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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally Neglected by Parents?

33 replies

AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree · 14/07/2020 16:22

Hi all

Was anyone else emotionally neglected by their parents/caregivers as a child and is now suffering with the long term issues this has presented as an adult?

I’ve been reading lots into this topic for the last couple of years while I’ve been coming to terms with it all, but I was wondering if anyone else has any similar experiences that they are willing/happy to share?

I grew up with my mum, dad, older sister and younger brother and from the outside looking in I’m sure we looked like the perfect family ‘unit’ - my dad had a well paid job working Monday-Friday and my mum stayed at home to run the house. We lived in a nice house, were well fed, well clothed, holidayed once a year and didn’t really want for anything materialistically at all.

The problems I face now as an adult have stemmed from the emotionally lacking side of my childhood instead of physical neglect, specifically where my mum was concerned.

My mum was always ‘there’ in the house with us, but she was never present or engaged in us as children at all. She never spoke to us other than to state that dinner was on the table or it was time to go to bed etc. She never had a conversation with us. She never asked about our days or how we were. She never played with us. She never hugged, cuddled, kissed or showed any sort of physical affection towards us. She was just there, in the same house as us, silently cooking or cleaning or staring into space drinking a cup of tea.

I don’t have a single happy memory of her. She barely even features in my childhood memories as she was so distant and disengaged the entire time. All I remember is so desperately craving love and attention from her, until I became a teenager and then my strategy shifted to rebelling against her to try and force some love and attention out of her that way.

As an adult I am now having to live with the effects of my emotionally neglected childhood. I have very low self esteem and confidence, depend much too heavily on others for my self validation/happiness, cling to anyone that shows me love and affection (this has resulted in having toxic partners, very intense female friendships, etc) and I now have uncontrollable resentment towards my mum.

I understand that my mum was probably going through things herself (PND has been discussed with my dad, so I don’t think she ever really ‘bonded’ with us as she should have), but I’m really struggling to mange the uncontrollable resentment I feel towards her now.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/07/2020 17:04

Pretty much the same here OP.

Father worked full time, but was pretty much absentee because he spent most of his free time in the pub. He wasn't abusive when he was around, but he was constantly in hot water with my mother because of his drinking, so he wouldn't stand up to her even though he was the more rational and even-handed of the two, and often made it clear to me in private that he felt my mother was being unreasonable. He still deferred to her though.

My Mother. Jeez, where to start?

I acknowledge things were not easy for her because of my father's alcoholism, and she suffered horrendous PND after my own birth and that of my mush younger sibling, however, she never made any attempt to hide the fact that my sibling was the golden child, much favoured, and could do no wrong.

My mother had a default setting of 'no to every request', and if you had the temerity to state that you were hungry, thirsty etc, it was commonplace to receive a volley of abuse in return about what a spoiled, moaning-faced brat you were. I quickly learned not to expect anything from my mother. Not just in terms of asking for things the way children do, toys, clothes, trips to places, outings etc, but also simple basics like asking if I could have a drink, a sandwich, go out to play, make a telephone call etc. She used to give my father a rundown on all my supposed transgressions that day, and to be honest, it was nothing more than a pathetic stream of petty gripes about things that are perfectly normal for a child. There was no give-and-take with her, everything was absolutes. Later, once I hit my teens, I had to listen to the various proclamations about how each of my friends was obviously a trouble-maker (untrue), how if I was out at 8pm I was clearly up to no good (again, untrue), and if I happened to have done something that she felt was particularly egregious, such as waiting until the house was empty to make a telephone call in peace, I'd have her sticking her own face within an inch of mine, before she proceeded to belt me open-handed around the side of the head several times. She stopped this once I grew up at 15-16 and towered over her.

Just like your own mother, I got no warmth, no encouragement, she never had the slightest interest in anything I was doing, my school work, hobbies, interests etc, unless of course there was something negative to report, in which case all hell broke loose, I was treated like a Nazi war criminal, and I'd get all sorts of restrictions put in place such as no going out, being told I was an embarrassment etc etc. This could be as simple as something like putting a used teaspoon in the sink, something my father and sibling did all the time, but that was apparently permitted for them.

