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Original poster

Is this what I think it is?

44 replies

yourthoughtsplease · 17/07/2020 22:51

I could really use some outside opinions. I cannot discuss with friends, family or DH. Not yet.

Today I have been helping DH of 6 years with some work admin. In emails I see an order via an online pharmacy from November last year for a genital warts treatment. I didn't know anything about this. Probably shouldn't have clicked on it, but I did.

I do not have, nor have ever had, warts of any kind.

Is this what I think it is?

We have a great relationship. I can't believe it. Could it be anything else!?

OP posts:
PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 17/07/2020 22:54

Why shouldn’t you have clicked on it?! If it was something that could have an impact on my relationship and sexual health, damn right I would be clicking on it!
Does it look legit?

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 17/07/2020 22:54

I’m sorry but honestly can’t think that what else it could be than what it is.

MintyJones · 17/07/2020 22:56

Absolutely nobody can help you with this I'm afraid. How would anyone know apart from taking guesses which could end up with you feeling even worse

You'll have to talk to him. Before you do though, think about your relationship and if he has the opportunity to cheat on you and was there any specific times when he avoided sex. I'd also consider a check yourself

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 17/07/2020 22:58

He could have had warts for years and years.

TheMurk · 17/07/2020 22:58

Could it be a spam email?

Original poster
yourthoughtsplease · 17/07/2020 22:59

@PammieDooveOrangeJoof yes absolutely legit. Big pharmacy name. DH created an account, requested medicine, medicine was approved. Delivery address, personal details etc all correct.

OP posts:
YesYesBoi · 17/07/2020 23:01

If he has had it for years then he can show you his medical records. He can request them at the doctors.

Of course you should look, this is your health and for anyone who makes you believe that you should blindly trust, well that's all good and a nice idea but humans aren't always honest and the length of a relationship doesn't equal honesty.

He should be happy to clean this situation up and also apologise for not telling you about this previously

Sugartitties · 17/07/2020 23:08

er, of course she shouldn’t have the HPV virus doesn’t leave your body, think i read somewhere it lays dormant in the base of your spine.

i have had them courtesy of an ex husband.

Namechanged001 · 17/07/2020 23:08

I’d be tempted to ask him outright but before doing so I’d do some research on them first.

He may of had them for several years, but even if he did he should of told you as you may now have the virus.

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:16

What strikes me is that, even if he had an outbreak of genital warts from an infection acquired before you two got into an exclusive relationship; he couldn t know from when he was infectious (he would probably have been infectious from before the warts showed) ..

So he absolutely should have told you that he'd had an outbreak, in case there was a possibility he had infected you. As far as I know there's nothing you could really do about it, other than treat the warts of any appeared, bit you had the right to know. What if some had appeared on you .. with no warning from him.

In any case I'll be honest, I don't think the above (outbreak from infection acquired before you became exclusive is likely) .... Perhaps my experience is not standard, I gave no idea, but I was infected with genital warts by a sexual partner when I was very young and naive. I'd suspected he was very promiscuous and had always insisted on condoms but on one occasion he rubbed his dick against my vulva without one on and I developed them a while later (though I understand I could possibly have gotten them from contact even with a condom).The only thing the clinic could offers me at the time was freezing them, which they did .. they went away and I have never once seen any in the twenty odd years since. So I'd suspect he acquired the infection around the time he got the warts and had to have them treated.

For me that's backed up by the fact that if he acquired them before you became exclusive and had no reason to hide it (other than embarrassment or lack.of honesty) why wouldn't he gave been honest and said he'd had them and there might be a risk he could pass them on.

No doubt he'll say he was too embarrassed but I'd doubt that.

Even if it went due to cheating (hmm) it was your right to know when he had an outbreak and be aware you'd been exposed and might get them.

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:18

*wasn't

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:20

He could have had warts for years and years.

In which case he should have told his wife.

Sugartitties · 17/07/2020 23:25

ok op, you need to go do some research as some of the comments here are not helpful. did you know that you could have given them to him? maybe you don’t develop warts, not everyone does.

something like 80% of the population have the HPV virus. it’s so common!

