Ex introducing OW.

[WhatInTheHell]

So I've posted before about my Ex leaving me for OW. Its been 5 months and I was informed by my daughter unintentionally that they have met her numerous times and they all do things together.

As you can imagine this hurt me. It's not the fact that he has introduced them, it's the blatant disrespect for me when I asked him not to introduce them as the kids are still getting over the fact that we are no longer together and adjusting to the new normal (which is understandable).

Now, I have posts popping up on Facebook regarding OW and her involvement with the Ex's family. I've tried blocking the whole family (my ex told me I was pathetic for that). I've tried speaking to her as a mother, again I was made a fool of. Everything I try to do with the best interest of my kids at heart is criticised and ridiculed.

I no longer know how to act, I feel completely numb to this situation. His new relationship doesn't bother me, it's just the fact he's rubbing another woman in the children's faces when they're still hurting from the break up.

I just need some advice on how to deal with this whole thing, because I'm doubting myself again. Just when I thought I was coming out the other side.

I think it's important to know that the reason he doesn't want you blocking his family is that he likes a way of keeping tabs on you. If you're in touch with his family then he can get bits of info about you through them. It's control. Also he knows deep down he's a complete shit bag but if you are amicable with his family then what he did "can't have been that bad, see she's still friends with my family". In short you get nothing out of communicating with them but he gets quite a lot and that in itself is reason enough to block them. Block them and stop listening to his nonsense. He doesn't want what's best for you, quite the reverse, he wants what's best for him and that's why you shouldn't give a single moments consideration to his self serving criticism.

I think it's important to know that the reason he doesn't want you blocking his family is that he likes a way of keeping tabs on you. If you're in touch with his family then he can get bits of info about you through them. It's control. Also he knows deep down he's a complete shit bag but if you are amicable with his family then what he did "can't have been that bad, see she's still friends with my family". In short you get nothing out of communicating with them but he gets quite a lot and that in itself is reason enough to block them. Block them and stop listening to his nonsense. He doesn't want what's best for you, quite the reverse, he wants what's best for him and that's why you shouldn't give a single moments consideration to his self serving criticism.

He doesn't like your boundaries so he's dismissing them as "pathetic". Ignore him. What he thinks is irrelevant. Men usually still want to know they're still important to you so don't give him the satisfaction.

Agree with @YgritteSnow

Dealing with the aftermath of my husband's affair, I have come to the conclusion that men are weak and when you throw into the mix girls who have no respect for themselves or other people's relationships, well what can I say? It's so hard to bite your tongue or whatever but you are the stronger person without a doubt! Your children will get older and one day they will ask why their mum and dad split up. It's up to you how honest you want to be with them depending their age when they ask. It really does speak volumes about your ex with the way he is dealing with this. He has no respect. The best revenge you can have is letting them get on with their relationship which is built on lies and deceit (It won't last) and you meanwhile you can build a better life for yourself and your children. Your children love their mum and no one will ever take your place belive me!! She will always be the OW.

I have come to the conclusion that men are weak and when you throw into the mix girls who have no respect for themselves or other people's relationships

I think a better conclusion is that men are weak and some have no respect for themselves or the person they're in a relationship with.

I have come to the conclusion that men are weak and when you throw into the mix girls who have no respect for themselves or other people's relationships, well what can I say?

Ah so the men are "weak" but the women they cheat with (usually accompanied by telling said women one of the clichéd script of lies to invalidate their marriage to them) "have no respect for themselves or other people's relationships".

Does a man who cheats on.his partner (and usually his family) have respect for himself?

And which is worse - not having respect for other people's relationships or not having any respect for your own?

I'm shocked to hear such male apologist, chauvanist claptrap on mn.

Dont full.yourself - cheating men value fresh pussy above their relationship, partner and family and at some level think they're entitled to it. They also tend to do a great deal of lying to get it.

How many "girls" do you think go for men who tell them "this is it mostly just sex, I have no intention of leaving my partner, I just want to fuck your orifices a few times, I'm a bit bored fucking hers"????

*fool, not full obviously

I know it hurts, but if your ex is in a new relationship, his new partner is likely to be involved with his family - I don't think she's done anything wrong or unusual by spending time with his extended family. It's understandable you find it difficult to see, which is why blocking was a great idea - have you managed to get Ex and his relatives blocked yet?

It's disappointing he introduced your kids to his new partner without telling you, but he's entitled to introduce your kids to whoever he wants to during his contact time, so you can't stop it happening. On one level, though it's hard now, it's good that his new partner is keen to spend time with your kids and is encouraging your ex to spend time with them. It would be far worse for the kids if Ex's new partner wanted nothing to do with the children and actively discouraged Ex from spending time with them. At least this way your kids have their dad in their lives.

I agree with those PPs who have said you shouldn't think about karma. There is no such thing. Ex may get his comeuppance. He and his new partner may split. But they might not. The healthiest thing for you to do is not to care.

It's up to you who you have on social media. Block, block, BLOCK if you want to. Take no notice of anyone calling you pathetic. It's very normal to no longer have ex partners on social media. My husband and his ex have each other blocked despite being very amicable these days, in their minds, they aren't friends so why would they need to have each other on Facebook, especially at the beginning. It just leaves things open for arguments imo, you can see things he's doing with the DC you aren't happy with and vice versa. Best to just keep your lives separate on SM.

