BF wants to propose...is it too soon?

[[AUTO]n8df3kcudubf4]

A little history. My boyfriend (42) and I (38) have been friends for almost 25 years. We met as teens and were fast friends. We didn't date as teens (there was VERY mutual attraction and a bond, wanted but I was afraid it would ruin our friendship). He moved out of town at age 23 and though we kept in touch, we moved on with our lives. I ended up getting married and we had 3 children. I was unhappy in my marriage from very early on and ultimately decided to leave in January of 2020. My now bf had split from his longtime gf of 13 years just prior to that. We started connecting again and by April he had asked me to date him. He still lives 4 hours away but I didn't want to miss the chance with him again. I had VERY strong feelings for him years ago and they got even stronger. I have been lucky to be working from home during COVID which has allowed me to travel to his place and stay with him during my week without the kids (I have exact 50/50 with my ex) and since April my bf and I have faces baby mama drama from his ex, him being laid off because of COVID, financial issues, child adjustments, all sorts of things. It honestly feels like we have been dating for years now and life just keeps throwing stuff at us and we seem to become stronger as a couple each time. Now, fast forward to this last week. I went out to visit and had one of my 3 kids with me (he lives in a small flat so there is simply not room for him, me, my 3 kids and his 2 kids all at the same time) and over the evening he had a few beers and decided to tell me he's going to propose and even told me he has a ring! He had no recollection of the conversation the next day either (so I didn't bring it up) LOL

Is it too soon? I don't feel like it is. Everything feels so unbelievably right....and most of all, I love him. I love him in a way I have never loved any and especially not my ex...but I'm also very concerned about how others will take such a fast engagement. I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel I've lost any sound judgment. Of course, it would also be a LONG engagement because I am not legally divorced yet. But he also let it slip that's what he wants because it would be his first marriage and he wants an intimate wedding where we can really take time and plan every detail to make it amazing.

oh hell no

just date each other. why are you introducing kids this early?! madness

start saying no, you will soon work out if hes a cocklodger or not! if he stays then yes hes the real deal

he was also testing the watertosee if you would say yes too!

oh hell no

just date each other. why are you introducing kids this early?! madness

start saying no, you will soon work out if hes a cocklodger or not! if he stays then yes hes the real deal

he was also testing the watertosee if you would say yes too!

I first met my husband end of April 2014, we became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 204, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015. Baby was due 30th August 2015, was actually born on 5th September 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, so we made sure we were. It was perfect.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.

But there was no children involved. In your case you obviously need to consider the children. And it doesn't sound like either of you are sure. (With us yes it was all extremely quick but it's what we both wanted 100% and we were both happy with the decisions we made).

Remember that friends only show you what they want to show you. Once you get deeper into a relationship with a friend, their true colours show and cracks appear. So regardless how long you've known him, you've never been in a relationship with him. Way too soon.

Think about your decision processes. You married someone else who you now say you never loved in the same way you love your boyfriend, and had 3 children with him. Why would you do that? Did you convince yourself it was true love then?
You're now painting the current relationship as a match made in heaven,but if that's the case why did you lose touch, why did you marry someone else? I wonder if you are framing what happened in the past to suit your current version of events.
Tbh, I think you need to give it much longer than a few months. And it is entirely disrespectful to your children and their father to conside r getting engaged when you are still married. Or does this just show how l lightly you treat the whole idea of marriage? I guess that is academic, but your new boyfriend doesn't sound great, getting so drunk he can't remember what he said. And you referring to his babymama, that's really trivializing the relationship he had with the mother of his child. Not nice.

Hells no.

Your previous friendship doesn’t afford you credit which you can add to your current relationship in order to skip bits. Your relationship is new and it isn’t a continuation of anything.

You are getting ahead of yourself massively and given there are children involved, your haste is incredibly selfish.

Get a grip!

So this is someone who you became right friends with when you were 13 and he was 17? Bit odd?

He left town a few years when you were late teens - and you reconnect 20 years later and you think you know him enough to marry him?

Maybe you do - is he still emotionally 17?

When a family breaks down - especially if it has been dysfunctional for a long time as you describe - the parents priorities are to heal the wounds and soothe the pain endured by the DC as well as focus on creating a calm and peaceful home for them to feel emotionally safe and to settle. It takes a lot of attuned co-parenting effort over a significant amount off time to set that up........are you fully focused on your DCs emotional health at this especially difficult time for them?

About 3 years too soon

Op- read and reread @FlashesOfRage post

Also- what’s the rush?!?!

Aside from what everyone else has said, why did you marry and have three children with a man you weren’t happy with from the beginning?

Is it possible you don’t make good choices?

You need to slow the fuck down. Stop taking your children to meet your boyfriend of 3 months. Stop thinking this is something it isn't (yet). Of course you can't plan to marry someone after 3 months when you have children to consider.
And never call her 'baby mama' again. It's beyond disrespectful.

I was engaged after three months, married six months later but (and it's a big but!) you have children and are both just out of long term relationships. We had neither and it horrifies me now how little we really knew each other. We have just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary but there's no way I'd put my children into your current situation. I'd say minimally a year before they even meet a boyfriend and certainly wouldn't contemplate cohabitation or marriage for a very long time.

Far, far too soon.

Are you in the UK? If so, I’m also curious as to why you broke lockdown to see such a new boyfriend? You were separate households so shouldn’t have been meeting up at all in April and May.

I changed my mind about getting remarried the night I met DH. I'd been divorced and single for 6 years. He'd been separated for 18 months. However his divorce took a further 3 years which slowed us way down.

With kids it takes much longer to sort out all the bumps in the road. Get engaged if you want but don't put you and your kids security at risk til you see how it's going to actually work as a family.

You sound like you are having an emotional “back to the future” in your 13 year old teenage crush phase.

Your thread title is misleading - a shit faced bloke mumbled something almost inaudible that he has no memory of and you don’t bring up.......how is this “my bf wants to propose”? Were you a bit drunk too?