Intimacy/deep connection exists?!

[IvyMayaZ]

Had a conversation with a friend today that made me think about connection / intimacy

How many people actually have that intimate moments in their life - starting into each other eyes, slow deep kissing, cuddling at nights naked with music in the background
Obviously not something that is happening daily...but do you ever do that?
I never had that in a relationship while my friend said she had it with most partners.. I usually just thought it’s teenagers and movies... Or very beginnings of relationships...

Even after 28 yrs DH still likes to play certain music for us to have a smooch to.

Sounds lovely! Sadly I've not experienced any of that with my DH 😭.

Yes I have all that with the guy I'm seeing.

I've had it once. The intensity was amazing. But unfortunately he was completely unhinged and it didnt last.

How many people actually have that intimate moments in their life - starting into each other eyes, slow deep kissing, cuddling at nights naked with music in the background

Not me. It doesn't sound like anything that I enjoy. Too romantic for me, not my taste. I still feel intimacy with DH (and used to with my ex) but slow deep kissing and music would irritate the hell out of me.

Ah I feel so sad for all of you who want that but don't have it, it's lovely if that's your thing.

I've had it a few times in the early days of relationships when I was really young, didn't have it at all with my husband for the last decade. Left him and have never had such a deep, intimate connection than with the person I'm seeing now. It is early days but we are late 30/early 40s and he's proper soppy. It's wonderful and makes me tingle

Thank you all for reply... its good to know it exists. I am hoping to find man like that one day

Often have it with DH despite a young DS

MDMA is excellent for this and was used in therapy for this purpose until it was banned for its potential as a recreational drug.

Had that with my ex but he didn’t want to marry me or have kids so we broke up.

We were very “Normal People” like.

I’ve not so far met anyone with whom I’ve had that sort of connection since but now I’ve had a taste of it I won’t settle for anything less, it’s phenomenal when it’s good!

@WombOfOnesOwn

What a brilliant fact!

DH and I have lots of moments like that. He plays me songs that made him think of me. We’re very tactile and touch regularly like holding hands in the car.

He does a million tiny but hugely meaningful gestures throughout the day like filling the kettle and putting a tea bag in my cup when he knows it’s my usual tea break time. In return I heat up his coffee cup in the morning because I get up earlier than him.

All of these little things give us a very deep and intimate relationship. I cherish it.

Yes, with my ex partners I have, not with ONS.

As with a pp, I experienced the intensity with someone who later turned out to be rather unhinged! Interestingly I wasn't entirely compos mentis at the time myself.... 🤨
So when I think back about that particular relationship, it gives me the shudders. But not in a good way. We were both struggling perhaps and latched on to each other with the intensity of drowning people grabbing a life raft. Not something that I would ever want to repeat, even if I wasn't past all that. Which I am thankfully! 😊

@WombOfOnesOwn

I watched a programme on Netflix about America's war on drugs and it showed MDMA being used to treat PTSD , I believe the original intent of the drug was for therapeutic use. Then the club's got hold of it and it was classified. Shame.

@Margotshypotheticaldog that sounds like a very similar experience to mine. I'm almost certain he had Borderline Personality Disorder. Intense it was. And then scarily intense. And then over in a flash. On valentines day. Thanks, pal!

I have this now but it is not unhinged or creepy. I haven’t really had it before so I am enjoying it. It doesn’t really feel that intense it feels relaxing and comforting

I had this in the early days with xh. Looking back now, the intensity was largely due to both of our codependency issues. I think it does exist in a healthy way, but taken too far it can be driven by wanting to escape from reality

Interestingly, I'll join previous posters in saying I had that incredible intensity and connection only once, in a relationship that was utterly utterly wrong. It ended in tears for both.

@WombOfOnesOwn

MDMA is excellent for this and was used in therapy for this purpose until it was banned for its potential as a recreational drug.

I've had it with several partners.

Interestingly, I didn't gain this with DP until infidelity came to light. It was like something was holding the relationship back, and then the flood gates opened.
We worked through the cheating in a very intense way. It created a much stronger understanding of eachother and we have ended up so close as a result of it. Now pretty much every day begins and ends with real intimacy.

Only had this once with who I am currently seeing. It was all very natural and unexpected - feels comforting rather than intense.

Had this at times with recent dp now ex. Lovely emotionally connected sex but strangely he's disappeared again cos he can't really handle emotional connection in a bigger way in a relationship. It blows hot and cold. I'm exhausted and very sad. Didn't think I'd have sex like that again. Now fear I won't again. It was so lovely.

@MizMoonshine
Could of written this word For word!

I think these happen more at the start of relationships, don't they? Don't get me wrong - of course you can still have romance and intimacy in long term relationships. It's just that I don't know any couples who've been together for many years who sit there gazing in to each other's eyes or snogging for hours.