Ex introducing OW.

[WhatInTheHell]

So I've posted before about my Ex leaving me for OW. Its been 5 months and I was informed by my daughter unintentionally that they have met her numerous times and they all do things together.

As you can imagine this hurt me. It's not the fact that he has introduced them, it's the blatant disrespect for me when I asked him not to introduce them as the kids are still getting over the fact that we are no longer together and adjusting to the new normal (which is understandable).

Now, I have posts popping up on Facebook regarding OW and her involvement with the Ex's family. I've tried blocking the whole family (my ex told me I was pathetic for that). I've tried speaking to her as a mother, again I was made a fool of. Everything I try to do with the best interest of my kids at heart is criticised and ridiculed.

I no longer know how to act, I feel completely numb to this situation. His new relationship doesn't bother me, it's just the fact he's rubbing another woman in the children's faces when they're still hurting from the break up.

I just need some advice on how to deal with this whole thing, because I'm doubting myself again. Just when I thought I was coming out the other side.

I’m so sorry your going through this and that your ex is such and insensitive ass towards you and more importantly your children’s feelings.

All I can really say is to try not to let it bother you because the chickens will eventually come home to roost.

Sorry this has happened to you OP.

My advice would be to detach from the situation and support your DCs through this. From your post it sounds like they will do what they want regardless of your wishes. Neither of them considered your feelings when they were having an affair so why would they now?

Try to focus on yourself and the DCs. It does get easier.

Chances are it won’t last, and you’ll have the last laugh.💐

Oh, my heart goes out to you. What an awful situation. Your ex just doesn't care. You are going to have to protect your kids from that as much as you can.

So, was the blocking successful? If not , then why not? I would work on getting that done somehow. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

If he's like my ex he will get off on putting stuff on his social media to hurt you. Which could be why he ridiculed you for doing it. Not that his opinion means anything. He's an arse.

I don't think you're pathetic for doing that. I think you're wise, and I actually think on the whole you sound pretty amazing.

Thank you for the replies!

@LessCumbersome the blocking wasn't a success, they made out like I was being pathetic and that's why he introduced the DC to her. Normally, I wouldn't care. I think I'm having an emotional moment and feeling a little bit sorry for myself. Thank you for saying I sound amazing. It's nice to hear. He gets off on trying to put me down because he knows I'm in a better place than he is now. I've grown as a person and he's still doing the same things he did before just with someone different. I just need to stay positive for the children's sake and show them that it doesn't affect me and I'm happier without all his negativity dragging me down.

Get yourself a hot male friend to take walks with and put to dinner.

@RantyAnty I tried that, the ones I've found all seem to be slime balls and I don't have the patience for that anymore.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I'd just had our DD and my ex decided to have an affair with his female best friend, in front of me in our home. Once I left, he started posting public pictures on Facebook of her craddling my baby like she was the mum. I was outcasted and had to have it rubbed in my face. It broke me. (His relationship only last 6 months).

Your ex is a selfish pig for introducing the children so early. Are they OK with it? How do they feel?

It hurts. Ex left me for ow and moved In With her 12 weeks after he left the family home. I swiftly started EOW contact. I've never laid eyes on her In 3 years. And make no waves about the situation. Despite some shitty parenting.

It sounds like he wants a reaction from you. Don't give it to him. Block them all. Or just deactivate them from your page. Don't engage in any conversation unless it's about the children. Go grey rock.

My ex is still with OW. She deserves better if you ask me. But then I would think that. It gets easier in time. You just have to do the right thing by you and the children. Give them a safe place and lots of love. And let them know they can open up to you.

I've tried blocking the whole family (my ex told me I was pathetic for that).

That's rather easy to say when it isn't you who's been cheated on and left by your partner and coparent (and your family as it was broken up).

He sounds like a total asshole.

And that's backed up by introducing his kids to his ow quite early.

I'd say don't try to communicate with any of them at all except about basic, unavoidable, co-parenting info. Get rid of any SM that could cause you to see their stuff (as you've tried to). You can't do anything about his shitty parenting and being a shitty person. Very frustrating but all you can do is encourage your kids to be communicative and open to you about things.

he started posting public pictures on Facebook of her craddling my baby like she was the mum ...... (His relationship only last 6 months).

That's a perfect demonstration of what these (possibly narcissist or sociopathic) men are like, they make a farce out of relationship, parenting, love.

It's examples like this that show why women shouldn't "bite" as hard as it is.

They can introduce whichever women they're entangled with, for as long as long as it lasts .. and have her play mummy, but that's all it is; playing mummy. You are their only Mum, the one who does the real parenting, the hard graft.

Let the kiddies play at being daddy & mummy.

What he and his family think are irrelevant, so go ahead and block them. If they think that you are pathetic for doing so, well that's their prerogative and it makes no difference to you because you want nothing to do with them.

Likewise if your Ex makes a comment, ignore it. His opinion also doesn't matter. He's only saying it to get a reaction from you, because his fragile ego can't cope with the fact that him leaving you might actually leave you better off and happier in the long run.

Detach and grey rock him. Contact is only to discuss access to the kids - anything else he says, ignore. If you can, have them ready for pickup and bundle them straight out of the door without talking to him. Eventually he will get bored without a reaction.