She used to tell me things like men who had pierced ears were secretly homosexual and that I shouldn't befriend them, the city I wanted to move to was the AIDS capital of Europe (yes mum, I'm going there for the express purpose of contracting HIV), and that my friends were 'spoiled' and their parents 'weird' because they did things like take them to sports clubs, pick them up from train stations etc.

There was no consistency with her. I got screamed at and thumped for things that my Father and sibling did routinely that went without acknowledgement. She'd complain I was at home constantly, then complain that when I went out I was never at home. She'd invite people around the house, then sit in front of me and give them a run down of everything I'd done wrong recently, all my faults and bad habits, etc. Apparently ritual humiliation was supposed to teach me something, even though 99% of what she was complaining about was either completely overblown or untrue entirely.

I don't recall a single occasion in which I can remember her offering me a cuddle, a ruffle of the hair, or anything that you could describe as warmth or affection. Fortunately I had a godparent who was the polar opposite of my mother, so while it was a relief to stay with them from time to time, it also served to show me just how abnormal my own parents were. Once I met my ex-spouse I was utterly astonished at how close, supportive, and interested their parents were, and they were forever more of source of parental support that my own pair ever were.

I too feel absolutely nothing for my mother, even after the death of my father a few years ago. She has never at any point in her life provided me with any support beyond clothing me (usually in second-hand cast offs), feeding me (with the cheapest, nastiest crap going), and housing me (in freezing cold building sites miles away from any of my friends, my school, or anything a child would be interested in).

I don't feel guilty about it any more, even though I did used to get upset about it years ago. She's not the sort of person I'd usually choose to spend any time with in any case, so I just consider her an acquaintance that I don't have anything in common with rather than a close family member. My sibling says that she has somewhat redeemed herself since they had children, and seemingly she goes over and above as a Grandmother, but to be honest, I couldn't care less. I do not need a mother now, I'm old enough and gnarled enough to look after myself. I needed her when I was a child, adolescent, and young adult, and she spectacularly let me down in that regard, so I couldn't care less what she's about these days.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/07/2020 17:19

Oh, and I stopped asking friends around our family home because they all picked up on how weird my parents were. I'd go to their house, I'd get welcomed at the door by mum or dad, asked how I was, invited in, handed drinks, biscuits etc. If we were going somewhere mum or dad would give us a lift, I'd get waved off at the door.

If someone came to mine and my mother or father answered the door, they'd get left standing on the doorstep until I went to let them in, and then they'd be completely ignored for the entire duration they were in the house, expected never to set foot outside of my bedroom, no hospitality (I'd get screamed at if I was caught making them a drink), and they'd be totally ignored again upon leaving.

There's a significant gap between me and my sibling, and my mother simply couldn't accept that we couldn't thole each other and she used to force us to 'play' together. She'd kick us out into the garden in freezing weather and lock the door behind us, leave us out there for hours, then give us a death stare and tell us we were being ridiculous if we complained about being cold, thirsty, hungry etc. She also used to ignore the fact that we'd fight like cat and dog when you put us together, except for laying into me because I was the eldest and 'I ought to know better'. This was usually after my sibling had barged into my room and destroyed or stolen my property, but no, I was in the wrong apparently.

I moved out of the family home at 16 because of desperation to get away from her. I bumbed around on friends couches and had literally nothing to my name, yet she's never once said that she recalls this as being odd, or even that she's given it any thought. Nor has she ever acknowledged that she used to beat me around the head when she was angry, so as far as I'm concerned, when people have said to me that I should bury the hatchet, I simply respond that I am not and never have been the one wielding the hatchet, so if there's ever to be a reconciliation, it should start with my mother owning up to her violence, admitting she was a useless parent, and offering an apology. It will never happen though because she's either oblivious, or pretends that my childhood simply wasn't like this.

She's civil to my face now, and to her credit, she has helped me out a few times as an adult, but I'm sorry, that's not enough to make up for 20 years of being utterly hopeless when I actually needed her.