Unfortunately, as hurtful as I understand this is for you, there is nothing you can do. You can't stop him introducing her, you can't demand that he doesn't, you can't stop them putting things on Facebook etc etc. It's shit but it doesn't help when people pretend like you have a say imo, because you don't at the end of the day. The best thing you can do is accept it and just try and help your kids navigate their feelings about it as best you can. Don't make your daughter feel like she can't talk about it or enjoy the time she spends with this is woman (not that you have just a general point) and make sure your son knows he can talk to you if he's struggling (which I'm sure he does).

One thing I hate though is when people try to say 'it won't last', 'karma is a bitch' blah blah. Because it might. There is no point pinning your happiness on them breaking up, they very well may not. You have to learn to be happy for yourself and all these types of comments do is encourage you to hold onto the negativity and remain 'in' the situation, it's unhelpful.

I really hope you are okay OP, it's shit but you'll get through it.

Agree with indigoviolet and GilbertMarkham, nothing ever changes on this site. It is ALWAYS the OW who 'has no respect for herself or other people's relationships'.

The man in question, his respect for himself and HIS relationship that was entirely his business to protect, is never brought to book. That is the pathetic bit. So many women falling over themselves to absolve the shitty man who has left them and done them the best favour ever.

@GilbertMarkham @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe @IndigioViolet yes of course I agree with all 3 of you! In my situation I put the blame at 50/50. My husband is now a lying cheater in my eyes who put his d**k before his family. He's lost the respect of our eldest son. We're trying to fix things and I really want to try but tbh I don't see him in the same light anymore so who knows how it will pan out. When I say the woman has no respect for herself, when a woman blatantly tries to steal your husband despite the fact she knows he has a family, that speaks volumes. I have seen all their messages and she went all out to get him and he was weak, hence my comment. So basically neither of them have any respect. Yes I know he's the one that's married and she owes me nothing but surely if you had any basic human decency you would wait to see how the marriage panned out before jumping in. I think they are both equally as disgusting as each other really.

@Ladj,no man on this earth can be "stolen". You seem to be imbuing the other woman with sinister and magical powers that render a man incapable of resisting. Sirens exist only in mythology

@Upstartcrones, I LOVE this. I am going to use it with my narcissistic ex. Only danger is, I am liable to start laughing in his face!

@IndigioViolet I absolutely get what you are saying but I do believe that if you knowingly get involved with a married man then you should take responsibility also. It takes two to conduct an affair. 50/50 as far as I am concerned. She makes a choice to act like a w**re and he makes a choice to totally disrespect his family.

Honestly. The OW is not equally to blame for the betrayal of a husband. And I have been cheated on so I have some experience. People who make promises to me and have responsibilities to me are the ones that betray me when they cheat.

A woman who even knowingly gets involved with a married man is not equally to blame. That's ridiculous. So a woman I don't know owes me the same level of fidelity as my husband? I've never heard anything so daft.

But she's not your problem @Ladj. He is. I don't approve of anyone knowingly getting involved with a person in a relationship but in terms of your marriage problem, your husband is 100% at fault. Not 50%.

@LessCumbersome, again I understand what you are saying, but what if the OW knew you and your children also. She shouldn't take responsibility for her part? If, for example, she didn't know he was married then sure it is totally the husband alone who is at fault, but I really can't say that knowingly getting involved with a married man means you are blameless.

Ok your no longer togerther so your free agents so he can have a girlfirend and it,s good that he is in a happy place. I would however ask him to be courtious as children can make attachments easily and relationships don,t always last. But if you had a boyfriend your kids would get to know him too.

@Ladj

Not blameless, and not innocent . Just not equally responsible. A woman who has a relationship with a married man obviously lacks integrity and morals. She might be a bitch in some cases, in other cases she might be getting lied to from day one. I know though that I don't care about any of that.

In my case she was also married ( with young kids) who was self employed so my ex actually paid her her day rate to spend the time with her, so her husband never suspected. I actually told him she was basically a prostitute and he was her client (he didn't like that) The two of them are as scummy and as vile as each other but only one of them betrayed me.

I think she's a bitch, but mostly because she betrayed her young family. I don't think about her , I only ever let myself think about her momentarily.

I left, eventually. I deserve better. Abusive relationship and unrecoverable. I'm happy now.

@LessCumbersome damn right you deserve better! I'm glad you're happy now.

Agree you will not necessarily see them having a rubbish time. Your Ex and OW will be even more keen to show that their sordid affair was worth it by being on their best behavior and trying to behave as if it hurt no one.

Of course it hurt. It really hurt you and it was a massive betrayal.

You can be sure that his family, although polite, will feel very awkward and disappointed in him.

All I can say is that I am going through the same, seeing my Ex oh so happy shagging a load of young women, bragging to his friends, and they all think he’s wonderful. His family think he’s well rid of me and deserves every happiness as I’ve been vilified as some awful person. Reality is I’m heartbroken and brining up our severely disabled DS on my own. I think the best thing for you to do it so come off SM completely.

Don’t block anyone at all. Just give yourself space to heal. It’s unfair, it’s rubbish, but there is nothing we can do. Nothing! Except refocus on US - that is YOU and your KIDS. That’s it. Ignore what happens at his house. You can’t control it. Your kids won’t like it. Show them what dignified and strong looks like. It’s YOU. Not your sorry Ex. Take your time but every decision, make sure it is about your stability, your kids, your happiness. Focus on them for a while. Have some lovely routines - set up some special things you do regularly. Your new normal. Maybe curry on Saturday. Walk Sunday. Movie night Friday with popcorn. When the kids are with him - make some routines for you. With other people if you can. You will be OK. If I can, you can!