Intimacy/deep connection exists?!

[IvyMayaZ]

Had a conversation with a friend today that made me think about connection / intimacy

How many people actually have that intimate moments in their life - starting into each other eyes, slow deep kissing, cuddling at nights naked with music in the background
Obviously not something that is happening daily...but do you ever do that?
I never had that in a relationship while my friend said she had it with most partners.. I usually just thought it’s teenagers and movies... Or very beginnings of relationships...

This is definitely a post orgasmic chill thing for me. It's not love, just a path marker on the road to infatuation.

I've only had it once, with my most recent husband. We were very 'connected' at all levels; emotionally, intellectually, physically, and we could spend ages just sitting, hand in hand or touching, we'd do the 'eyes meet and laugh' thing that you only see in films.

Didn't stop him upping and leaving me though, so I guess it's not always real for some people.

With my ex, no, not at all (18 years). With my current partner definitely. We often just lay cuddling, kiss deeply, stroke each others back/arm/hair etc. Its what I've wanted all my life and we still do it a year in. I hope it never stops.

I have had that with partners but a very long time ago eg student days. I wouldn’t have the time these days to loll about naked nor would I be relaxed enough to enjoy it eg listening out for the dc. It’s definitely achievable if you are both into it. Hats off to people who can sustain it in long term relationships.

I have this now and am in my 50's - didn't believe it existed except in films. The way he holds my hand, gives it a gentle squeeze and looks me in the eye and tells me he loves me. When he leaves for work we hug like he's going away for a v long time. He is my other half and without him I'm not whole, as corny as it sounds!

Aw @Namechanged67 when did you meet him? And how? Give me some hope having been dumped again at 46. I'm so sad to have lost this.

17 months in and late 50s, yes we have this. We fit like gloves and are soppy as teenagers. Extraordinary to my mind

@peppermintteadrinker - met him 16mths ago on POF! You have to be prepared to do a lot of dating to sift thro the fakers. I wasted time giving some too many chances and/or waiting to see if anything would develop. With my OH it was instant spark and attraction, plenty of banter, silly, soppy and serious. You might meet 'the one' sooner but it took me 3yrs! I should have been more selective in hindsight.

Thanks @Namechanged67 and happy for you too @TigerDater. Thought I had found mine. Was wrong. Anyway, don't want to drag everyone into my pity party. Good to hear others have managed it.

I was friends with mine initially so I think the intimacy grew from that we met OLD and I have also kissed plenty of frogs. We didn’t start of sexually

We don’t really send each other soppy texts, we have fun. And when we are together we are very tactile and he likes to stroke my arms until I fall asleep and he likes to look in my eyes a lot and tell me I make him happy. And I like making him happy

The positive stories here give me some hope.

Can I ask something of those who have found lasting intimacy and closeness with someone?

Did relationships always come naturally to you?
Did you (effectively) have lots of people to choose from over the years?

I'm asking because I've never been someone who really, closely gels with many people. A select few, yes, and for life ... generally. I think it must be easier if you are socially very blessed because then more people come into your close circle.

Yeah I think I am naturally an intimate person - sometimes too much so, that I have ended up very hurt in the past
I don’t know if things will be long or forever lasting though it’s a risk you take