DDIJ · 14/07/2020 17:23

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GreenTulips · 14/07/2020 17:26

I think a lot of parents were like this with children.

Quite normal for the time.

I think it’s only recently parents talk to and include their children which can have problems as well.

LessCumbersome · 14/07/2020 17:29

My childhood was very abusive, there was another thread that I responded to recently but I will try to focus on the emotional neglect from my mother.

My mum is similar to yours, I never got spoken to. There was certain rules like I was allowed in the living room until 8pm, then I ( and my siblings,) would vacate and she would watch TV then ( she would read in her room until that point). I am one of four sisters and she did get on with and like my sister's more than me ( I was the youngest).

She only went to parents night if I promised that she wasn't going to hear anything bad as she "couldn't be bothered trying to defend me". I also had to do extra housework in return for her going to the school.

There are a thousand examples I could give like that she didn't even write my birthday card the one time I remember getting one, she couldn't find a pen. It's funny , she did much worse than this, but this one always stuck.

I got a ham sandwich and a strawberry yoghurt every single day for about eight years for my dinner. On a plate, in the fridge. This is so she didn't have to make/ sit with us for dinner .

She always took everyones side that said anything about me, I dreaded her knowing anything about me as I knew I would always be critisised .

I'm trying to not get too dark with this thread but it wasn't a good childhood at all. There's so many sides and aspects to this type of neglect that is difficult to quantify.

I don't have a relationship with her any more. It took a lot for me to walk away though and it was very hard. My abuse was over an above just emotional so.... my experiences may not be the type you need understanding with.

I have abandonment issues, this is my main problem. I have been in abusive, controlling relationships in the past. I've had problems setting boundaries, problems being a people pleaser. I've only recently started to be able to cope with certain triggers. Counselling has helped me massively though although I will never feel normal I do feel accepting of myself.

I consider my mum to be narcissistic. I took years coming to this realisation and it helps me because I know it wasn't my fault and she will never change.

I'm sorry for your experiences.

DDIJ · 14/07/2020 17:31

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DDIJ · 14/07/2020 17:32

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XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/07/2020 17:39

@DDIJ

My spouse is exactly the same age as me, our parents within a year of each other, and they had nothing like the childhood I did.

While it's true what @GreenTulips says about a lot of parents being like this in the 70's and 80's, it certainly wasn't the norm. None of my friends' parents were like this at the time, none of my aunts and uncles treated my cousins like this, and all of the people I know know who are the same age as I am think my parents were odd and had childhoods similar to my spouse/cousins.

I know it wasn't unique to have aloof, indifferent parents, but I don't think parents like that were ever the norm or the majority.

AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree · 14/07/2020 17:41

@XDownwiththissortofthingX wow thank you for that, I really appreciate you taking the time to provide such a detailed response. I find reading/hearing about others experiences helps me to understand my own more and highlights different issues that I hadn’t even thought of as being part of the problem before.

My dad also worked full time and then spent lots of his free time out with his friends. He was a good dad when he was around (loved taking us on days out and spending money and time on us) and every single happy childhood memory I have involves him, but he was also heavily ‘under the thumb’ of my mum and would bend over backwards to keep her ‘happy’, even if that meant going against his own judgement.

My mum also had the default setting of saying ‘no’ to any request that we dared to ask for - we were always ‘spoilt and ungrateful’, even for the mere suggestion that we weren’t full after dinner, wanted a friend round or needed a new piece of school uniform etc. I too soon learned to never ask for anything and can remember the pure amazement of seeing my friends interact with their parents so openly and freely without any fear or judgement, requesting all sorts. This all came to a head when I reached puberty and I was too scared/ashamed to ask her for pads/tampons, so for years I just used toilet paper and the odd sock in times of desperate need until I had a job and could afford to buy them myself. The thought of going through that for years still upsets me to this day.

I’m looking forward to the day that I too can say I no longer feel any guilt for the lack of interest I have in her and her life now! That bit is still a work in progress.

Does it affect your friendships as an adult at all? I find myself latching onto female friendships and think I’m probably trying to replace the connection/relationship that I have always felt is lacking from her.

