Dh doesn’t fancy me anymore is there any hope for my marriage ?

[retractionOfaffection]

Been together about 22 years. Things have always been absolutely fine.
To be honest the majority of things are still fine. We don’t argue, he is hard working and helps lots around the house and with dc no complaints there.

It’s very clear though that he doesn’t fancy me anymore. He’s clearly going out of his way to avoid any contact with me in that way. To the point I feel bad if I try to initiate anything as I can tell he is repulsed 😟
He sleeps in the spare room now, says it’s his ‘back’ or something else that’s wrong I can tell he is trying to get through each day and night keeping away from me
It’s hard to explain he’s not doing it in a nasty way it’s like he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings and is making excuses but it’s so obvious now and the more effort I make the more embarrassing it is to be rejected
I’m 99% it’s not someone else as he’s been shielding so here 24/7 before that with work he was never out or away or anything so I don’t think it’s that ? But how can I be sure I suppose it seems unlikely to me though I think 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know what to do nothing else is wrong in the marriage
But this is really hurting my feelings

Wow! Never heard so much sexist nonsense on here.
If a woman loses her sex drive that's totally fine, understandable, it's ok, you tired and stressed etc
If a man loses his sex drive he is cheating, gay, addicted to porn or has a kinky fetish! Wtf

Maybe he just a really nice bloke who has lost his sex drive and is embarrassed and trying to protect his wife feelings.

OP def talk to him and maybe you suggest to him 'have you just lost your sex drive because I understand if you have and we can talk about it"

I guess it depends what you want from your marriage. I would gently suggest you need to think about what you want, ask him what he wants, and see if the two are compatible.

He takes painkillers but regularly? Medication can just drive people down so he could really be tired and with such young kids and lockdown at home, especially shielding he could be stressed or feeling confided. Although you will definitely feel hurt from how he's acting I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're the problem, if it's so awkward face to face can you text him a lengthy text explaining everything how you feel? He might come to you and sit down after reading or simply text back but you'll have an answer.

@deffonamechange

Wow! Never heard so much sexist nonsense on here. If a woman loses her sex drive that's totally fine, understandable, it's ok, you tired and stressed etc If a man loses his sex drive he is cheating, gay, addicted to porn or has a kinky fetish! Wtf

Maybe he just a really nice bloke who has lost his sex drive and is embarrassed and trying to protect his wife feelings.

OP def talk to him and maybe you suggest to him 'have you just lost your sex drive because I understand if you have and we can talk about it"

Twas ever thus on MN.

I don’t fancy my OH at all anymore. It is possible.

So many possible things causing this it is pointless speculating.
He is obviously avoiding addressing it with you but that is only going to make things worse, whatever the reason is.
It is entirely possible it is a temporary thing, circumstancial lots of labido say, or it could be a sign of something deeper.
He might be trying to protect you and the kids from whatever is happening with him, or he could be in denial himself.
Maybe you could write him a letter explaining that you can't live not knowing and that whatever it is you would rather you faced the future with it out in the open so it can be mended/dealt with/ support each other.
I recommend checking out the book I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You by Andrew G Marshall. It describes how the stages of love and life can effect your relationship but also shows a way back if things have derailed at any stage. So if things can be salvaged there is good advice out there which can show the way.
Good luck op

It could be erectile distinction that he is embarrassed to talk to you about. Perhaps he's just hoping in time it will go away. Obviously we don't know what it is but if I were you I would talk to him about it and don't take vague ends about his back as an answer.

Its sad that the reason many people believe is cheating. His behaviour does not always mean this. It could be something specific. I think if he knew how awful he's making you feel then he should be honest with you. Be completely honest about how this is making you feel and how you want to help him with whatever the issue is as you both are a team and you are in this together. This lockdown has hit everyone hard in so many ways mentally. It made me detach slightly from my family and I've always been extremely close to them. Talk to him OP

Maybe the OP is right and he just doesn’t fancy her anymore. I knew when my DH stopped fancying me. I could just tell. Eventually he admitted it and that was that.

I think you’re right to keep pushing.

Do you have any opportunity to be together alone to talk about it openly away from the house? Maybe in the car or walking so you’re side by side and it’s easier for him to speak about what is wrong?

Isn't it normal to no longer fancy your OH after 20+ years?

There are two alternatives that come to mind. The first is ED and stress surrounding that. Has he shown any signs of it in the past? The second is anger, any chance he’s secretly pissed off with you? On the rare occasion I’ve been very criss with DH I’ve found him completely repulsive (I’m normally all over him).

Oh, thought if a third. Could it be health anxiety? Maybe he’s scared of catching Covid from you.

Apparently not @coronaway