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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's done it again

47 replies

Mumofboys27 · 17/07/2020 23:36

I have just found out that my husband has been chatting to another woman again! Not sure why I'm posting this. I'm heart broken

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:28

I was only ever asking when it started and how long it went on for in my case btw. Not sexual details

Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:29

No he won't. He has always lied.

OP posts:
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:30

It's just not fair that I care so much and am hurting so much and he doesn't give a fuck

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:32

I'm sorry. Lying is the worst. You just never know where you are. I have literally begged for a truth from a person who wouldn't recognise it.

It's awful .

Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:33

I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 18/07/2020 00:35

@Mumofboys27

I just don't know what to do
You do know what to do. You need to end the relationship.

The question you should be asking is HOW do you leave.

LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:35

Where is he? How did he leave?

Tringingle · 18/07/2020 00:35

Been there...get rid,u will be better off,I'm nearly 3 years gone from my husband for same reason except it was two women he was 'chatting' (local girls,one was my 'friend') nearly 3 years later he's still looking for me back,yet he's giving me absolutely no reason to trust him,never again,trust me u will be better off and u will grow and be stronger from this,so will the children,I have 2 children Ds is 6 Dd is 7 we are so much happier without him!he complains constantly that he doesn't see them enough yet drops them constantly at the last min cause it doesn't suit him,told me recently he basically doesn't have kids anymore,they're true colors shine through when they are in the wrong.Do it for yourself,do it for your children,get shot of the prick he will never change.wishing you all the best and all the strength you need!stay strong!💪❤️

Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:36

I can just leave. He won't fight for me

OP posts:
Tringingle · 18/07/2020 00:38

What use is he if he won't fight for you?you want someone to love you deeply and to want you for who you are,he's out there,u just need to get rid of the rubbish before he can find you!❤️

FrenchtoEnglish · 18/07/2020 00:39

Just leave. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:41

Look. You need to change this around.

You listen to me for a minute, you are BETTER than HIM. Not the other way around. Never the other way around.

You stop fighting for him.

When was the last time you did anything to hurt your kids? Because that waste of space called their mother, the most beautiful, amazing person in their lives a slag. That hurt them as well as you.

You don't deserve that. You never did.

Tringingle · 18/07/2020 00:43

Get ur important stuff organized for you and the kids as discretely as you can and leave,have you somewhere you can go like parents,friends?have you the resources to support yourselves for at least a few weeks?

Tringingle · 18/07/2020 00:44

@LessCumbersome

Look. You need to change this around.

You listen to me for a minute, you are BETTER than HIM. Not the other way around. Never the other way around.

You stop fighting for him.

When was the last time you did anything to hurt your kids? Because that waste of space called their mother, the most beautiful, amazing person in their lives a slag. That hurt them as well as you.

You don't deserve that. You never did.

That too!
Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 00:47

He has gone. I don't need to. And how can I tell anyone. I look stupid after taking him back last time

OP posts:
Tringingle · 18/07/2020 00:49

You don't look stupid,he looks stupid and everyone can see that,you won't yet but you will in time,he's the one who's f*cked it up not you!you need to start trusting and believing in yourself now,this is your time to show the world what you're made of!

LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 00:55

You tell people what you want to , when you want to. If someone judges you , you stop confiding in them. But you might be surprised. You will probably be surprised . I have went through a lot in my life. I don't judge. This can be an opportunity for you to build relationships, make them stronger.

Or this can be an opportunity for you to become stronger in yourself.

Just know that staying where you are is not doing you any good at all. You need to move in some direction.

Mumofboys27 · 18/07/2020 01:01

I wish it was as easy as you make it sound.

OP posts:
Tringingle · 18/07/2020 01:09

The thing is,it is that easy,it's your thoughts that's stopping you,if your in a position to stay in the house then get the locks changed ASAP if your not then leave,get your important stuff passports etc clothes in a bag and get out,u can sort the bitty stuff later just take wats important now,I'm not saying panic leave right now, just organize yourself and leave when he's not there to avoid a confrontation in front of the children

LessCumbersome · 18/07/2020 01:10

Oh, so do I.

I know it feels like there's a million steps between where you are and where you want to be. I've been where you are. I thought about "better the devil you know?". I thought " could I ignore the cheating, the emotional abuse, everything else? ".

Could you?

I was pathetic and broken and lost. I was suicidal , beyond help I thought.

I could tell you a thousand insults, a thousand lies. And I thought this man was my soul mate, I truly, desperately loved him .

Now I don't want to know anything about him.

You need to think only about you. What is best for you.

WhatInTheHell · 18/07/2020 01:26

OP, as a woman we are never truly on our list of priorities. Why would we be? We have so much to deal with that thinking about ourselves doesn't feel right. When we're feeling low, we allow ourselves to be treated wrongly. We deserve it right? We must do. If only I lost some weight maybe he wouldn't choose to stray. If I do the dishes and keep the house tidy he'll be happy and pay me a little bit of attention.

These are stupid things that go through our heads because we never believe in ourselves and certainly don't think we're good enough. Who told us we're not good enough? The men who feel entitled enough to do as they please because they know they have us exactly where they want us. The men who's egos are so large they believe they're gods gift to woman and should have multiple. Flip it round and you'll see he's the one who isn't worth it.

I can't tell you how to feel OP. It's easy for people to say LTB or just walk away. Your love for someone doesn't stop just because they treat you poorly. You won't leave because you still think there is something worth fighting for, I completely understand. You don't want your children to grow up without that secure family unit.

You knows what's better than a strong family unit? An independent woman who takes no shit from people who don't deserve to be around.

He'll never change, no matter what you try to do or what you say. He is who he is, allow him to be that person. You need to be who you are now and show him the door. You'll gain your strength and you'll look back and laugh.

I wish you all the best in whatever choice you make. Just know, you should never feel foolish for living someone. Giving someone multiple chances doesn't make you look stupid. You can draw the line now and realise your worth. It's never too late Thanks

WhatInTheHell · 18/07/2020 01:35

*loving

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