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 14/07/2020 17:44

@GreenTulips

I disagree

I think there's a big difference being a more reserved/ hands off parent and an emotionally neglectful one. Even in the 70s ( and before that I imagine) it was still instinctive to love and protect your children, even if you did this in quiet ways it was still done. Emotionally neglectful parents are not acting in healthy ways.

And I don't think saying talking to children also causes problems is actually being fair to what this thread is saying. It's quite dismissive.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/07/2020 17:49

@AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree

Does it affect your friendships as an adult at all? I find myself latching onto female friendships and think I’m probably trying to replace the connection/relationship that I have always felt is lacking from her

If I'm being honest, it probably has had an impact on adult friendships. I'm autistic and tend to prefer my own company anyway, but I don't go out of my way to either make or keep freindships, partly because I find other people whimsical and irrational, and I don't have the patience to deal with that, but also because I don't feel I actually require anything from friendships because I've been largely independent since my adolescence.

Part of me not having friends is down to the ASD, being introverted, and not particularly enjoying being in others' company for extended periods, but I think a part of it is also just that I see other people as being human beings who will inevitably let me down at some point, so I'd just rather not bother with them in the first place.

I know that not all people are like this. I've met some lovely, caring, unconditional people as an adult, and I've seen what my spouses parents are like in terms of support etc, so I know the 'problem' is with me and not other people, but I can't help feeling how I do. I don't really regret not having a larger circle of friends if I'm being truthful, because I don't really see how they'd bring anything into my life that I'm either lacking currently, or would want in the first place.

FWIW my mother is not autistic, but her own mother was profoundly so. My mother was not a narcissist either. My Paternal grandmother was a psychopathic narcissist, so I'm familiar with narcissism, and that's not my mother.

AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree · 14/07/2020 17:51

@XDownwiththissortofthingX again, your second post resonates with me so much too so thank you! I also stopped inviting friends round as we got a bit older and the differences between mine and theirs became obvious. They too would get left standing at the front door until I answered it, completely ignored, never offered a drink or snack/dinner and just generally made to feel unwelcome. It became unbearable for me as my friends parents would invite me out with them, include me in family meals if I was there, speak to me, offer to drop me home etc and I was embarrassed that they didn’t get the same treatment at ours. If I dared to make them a drink of orange squash I would be glared at and then as soon as they’d gone home told that we’re not a ‘charity’ and to keep out of the kitchen with my ‘awkward’ friends next time.

I too moved out of home ASAP at age 17 and have never looked back or returned. My sister is pretty much NC with her now but I haven’t quite made that step yet but I’m getting there slowly!

Thanks again for sharing your experiences - it sounds like our mums were cut from the same ‘cloth’ as it were and it’s nice to be able to discuss it with someone who truly understands just how damaging all of this was/is without being physical abuse/neglect.

Flowers
OP posts:
TellingBone · 14/07/2020 17:53

@GreenTulips

I think a lot of parents were like this with children.

Quite normal for the time.

I think it’s only recently parents talk to and include their children which can have problems as well.

Yes, it's how I was brought up. And as you say, not unusual at that time - I don't recall noticing anything different when I visited my friends' homes. Parents would have been embarrassed to hug us! I didn't feel 'unloved' - just never thought about it really. It was...normal. My Dad became 'huggy' in his later years though I must say.

Funnily enough I was the opposite with my own child - it just seemed natural to me and I suppose people in general had started becoming more openly affectionate by then.

All that is not to detract from your experience of course OP, but it might be some comfort to know that a lot of us came through okay.

AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree · 14/07/2020 17:58

@DDIJ thanks for your response, even just hearing from you is massively helpful and I too am sorry that you went through similar experiences.

I don’t have any DC and have vowed that I never will - purely because I don’t trust myself to not put them through what I went through.

Flowers
OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/07/2020 18:14

@AppleDoesntFallFarFromTheTree

it sounds like our mums were cut from the same ‘cloth’ as it were and it’s nice to be able to discuss it with someone who truly understands just how damaging all of this was/is without being physical abuse/neglect

I don't think it's really my place to tell you how to feel, but as far as I'm concerned my mother's neglectful behaviour certainly meets what I'd describe as 'abuse'.

