Why am I in such a state?

[usercryingmessno1]

Me and my partner of six years fell out over the weekend over something ridiculous.
He was already out when it happened and hasn’t been back since, only to pick up clothes.
He has now said that’s it and doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
I feel awful. One minute I’m ok and Trying to be practical and the next can’t stop crying. My heart is racing, I feel sick. I literally feel despair. He won’t talk, just send horrible messages and blames me for everything wrong in his life.
I’m worrying about the house being split, money, just everything.
I just feel a mess and he doesn’t even care.
I also lost my Dad a few weeks ago and was already struggling with that but this feeling is the worst I’ve ever felt .. I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I don’t even want to go to sleep tonight as I know what I’ll be facing tomorrow!!

@timeisnotaline You are absolutely right. I hadn’t even thought of it that way and will definitely use that if I need to so thank you. Can’t believe I missed that!

I think you're amazing OP, very self aware and emotionally intelligent, you're going to be absolutely fine

You will be alright. I can see it in what you write. Your son sounds supportive too. Do cross the road, do a diversion if need be, grab a coffee. Add a few things to the house that you’ve chosen just for you. When my ex left I bought new lamps, duvet covers and music for my bedroom.

Make lists of what you need to seperate. Bills, names on joint contracts etc. I made a list of everything in the house - what was mine, what was his that he needed to shift, what was joint - and what I wanted from the joint list (I made sure he got roughly half the value of the joint stuff so he couldn’t grumble). I also got three valuations done on the house and presented him with that. He was pretty shocked that I was steps ahead of him.

Stay strong. Be proud of strong new you.

Thank you for your lovely comments @Honeyroar and @Hidingtonothing.
Yes, I’m definitely going to try and make this as amicable as possible. He might’ve really hurt me but I don’t want to see him struggle. I want us to be as fair as possible but also want to make sure that me and my son don’t lose out either. Hopefully we will both be grown up enough to be able to do that and at the end of this not have too much bad feeling between us as it won’t be very likely that we run into each other. I just don’t want those five years to have meant nothing and to leave a bad taste If that makes sense?
I’m off to write that list ..
Thank you everyone, you’ve all really helped me this week and I’ve really appreciated all of the advice

OP, so sorry for your loss. Sorry you're having such a rough time. Take it one day at a time. What an utter shit. You deserve someone who would be your rock right now, not someone who adds to your grief. It must make the wound so much bigger. You will be better off without this man, but what a time and a way for him to show you that.

He might’ve really hurt me but I don’t want to see him struggle.

Just remember he's been happy to see you struggle ...

And, btw, we are still in the middle of a pandemic. He is no longer a member of your household and I'm not sure why he feels entitled to meet you there. Could you not arrange a socially distanced meeting at a neutral venue to discuss whatever needs discussing? After which you could pack up all his stuff and have him collect it from outside the house.

Even if you don't think you or any of your family are at risk from the virus you should take some care. He no longer lives with you - you have no idea where he has been or who is is mixing with - don't let him leave you with Covid-19 as a parting gift.

@usercryingmessno1 just to let you know I'm still thinking of you and hoping you get through today amicably - but remember he's the one totally in the wrong and I'd hate to see you blaming yourself - don't try to rationalise any of his behaviour. Hugs to you and good luck today.

Thanks @locked2020 This week and how he’s behaved has shown me that I’m better off without him. If he was so unhappy, he should’ve been man enough to speak out instead he’s been horrid and treated me appallingly this week. I won’t every forget that!

@PerditaProvokesEnmity I’d not even given Coronavirus a thought. We can just sit in the garden though. I’d love to be able to just pack his stuff up and give it to him but we have furniture and all sorts that we will need to split.
I have decided though, after today, if we can sort as much as possible, we will have no contact until he’s found somewhere else and needs to pick his furniture up. When that day comes, I’ll make sure I’m out doing something great that day to take my mind off it. I’m already dreading coming home to a half empty home.

@BBCONEANDTWO Thank you again for your comment and support. The guilt has gone today which I’m pleased about. My emotions are just all over the place. I just have to keep reminding myself of how awful he’s been and I have no reason to feel sorry for him.

I’ll update later ..

Just to update you .. This afternoon went really well. He was here for 6 hours and we spoke about all sorts and got as much sorted as we can at this point. Everything seems amicable and we both agreed that this needed to happen. We didn’t go into detail with everything that was wrong with the relationship, mainly just about moving forward but it hopefully looks as though we will be able to move forward with as little hassle as possible 🤞🏻

It was agreed that we got on so well as friends but just couldn’t live together as we are so different. I am devastated as we’d been together a long time and I love him so much but I really do think this had to happen for both of our sakes.

It is going to take me a long time to get over this but I know in time I’ll be fine. I also know him living on his own needs to happen for him too! I know time is a great healer and it’s going to be hard for quite a while but also see this as a new adventure for me.

Thank you everyone for all of your comments and support

@usercryingmessno1

1st things 1st, you need to change your MN name, you are not a crying mess .

You rock !!!
You're everything I want to be when I finally grow up, best wishes

Thank you @carreterra for such kind comments. Unfortunately I am tonight I’m just feeling so sad. I’m fine one minute and crying my eyes out the next.

I just want the time to hurry up so I can be over feeling like this!

A good outcome all in all. Happy for you!

It will pass but please remember that you must be treated how you deserve next time (however long away that is) you are worth more than his childish actions and you should walk away as soon as the next man shows behaviours that you don't deserve.

Oh I will be @SepticTankYank I can already see what I’ve learnt throughout this relationship. I will be spending a lot of time working on myself so I will never be in this situation again.

Thank you for all of your support

@usercryingmessno1. Glad it went well today I know it still feels very raw to you but you will get through this and come out the other end a happier person.

Glad he's not being an asshole

@usercryingmessno1 just wanted to check in to see how you're feeling? Hope you're feeling much better x

Thank you for thinking of me @BBCONEANDTWO .. I am feeling really, really good thank you.

I went away for a few days to see my Mum and family and it really did do me the world of good.
I was a bit apprehensive coming home to an empty house but I needn’t have worried.

I have odd moments where I think about things we were going to do or places we didn’t get to visit but then I remind myself that I can still do all of those things .. I don’t need him to continue with all of that.

He’s being a bit difficult as I’m keen to push forward and go our separate ways, get his stuff packed up and sort the house out .. But he’s just sending the bare minimum in responses and I’m having to wait ages on a reply on things that we can’t hang around on but if that’s making him feel better, that’s fine as it’s just reminding me that I am so much better off.

After how awful I felt last week, I’m honestly really surprised with how I’ve really pulled myself together this week.

I really do appreciate all of the support you gave me last week. Just reading back the light the comments helped to pull myself back together so thank you 😊

@userycryingmessno1 I'm so glad you are feeling good - that's great news. I think the reason he is holding back and being so awkward is because he may be having second thoughts. Please don't let him back into your life it will be a mistake IMO.

Glad you went to see your mum - mum's the word and love you unconditionally - your ex could never do that.

Hang on in there you're doing great xxxxxx