What is this error dynamic that my parents operate? Anyone else experienced this feeling?

[Usertrelly]

Ever since a child and into adulthood, my parents have made me feel uncomfortable in quite a specific way and I don’t know if it is me being sensitive or whether this is a thing and it’s weird? Probably going to sound petty! Hard to explain but here goes

I always felt mocked as a child. Not in an overt way, and maybe mocking is the wrong word but for instance if I said I wanted to get up early to get to school earlier one day, they’d sort of laugh and say oooohh will you manage getting up in time an hour before usual?! And they’d laugh and they’d be supportive about me going in earlier and choosing to do that, but they’d sort of make me feel like it was something huge and put me down at the same time (at least it felt that), ie by saying are you sure you’ll manage that! If I wanted to put a wash on when I got to age 14/15 they would joke that I would break the machine and I wojektn know how to work it - no offer to show me or let me do it. It felt shit.

That’s maybe a silly example but another would be when I got to maybe age 18 and decided I didn’t want to drink and so didn’t want anything with alcohol in it (like gravy). I’d drank before and had a horrible reaction. They would laugh at this every dinnertime and joke I was tee total etc. And pretend to pour me a wine and say I was a misery for not drinking. Just made me feel silly and small about making that choice.

More adult example are when I asked if it was ok to bring a friend’s dog to their house one weekend as I was looking after it, they said yes but oh gosh user you’ll have to make sure you pick up the dog poo? You know you have to pick up the pool don’t you, you can’t leave that in the village?? Sort of said in a panicked way like I am completely irresponsible or thick. I can’t think of anyone who would say that to me as a grown adult!!!

There’s plenty more and they sound silly I think but whenever I am around them I feel like they see me as someone without opinions that matter, or they enjoy joking at my expense and not really seeing me as an adult. As a result I am really strange around them sometimes, I feel awkward a lot of the time and it is totally different to being around my friends and colleagues.

Is this a thing with anyone else?

There’s a bullying dynamic in my family with my siblings (I.e. them bullying me because I was the eldest and quite academically accomplished - I think they thought I could take it, or deserved it, but I hated it). It’s better now that we’re all in our 30s, but I have issues as a result.

My father in law does a similar thing to my mother in law that you describe in your OP. Constant mocking and jokes at her expense. She seems to take it well but I would have killed him decades ago if I were her!

Mine don't do it as much but definitely did as a teenager. I was really introverted and spent a lot of time in my room. When I did used to fancy sitting downstairs they made a big deal of it "ooh gracing is with your presence, to what do we owe this honour?" etc.

Just makes you less likely to do it next time.

My Nan also does it. Just recently, I mentioned that my son's most favourite toy was something we got really cheap in a charity shop. She made a big fuss about "I never thought I'd see the day that Blustery accepted second hand" I buy loads second hand!

Some family members never seem to accept that we grow up and our personalities change.

My siblings bring up shit from our teen years that I don’t even remember, but which are somehow supposed to be emblematic of my entire personality.