Ok, it's not the sort of 'lock you in a cupboard and starve you' type of horrific neglect you hear about in the most infamous cases, but it's still a colossal failure to provide for and meet the emotional needs of your child.

My father was empathetic and warm, he 'got it' as far as kids went despite his own horrendously abusive mother. He was cursed with alcoholism though and never fully conquered it until near the time that I left home for good. My mother simply wasn't capable of meeting the needs of her children. She was less neglectful with my sibling, as they were a bit younger so escaped the violence and verbal abuse that I received, but even then she still indulged in most of the same behaviours with them that she did with me.

I think I know what you feel by not labelling it as 'abuse', because I always used to think that in order to be 'abused' you had to be thrashed regularly, starved, sexually assaulted, and so on. That's not the case. It was only a few years ago during a conversation with my sibling that I finally realised that my parents' neglect WAS indeed a form of abuse.

Once I accepted this, it was like a light switching on inside my head, and I stopped wondering just how it was that I must have been deficient as a child, and what exactly I'd done to 'deserve' being treated like that by my mother. I realise now that I did absolutely nothing wrong. The problem is entirely hers, which is why I don't let it torment me like it used to.

LessCumbersome · 14/07/2020 18:28

Nobody gets through emotional abuse unscathed. It goes against everything it is to be human to be completely ignored and invalidated by your protector in the world. Emotional abuse is not a lack of hugs FFS.

JulyBreeze · 14/07/2020 18:37

So sad to read your accounts, I'm so sorry your childhoods were like that.

Are you all aware of the "But we took you to stately homes!" threads on here, about people still trying to cope / come to terms with abusive and neglectful parents?

woollyheart · 14/07/2020 18:38

Although parenting at that time probably was a bit more formal and strict then, I agree that your experience was not typical. I simply think that a lot of women became stay at home parents but were totally unsuited to the job. Possibly PND might have meant that things started badly, but most women with PND recovered eventually and became loving mothers. It sounds as if your mother just hated being stuck at home being a housewife and mother, and took no pleasure in her children's development.

Not all people have the patience, enthusiasm, warmth and judgement to be exceptional parents.

comingintomyown · 15/07/2020 10:21

There is some ground to occupy between acceptable and exceptional parenting though.
My parents were divorced I had mostly just two weeks each summer with my father. My mother wasn’t in any way cruel or nasty as has been described, probably the easiest word to sum her up is indifferent which may not sound too bad but has cast a shadow on me. She never made any attempt to soften things or consider my feelings, an example is when we moved to another part of the country between primary and secondary school and also from a large house with a huge garden to a tiny terrace with no garden by a busy road. I must have been looking sullen at the house viewing and she just said it’s no good having a face like that this is the ways things are. Even in the mid 70’s when children just did as they were told you would have thought she could have said a sentence or two more eg I know this is a big change but everything will be ok type thing.
I had psychotherapy a few years ago and as far as that therapist was concerned my emotional difficulties could be traced back to her . I resisted this idea at first because I was fed and watered and not beaten so why should I have been unduly affected by her I reasoned ? Anyway it was a difficult time processing and dealing with my past with her but it was so very very helpful.
These days I probably brood over her and her shortcomings for a week or two and then forget about it, we get on well enough and I accept she is how she is and make the best of the nice qualities she does have.
This has been made easier by the fact she lives abroad and has done for many years so I never had to have much contact when I haven’t wanted to. Actually that’s another example how she told me she was leaving the UK, it was never talked about and one day I received a letter saying her house was sold and in six weeks time they were moving abroad , if I wanted anything from the house I should come down and get it. Yes her life blah blah but it never occurred to her that might be a bit of a shock to me. Further to that these last six years she’s decided she has no interest in coming to the UK no actual announcement but just evasive to begin with when asked when she was next coming segueing into statements about being too old to travel. This is a woman who walks miles over hilly terrain every day is fit as a flea and medication free now in her mid 70’s with plenty of money. The simple fact is she doesn’t want the hassle of travel and never mind her children and grand children in the UK her stance is if people want to see me they are very welcome to visit. I will give that she IS very welcoming and hospitable !
I do think having her as one parent and my father who was absolutely dreadful overall has had an enormous impact on my life and the tendrils from it have crept into so many areas. I do need to take responsibility myself for the numerous mistakes and poor decisions I have made in my life but I do wonder if with just a little shown love and affection growing up I might have turned out differently.

