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Original poster

Would this upset you?

47 replies

IvyLovesWales · 20/07/2020 23:09

Today is my birthday, I've been with my boyfriend for two years. He stays at my house all weekend and goes to work from mine on a Monday morning my house is closer to his work than his place.

He decided to go home to his place straight from work and sit on his own and not spend my birthday evening with me. We're both in our early 50's and there is a distinct lack of effort from him recently.

He got me the birthday present I wanted, but handed it over in the box unwrapped on Friday while I was working. Why not wait until today?

He's distant, no affection and sex is all on his terms. If I try to discuss it on Friday he will gaslight me. So am I being a princess or am I right to be pissed off at his lack of effort.

OP posts:
user1294625849274 · 20/07/2020 23:12

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Dollyrocket · 20/07/2020 23:15

Why are you with him? It all sounds very one-sided.

Don’t waste your life on someone who can’t be bothered with you, it will only get worse, get out now before you’ve lost more years to this misery..

londonscalling · 20/07/2020 23:16

Sounds like he's uncaring and has no respect for you. I would be very unhappy about this!

Hailtomyteeth · 20/07/2020 23:21

To leave you alone on your birthday is cruel. Take it as his 'goodbye' and move on.

Nutlesssquirrel · 20/07/2020 23:29

Follow your instincts. You know you're deserving of more. Don't look back.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2020 23:31

You're a 50 year old grown woman. You know this relationship is total shit. Bin the selfish arsehole and move on.

FizzyPink · 20/07/2020 23:33

This isn’t making you happy so don’t put up with it. And I don’t think it’s expecting a lot to be treated like a princess on your birthday, you deserve special attention and effort at least one day of the year

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2020 23:33

If I try to discuss it on Friday he will gaslight me.

Why on earth would you bother to discuss anything? There's nothing to talk about. You know this, surely?

BumbleBeee69 · 20/07/2020 23:35

I wouldn't be pissed off OP.. I would be SINGLE... Flowers

get this cock lodger to hell out of your home... he's using you for free accommodation for work.. 5 days a week.. Hmm

Happy Birthday Cake Flowers

Still1nLove · 20/07/2020 23:38

He sounds awful

Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat · 20/07/2020 23:53

He Totally can’t be arsed! His work is closer to your home and he couldn’t pop by after work with present and perhaps takeaway? It just seems totally selfish to not have a single thought for you to be honest, yes I would be gutted too, happy birthday from me 🥳🙌🏻

Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat · 20/07/2020 23:54

I forgot to add get rid!

NancyNoNickers · 21/07/2020 00:06

He sounds like an asshole. Give yourself a present and dump him

copperoliver · 21/07/2020 00:11

End it waste of your time. X

Original poster
IvyLovesWales · 21/07/2020 00:12

He won't stay at mine in the week, 'he likes his own space'! He arrives on a Friday leaves Monday morning.

I know I'm wasting my time with him, he's adamant we won't live together. I need to get a backbone and dump him I know.

OP posts:
Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat · 21/07/2020 00:18

He’s adamant you won’t live together? You do know the answer really then don’t you? He’s not in any way committed! Honestly, out on your big girl socks and move on, you deserve so, so, so much better! And you know what deep down you know it x

Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat · 21/07/2020 00:19

put sorry typo

Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat · 21/07/2020 00:21

Why waste your time on some cretin that can’t be arsed! You get one life bloody live it... sending you courage, and a mahoosive backbone 😉

DonKeyshot · 21/07/2020 00:23

If you know you're wasting your time with this self-obsessed and self-satisfied plonker, it has to be asked why are you continuing to demean yourself?

JustKittenAround · 21/07/2020 00:28

He likes what he likes and it isn’t up to your standards.

You sound like a very high value woman. That is a good thing! You know you deserve better than being handed a gift you had to specify... unwrapped and with no other regard to the occasion given.

You know deep down your worth is more than the minimum effort you have been given. You know deep down your worth is more than whatever convinces you provide.

It’s tough as a stranger to not say trash him... but you know you’re starting to see him for what he is.

How about he hosts you the next few weekends? Or maybe you take time for yourself to get you’re own “space” and have a friend stay at yours to do friend stuff?

I personally know the feeling of being unable to voice what’s in your mind for fear of it being turned on you. But you have to know that what you’re feeling is valid right? Because it’s!

If he wants his space then you have a right to have yours. Maybe let him dangle on the odd weekends... it’s your right.

Was he better when you first started dating or is this always how it has been?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2020 00:28

I need to get a backbone and dump him I know.

You have a backbone. Use it and stop being a doormat.

youhave4substitutes · 21/07/2020 00:46

It'll be so liberating to block and then delete this user. Go for it, you owe him nothing

redcarbluecar · 21/07/2020 00:59

Yes it would upset me and, taken with everything else you’ve mentioned, would be a deal breaker.

FlamedToACrisp · 21/07/2020 01:02

It's not 'being a princess' to expect your partner to enjoy spending time with you and get pleasure from finding ways to please you.

It's not 'being a princess' to make plans for the future with your long-term partner.

And it's certainly not 'being a princess' to expect your partner to at least try to make you feel special and loved on your birthday.

Please dump him.

DumpedByText · 21/07/2020 14:26

I've dumped him, you're all so right, I deserve so much more. He of course turned it all around to him and it's all my fault.

I was single for 10 years before I met him. I've a DD (13) and I need to show her women deserve to be treated better.

I have a good job, nice house, bright funny daughter and I can manage perfectly well without a man, which is the opposite for him. He cannot be on his own, so he'll be with someone within weeks!

Thanks everyone 😍