Very long time lurker, first post. I never thought this would happen to me. I've read so many like that on here, well here I am.
I'll try not to drip feed, also apologies if I get anything messed up - I'm still shaking.
I've been married for 24 years with DD 22 and DS 30 - to what I thought was a great husband. You know the usual story, does more than his fair share around the house etc. I have my own business and am also the only earner (he does some admin for me which I pay him for). We both work from home (long before Covid) and have our own rooms (offices) in the house.
My spidey senses have been tingling for a while, he's been secretive with his phone, always wants to be in his office ‘sorting emails’ etc. just generally more secretive and vague about how he spends his time. So, Friday night we were watching TV having a drink, when he checked his phone, I just happened to look over (he was a bit drunk so wasn’t really hiding it) and I noticed a list of messages, just plain white and text which I had never seen before. It wasn’t gmail which he uses it was different. When I asked what it was, he said nothing and hid it quickly. I left it but it has been on my mind all weekend.
This morning when I woke up he was already awake and on his phone, then he went downstairs to feed the cat and make coffee, so I had a look at his phone and there it all was.
It was protonmail and he had been sending messages to a sex cam worker on pornhub live. I read them all and sent copies to myself (thank you mumsnet). I went downstairs and confronted him, he just said the old line ‘I was just talking to someone’ ffs
I’m fairly tech savvy, so I made him give me all of his passwords to his pc, bank, credit card, PayPal, pornhub, onlyfans, everything. I’ve changed the passwords and email addresses to his sex sites and protonmail, so only I can access them. Ive spent the last few hours going through everything and I am destroyed. It’s so pathetic, he created an online persona to talk with these women, he said that he was worth millions, not married, no kids ffs its sad and pathetic and of course they’ve started asking for money. I’ve looked through his purchase history on these sites and he has spent over 5 grand in 4 months and its my fucking money that I give him. While I have been worrying about money (we just bought a house in April) he’s been paying these women for sex acts and what’s even more fucking hilarious is that we don’t have sex that often (even though I very much want to) as he is unable to get an erection. He even told me that he doesn’t masturbate that much with these women because of his erection problems. He just likes to watch, I’m so fucking angry.
It’s most definitely over, without a shadow of a doubt. I just need some help doing that. Our lives and finances are so intertwined, I don’t know where to start. I desperately want to kick him the fuck out right now, but I’ll have to wait for him to find somewhere (no family or friends near by). What do I do next?