pallasathena · 15/07/2020 11:05

There's an assumption in society that mothers should be perfect. And when it's discovered that in fact they're not: they're human, they're frail, they suffer themselves from their own inner demons and cannot, ever, fulfil society's expectations of physical, emotional, economic perfection...it is then that blame is apportioned.
And it's apportioned to each and every generation of women/mothers.
One day, it will be the turn of todays young mothers.
In twenty or thirty years time, your children will be looking back in anger and finding you wanting too because how dare you not be perfect.

Perfectstorm12 · 15/07/2020 11:25

But I don't think being abusive and neglectful is the same as being imperfect. Our imperfection as human beings and our willingness to look at our faults and not project them onto our children is a world away from trying to 'be perfect'. Also, sometimes blame needs to be put where it rightly deserves to be, when a child suffers trauma due to parenting.

Mittens030869 · 15/07/2020 11:31

I do relate, OP. Although I know my DM did love us, she just wasn't good at showing it. She used to look after us when we weren't well, but otherwise her love for us made her react on anger when we got things wrong. She was also a workaholic, and relied on au pairs. So yes, there was emotional neglect, but it was more because of her not being involved rather than ignoring us.

She had a work extension at home, so she kept getting interrupted by work issues, which would mean that she was at home but was concentrating on her work. (She and our F were directors of a language school for foreign students.

The consequence in our case was more extreme. My F was at home much more than our DM so he was in many ways our primary carer. My DM thought he was a very loving father, but he was actually sexually abusing my DSis and me and allowing others to do so, too. My DB was abused, too, but not by him. We weren't able to tell my DM, as she never connected with us on an emotional level. She was devastated when we told her a few years ago, and now she's 80 years old and bursts into tears if we ever mention it.

I accept that she didn't know, but I blame her for not being the kind of mum who we could have told. This came to the surface when I discovered that our DD2 (8) was being groomed online. I found out because she told me.

I accept, though, that my DM is like this because she was orphaned at 10 and then abused by the uncle who became her guardian. I can also see now that she was also a victim of coercive control; my F was paranoid that she was cheating on him (oh the irony), and he was emotionally abusive, and used his Parkinson's Disease to guilt trip her.

It helps to understand. I've seen this after years of therapy for my complex PTSD. My DB is permanently damaged as a result of the childhood abuse whereas my DSis and I have created lives for ourselves, though it's taken a toll on my body and I have CFS.

I can really recommend therapy, OP. It helps to process your anger and pain, and to understand that you're justified in feeling how you do. ThanksThanks

LessCumbersome · 15/07/2020 11:32

Some people just don't get it. Emotional neglect is not caused by mother's ( or father's) being imperfect. Imperfect mother's mess up some of the time, but care enough to make things right. Imperfect mother's shout, or lose their temper, it say mean things in a moment of anger. Abusive parents, emotionally abusive parents cause damage to their children by systematically instilling long term neglect of emotional needs. There is no care or love in them. They don't have the capacity.

If you don't understand this , then good, I'm glad. Be grateful for your naivete. But you have no place commenting on this thread, or judging people that do understand it.

Mittens030869 · 15/07/2020 11:32

And yes, I also recommend the 'Stately Homes' thread, I've been on there at various times and found it very helpful.

pallasathena · 15/07/2020 12:24

I'm not judging @lesscumbersome, I'm just making an observation.
Do I have to have your permission?
Do I 'dare', to express myself if it is at odds with your experience?
I respect your experience why can't you respect mine?
Is this the cancel culture we live in or do we still participate in a free and democratic society?

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