Oh and incidentally I noticed (through my ex bil) that one of the main reasons men like this introduce other women so quickly, is that they literally incapable of looking after their own kids on their own for any real period of time.

They might use their female relatives to bail them out of doing so but of they're seeing a woman she's around/convenient so they use her.

It's a sign of their utter lack of competence as a parent, they generally made the kids Mum do all the heavy lifting with them.from birth a d that's why they're so useless (and often don't even see if as their job) ..
If someone with a vagina is around they, be default, draft her into "helping" with the kids.

In my ex bil's case, he even got the women to pay for child relsyed activities/outings too; because he was broke, stingy, a general sociopathic user. (But a good looking one so there was always done sucker who did it).

*some sucker

I manage totally without Facebook and all that stuff, I am sure I am happier because of it. Just block them,doesnt matter what anyone thinks.
You wouldnt want someone you dislike standing outside your house yelling everything that was happening in their pathetic lives, why are popups on Facebook any different?

Take a break from social media. It's not your friend right now.

How old are the kids?

Find something completely new that you and the kids can immerse yourselves in. Doesn't matter what it is, just something else to talk about and focus on. Redecorating, going camping, learning to ride a horse. whatever your budget will allow. Take the focus away from thinking about the shitty situation and do something new.

My counsellor taught me a good trick to switch my thinking. Find somewhere quiet you can be alone. Sit down and hold your finger out. Whoever is saying hurtful things picture them standing in front of you. Picture them saying all the hurtful things in their own voice. Then shrink them down so they are standing on your finger and shrink their voice down too so it sounds all squeeky and silly. Then imagine them doing a dance or wearing a stupid hat, all whilst they are still saying the hurtful things. It will make you smile trust me! then next time you see them you'll think of your finger trust me!! anytime you need it use it. Its takea the sting out of bullies by readjusting your cognitive processing of that situation (nuro linguistic programming).

You need to take the power away from these horrible people in you mind

You can’t change other people’s behaviours unfortunately.

How do the children feel about her? Is spending time with her upsetting them?

Hi All,

Thank you for all the replies. Unfortunately I know he's an idiot and can't seem to manage parenting on his own. I guess I was just hoping he'd realise it's not for the best.

My DC are 3 & 4. My daughter has already told me it's daddies girlfriend and she seems to enjoy the meetings. My son is adamant that she's not his girlfriend and wouldn't speak about her.

I think he's told them to keep it a secret from me, as my daughter is usually an open book but they've been meeting for weeks. DD is very switched on, even at such a young age and watches everything. She described her in full detail (even down to only having nail varnish on one hand). I just think if she can notice all the little things now, it's going to hit home hard soon.

I second PP, ignore the fucker, block everyone and everything to do with your ex on social media.

Tell your DC you know it’s daddy's girlfriend. And tell them never to lie to you or have secrets from you, they’re so young and your arsehole ex is telling them to keep secrets from you their mum? Does he think about anything but his own dick?

Do as others here suggest, try the visualisation.

Only engage about DC. Don’t respond or engage or discuss anything else. Just don’t be there.

He sounds like he’s only carrying his relationship on to upset you. Why would that be, surely if he’s so deliriously happy he doesn’t need to splatter it all over social media?

Also do things for yourself, have fun with your dc when you’re home together. Make plans do things you’ve wanted to do. Have fun when the dc are with him, meet up with friends, go out for lunch.

I wouldn’t try and make ex jealous with a new partner, try and find a loving kind man if that’s what you want, you’ve already got rid of one dickhead you don’t need another on your hands.

OP you know it's not about the children but about you. It's horribly humiliating to have a woman getting to enjoy what should be yours. Its hurts like hell.

But ultimately, what you had is gone and she is the one to enjoy it and you have no right to demand that it doesn't happen. You have no such control any longer.

It will get easier, it really will but the quicker you let go, the easier it will get.

Hold on to the fact that things really do come around. I was in your shoes once, the anger and feeling of unfairness with it all ate me inside but time heals. I fell in love again, married and have been enjoying a nice life with someone I trust and share a very good life style with. My ex lost jobs after jobs, is now in meager roles whenever he can get one, had a tumultuous relationship for year with her and two years ago, she left him for someone else.

Your time of contentment will come again. Don't put your kids in between. Its not their fault and they are entitled to get to know and like her. They don't owe you not to.

This is who he is and who his family are, you can not change them

Focus on supporting your children, which unfortunately includes supporting them through the fallout of having a shitty dad. The sooner they accept him for who he is, the easier it will be in the long run.

OP - I am sorry you are hurting. It’s natural and time will eventually fix it.
Looking from the outside - 5 months is actually not a short time when kids are this small. For them - a lot of time has passed.
And - if his relationship lasts - none of us have any way of predicting the outcome here - your kids being this young is a good thing. They won’t remember the stress of divorce. And they’ll be used to the two households.

Painful as it is for you - it will be OK. Just keep reminding yourself that.

All I can really say is to try not to let it bother you because the chickens will eventually come home to roost.

The first part of this response is helpful but the second isn't. People don't always get the comeuppance that others feel they're due and is encouraging the OP to keep hold of negativity. I'm sorry for your situation OP but you can't change it, so just focus on your life and happiness

Your ex sounds like a horrible person. Of course this makes you feel awful. There isn't much you can do unfortunately. Avoiding everyone on social media is a good idea.