Friends/family not supportive of me leaving ex

[paris1994]

I'm writing here as I feel I'm going crazy.

Family/friends have witnessed us arguing and they have seen how he ends every row with bad language/throwing something/storming off. Everyone could name 10 reasons why they left someone but ultimately, it was how he uses verbal abuse to hurt me after an argument.

They all say he has a 'bad temper' and he needs anger management or therapy. They say I push him by expecting too much from him. They can't believe I've left someone who loves me so much and is so loyal in every way.

I have never felt so alone.. I'm being looked down on by everyone in my life, even work colleagues. His friends and family are telling to move on from me and he's gone into therapy. So even his family and friends are against me, even they know the things he has said to me.

I'm getting told by everyone "You should hear our arguments, that's life!"

I feel so alone now and confused.

Also just want to add - I agree with @BumbleBeee69 and @Sssloou about the therapist!! Don't get sucked back in!!

And you are only late twenties. I left my ex in my early 30's and a year later met my new partner who is the best. Don't let your perceptions about your age hold you back.

Yeah it's definitely rubbish having no one on my side. No one telling me I did the right thing. Being told I'm an idiot to let him go.
I have always trusted my Mums judgement, she's always been right but this time is the first time I'm having a fall out with her over a break up.
Of course I love him and want him back, we were best friends. So when I tell her that I didn't want to leave but I just had to because I was fed up of the swearing, why can't she understand?
She keeps telling me that I will never find someone perfect, she said you could meet someone a lot worse and you're going to pick something wrong with them.
I've been told not to go on any dating website or any dates in case my ex finds out and he'll be upset. I honestly received that in a text from a family member.

Most of my family and friends are married/in relationships and seem happy I suppose but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

I wonder what their relationships are like that they are so keen to keep you in an unhappy relationship? It sounds to me like they don't want you to have higher standards than the low standards they have for themselves... You are still very young. Ignore the rubbish about "getting on", stay strong and keep your standards high. There is a great guy out there for you.

Except if his fuse is this short and he's yelling and throwing things when really, life isn't that bad... what's it going to be like when you are both shattered with a baby, money is tight or things are stressful because of sick family members etc?

Op, you can dump him for whatever reason you like. In this case, it seems entirely justified and sensible to me but you are in your 20w and don't have kids so frankly, you can dump him if you don't like the underwear he wears if you like.

I'm sorry your friends and family have such low expectations. Have they actually seen his behaviour or do they think you're jurist over playing it?

Except if his fuse is this short and he's yelling and throwing things when really, life isn't that bad... what's it going to be like when you are both shattered with a baby, money is tight or things are stressful because of sick family members etc?

Op, you can dump him for whatever reason you like. In this case, it seems entirely justified and sensible to me but you are in your 20w and don't have kids so frankly, you can dump him if you don't like the underwear he wears if you like.

I'm sorry your friends and family have such low expectations. Have they actually seen his behaviour or do they think you're jurist over playing it?

Like others, I think there must be manipulation going on at some level - even if he were the loveliest man in the world, you wouldn't owe him a relationship so it's just really odd that all your friends and family are so desperate to see you back with him.

But given that they recognise he has a sufficiently bad temper that he should have anger management sessions, it is particularly worrying. And then they put the blame on you saying you should pussyfoot around him and not make him angry. I mean wtf? Do they realise what they are actually saying there? That you should live with this behaviour which obviously distresses you and that you should moderate your behaviour so as not to trigger his ill-tempered outbursts? Which is their thinking on this so backward? And why are they so invested in you having a relationship with him?

It makes no sense at all.

That should say "Why is their thinking..."

I've been told not to go on any dating website or any dates in case my ex finds out and he'll be upset

Jesus H Christ.

OP ... why do you give all these people carte blanche on your life choices ? why do you believe it is okay for them to have these opinions about your life ?
I think you maybe need to speak to someone about your confidence issues and your low self esteem..

A nice sharp “oi mind your own business” would not go amiss here. Or “when I want your advice on how to live my life I’ll ask for it” would be ok too. Seriously screw that - why should you put up with someone so bad tempered? If this is not your first abusive relationship have you thought about the Freedom course?

Hang in there OP you are doing the right thing! It is your life and you deserve to be happy. You do not need anyone else to validate your choice, it is your choice. Just focus forward on what you want to do and what makes you happy and do not listen to those who are not supportive.
and some

I think it's weird that your friends are so invested. If a friend of mine told me they'd split with their partner, I might say "Oh no, can anything be done to salvage it" (if I thought they might get back together) but I certainly wouldn't be telling them they'd made the wrong decision.

People do often project their own issues though. My mum HATED my husband and encouraged me to leave, despite tolerating all kinds of shit from my dad.

This is all sounds absolutely suffocating tbh I don’t understand why these people are so involved in your life that they keep going on about it and piling their opinions in . Fuck that . Think you need to re-evaluate some friendships Tbh as well !!