LonginesPrime · 17/07/2020 23:25

Unless you don't have sex, it's hugely out of order that he kept on having sex with you and didn't tell you.

And there's the obvious question of where he caught them.

The other alternative is that he bought it as a joke present for someone, like a secret Santa or something, although possibly a little early in November.

VenusTiger · 17/07/2020 23:26

Has he been acting differently in the bedroom? Keeping away from you? Do you use contraception such as condoms? Trying to gauge if he's known for your whole relationship or if it's a new thing?

LessCumbersome · 17/07/2020 23:29

80%? , honestly ? Have HPV?? But surely it's common practice to tell sexual partners ? If he didn't have anything to hide surely he would have told the OP? Or asked her if she had them?

LessCumbersome · 17/07/2020 23:32

Simple answer is. If a person is requesting medication for a STD but not telling their sexual partner, why aren't they?

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:34

The other alternative is that he bought it as a joke present for someone, like a secret Santa or something, although possibly a little early in November.

Confused

That's worse than "the condoms you found in his bag could be for a "posh wank".

(As an aside I have never ever, ever encountered a man who uses condoms to wank; they want more sensation not less).

granadagirl · 17/07/2020 23:37

He could be infecting you! Go get checked yourself?
Don’t take his answer as the truth
Then when you’ve done that
Ask him

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:39

did you know that you could have given them to him?

If ops dh had been faithful to her for the entire relationship a d then got an outbreak of genital warts; don't you think it likely he would have asked her did she have them, had she had them, wft was going on etc.??

As opposed to just getting himself treatment and saying not a word.

I don't know anyone who would do that if they suddenly had genital.warts in an exclusive relationship of some time.

(And if he'd had them himself before they became exclusive and thought they'd not occur again .. but then he had an outbreak; shouldn't he have told her/warned her?

Original poster
yourthoughtsplease · 17/07/2020 23:51

Thanks all. I've been reading and learning a great deal about the HPV virus this evening. It does seem that it is possible to have it without symptoms. I plan to get checked ASAP. I can't believe it!

In answer to a few questions, no real noticeable change in the bedroom. Perhaps slightly less in the last few months.

I really don't think it was a joke secret santa present, it was rather expensive!

I have reflected on our relationship; there may have been some opportunities last year. I really don't (atleast didn't) think he would sleep with someone else.

Completely agree that he should have told me. Perhaps embarrassed? But still! Because he didn't tell me, I am thinking it is most likely the worst case scenario.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/07/2020 23:53

@LessCumbersome

Simple answer is. If a person is requesting medication for a STD but not telling their sexual partner, why aren't they?
That's a simple question, not a simple answer!
LessCumbersome · 17/07/2020 23:55

I know but... What I meant is , if I got an STD and had nothing to hide, i would tell my partner. No doubt. To not tell them is immoral surely?

There's no good reason not to disclose this information.

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 23:56

I plan to get checked ASAP.

I could be wrong but I think, if you don't have any warts, it's not fully possible to prove you have it or not - be side the virus could be dormant/not active as such. I don't think there's a definitive test for it (though I'm not a sexual health pro so ...)

Regretsy · 17/07/2020 23:57

A nurse told me that hpv is so common that there isn’t a test. If you’ve had sex at all in your life they assume you will have had at least one of the strains, there are hundreds. When you go for an STI test they test for everything but that. This is why women have smear tests regularly, because some strains of hpv can cause cancer so we need to detect them before they cause damage. My understanding is that genital warts come from one of the strains. Also, to make it even more complicated, the length of time the virus can stay in your body can vary massively depending on the strain, your immune system etc. I for example have had a strain that can cause cancer for years now. There is no cure and every time I go to get a smear I am told that my body should get rid of it, but it hasn’t yet. My immune system is pretty good as well. It’s completely undetectable apart from abnormal cells showing up on smear results. This is a long winded way of saying that before confronting your DH you should do lots of research, I believe warts can emerge after a long time of having the virus but don’t quote me on that, as I don’t have the wart strain. I was shocked when I found all this out and really think it should be taught in schools!

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