nagnagnag!
anyway thanks guys be back later xxxx

Regardless of the rights and wrong of it, I'd have thought most people would generally agree that they'd rather not have their kids seeing porn at that age if they could avoid it. (Ditto horror films, violent action films etc.) If anyone disagrees with that, I'm honestly staggered. Even your DP would no doubt agree he'd rather they didn't see any even if he just loves his porn.

On that basis, the bigger problem to me is that even though he knows watching and storing porn in this context is wrong (i.e. he promised not to, risk kids might see it) he still goes ahead and does it. That suggests that either (a) he's a complete fuckwit who's unable to grasp that something is wrong (b) he knows what he's doing is wrong but doesn't care or (c) he knows what he's doing is wrong but is unable to stop himself. I'd guess it's either (b) or (c). If you think it's (b) then he's clearly a selfish prick who's willing to put his own pleasure over what his family want. If, on the other hand, it's (c) he may have some level of addiction that he needs assistance with. What do you think?

'thing is i can't throw out all the computers in my house as dp would not have that!'

Guess that answers the question as to whether the OP wants rid...

His demands would be SO not on my priority list...

What has he done so far in finding somewhere else to live? You asked him to leave n Sunday and he didn't then Monday he said he would look for somewhere to rent...Is he still carrying as normal?

If he was scared about SS last time have you quoted section 12 of the CJA 2003 to him this time?

You have to carry it this time or he will never ever believe anything you say and keep doing it....

yes i know unfortunately he has done nothing in finding somewhere else to live. in fact last night he actually said "ok ok nothings definite yet is it" (meaning that he obviously misunderstood me when i said its over you have to move out!)
He has had the day off today but didn't once look into getting somewhere else, i am sure he is hoping it will blow over.
i have told him this evening that if the kids told anyone what they saw they would be interviewed with ss and he may be charged with child abuse- i know thats what ott but wanted to shock. I said whilst he has forgotten what happened i am lieing awake at night stressing about how the kids dealt with it and what would happen if they mention it to someone! trying a guilt trip too! god what a woman i am lol

we have been arguing alot more too, probably my fault but i am angry at him! its been a very difficult relationship the past few years and i have really started to make more of an effort in everything, cooking and sex etc.
we had a few probs feb 06 when i stumbled across some unsavoury stuff on the computer- not within kids reach; but with further investigation it turned out he was searching for escorts and even worse teen escorts!!! he was also activly using a "facebook type of website" his profile was just asking for women! things almost ended then and there if i wasn't pg with his kid having complications and in and out of hospital it probably would of ended. i don't thin i ever got over that which is why this time it just feels like the last straw.

Good god it sounds like he has had more than his fair share of second chances from you FD. Tell him to move out. Give him a deadline and tell him you will ring ss yourself if he isn't out by x date.

Have you spoken to the kids about what they saw?

Just tell him to fuck off.

Your DP is showing you and your children no respect. He obviosuly doesn't care about your feelings or about the risk of exposing your children to this sort of material. The fact that this same think s being repeated more than once suggests he just doesn't care what you think. The fact that he is carrying on as mornal today also suggests that he doesn't think it is serious.

If he feels the need to download porn he should do it on a password protected personal lap top which only he has access to, and now here else.

IMO it is definitely not acceptable to have porn on a family TV/computer. And it is simply not necessary anbd it is completely avoidable. He is chosing to go against your wishes.

oh c'mon - teen escorts? I'm sorry if I offend you but that is really quite sick, he sounds like a bit of a perv. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I was just going to reply by saying - er, this is quite simple: Just disconnect the tv and computer link, and get him his own computer. The 'family' computer should have every filter on it possible anyway.

However having just read the bit about the escorts and searching for women, I can only say get out of this insane relationship. Sounds AWFUL.

My first husband was doing similar things and I know its hard to walk away. But a few years later you'll look back and just think 'pervert'.

If it was just the porn on the computer, Id say let it go. But this is far more serious.

Certainly dont have sex with him.

Good luck

All of you who posted with views on pornography on this thread, I would very much like to talk to you - I'm a writer and I'm trying to research the range of attitudes and concerns that women have towards the mainstreaming of pornography, especially its effect on family life. I have posted a request in the media section, but I'd guess that not many people look there. Do email me on [email protected] if you would be interested in talking. I would absolutely respect your privacy and would simply be interested in hearing in a bit more detail about your views and experiences, and whether you feel your opinions are reflected in the media around you.