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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's done it again

47 replies

Mumofboys27 · 17/07/2020 23:36

I have just found out that my husband has been chatting to another woman again! Not sure why I'm posting this. I'm heart broken

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:45

Sorry op Flowers.

What is your position if you leave?

Can you get your ducks in a row to do so. It's not what anyone wants but infidelity (even if it's not physical, though it rarely isn't/doesn't become so) is seen by some as abuse, and I'd agree with that wholeheartedly. Noone should have to suffer it.

KetoIFWinnie · 17/07/2020 23:47

Sounds like you've been here before.

End it. Dont keep putting all of your energy in to recovering from the damage to your self esteem only for him to destroy it all over again.

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 17/07/2020 23:47

What do you mean by chatting to?

LessCumbersome · 17/07/2020 23:49

I'm sorry, how is he meeting them? Is you boys his? I'm sorry , he's scum.

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 17/07/2020 23:52

Yes I have been here before. I had a feeling and found a number blocked on his phone. I asked him and he lied at first saying it was something to do with work, I said I was going to phone it and he told me

OP posts:
MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 17/07/2020 23:53

Told you what? Whats actually happened?

Weenurse · 17/07/2020 23:54

So sorry, what do you want for your future?
Knowing he can’t be faithful.

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 17/07/2020 23:58

A couple of months ago we had an argument and was going to split up, he started chatting to someone on a dating app but said it was a few messages and then he came off. But he has obviously exchanged numbers and is now saying it was a few days and they had been chatting on the phone

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 18/07/2020 00:01

Kick his arse out.

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:04

I wish it was so easy

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:04

So he's been talking for months? When did he block her? Did he tell you? Can you check a bill or did he talk on WhatsApp? If they were talking it will show up.

Check the dating app , that's he's still off it .

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:05

He hasn't told me anything. I don't even know which app it was

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:05

She was blocked on the phone. He hasn't got whatsapp or Facebook after last time

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:08

So you found her as a blocked contact with no other information.... Like there's nothing? Have you unblocked it? I think that can sometimes show the messages?

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:09

No I didn't think to. There is nothing else

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:10

I asked him who it was he said it was something to do with work, I told him i didn't believe him and was going to call the number, he said I was ruining things and why couldn't I let things be

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:11

That's when he told me that he had spoke to her on the phone

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:11

Well blocking makes messages disappear on my phone, i just checked it . Can you ask him to unblock it, to show you? Have you still got the phone?

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:14

No he's not here now. I asked him to look at his phone and he said no he wasn't doing this

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:17

Oh, I've been there. With the not disclosing information. It's frustrating. So you were splitting up at the time? How long did that go on for?

Itsjustabitofbanter · 18/07/2020 00:17

Well you’re probably not getting the full story here. He could have blagged a blocked number away easily, and you’ve already found there’s another woman. Unfortunately now he’s left with his phone then he’s going to be covering his tracks. ‘I’m not doing this’ means he doesn’t want you to find out what else he’s hiding, otherwise he’d just be happy to prove that it was only talking

Original poster
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:19

He had been really vile in front of the children calling me a slag and stuff so I asked him to leave. This was on the Sunday, he said he started talking on the Tuesday, we wasn't together for about a week

OP posts:
MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 18/07/2020 00:22

@Mumofboys27

He had been really vile in front of the children calling me a slag and stuff so I asked him to leave. This was on the Sunday, he said he started talking on the Tuesday, we wasn't together for about a week
He needs to stay gone.

It is very unhealthy to have children witness this.

Belle1983 · 18/07/2020 00:25

@Mumofboys27 I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I didn't have children at the time, but broke my heart when I found out my husband was cheating. I had nearly 8 years (on and off) of suspicions when I finally got confirmed evidence.

Just know that when your time is right to make a decision, you will find the strength to get through it.
It's never easy at the start, but you and your boys can and will have a much happier life going forward.

Best of luck for your decisions. I'm sending virtual hugs.x

LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:26

He called you a slag in front of your boys? And he found somebody to talk to two days later? I think he's an arsehole.

Look. I've been where you are. I begged for details, information for about eight months.
Eight months I'll never get back ( obviously I wasn't doing well at that time in any way), in my case he slept with her for months so it might be different. It was a more casual relationship though .

My ex gave me nothing but pain. Wouldn't tell me anything, told me it wasn't my business, told me I was a freak, a sexual deviant for asking the details ( he was a piece of work).

Anyway my point is. This sort of thing. The only good way through is honest disclosure. Will he give you that?

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