A bit personal

[cheeseburger2020]

I apologise in advance about this but I'm literally desperate for advice . I have been with my fiancé for ten years . We met mid twenties . He was early twenties . He's a very shy person so I can see how getting a girlfriend or any sexual encounters would be pretty hard for him to get all them years ago . He used to tell me in the 1st few weeks about ex's ect but I shortly found out later he lied about every single one of them . Didn't judge him tho because obviously he just didn't want to admit it . He told me he had had sex before . I believed him until we actually had sex . It was awful . It went in out in and he pulled out really quick and finished everywhere ! He was really embarrassed got up dressed and stormed out of the bedroom . He apologised and we tried again a few hours after . Last a little
Longer but prob in total about 3 mins . Now he has never last that long at all. Unless when he has drank too much and he goes on and on 😂 we have never had a session last longer than 10 mins. I don't know why but I don't think it bothered me at all but now this last year I'm cracking up. Literally he will put it in and a few seconds later constantly stops saying he's too close . He then goes again for about a minute and it's all over because he's finished . He gets pissed off with it lately. But won't see a doctor. I don't even want sex no more because it's pointless. He always asks if I enjoyed it and I say yes but he must be mad because no way could I enjoy it in literally a minute! He hasn't got a high sex drive prob once a week I have and would want it a few times a night ha ha never get it tho lol . I have asked him to go to the doctors but he gets pretty defensive and says no . Does anyone know if any medical reasons can cause this ? Thankyou

Does he ever make you cum? Don't marry him if he doesn't

I could practically count on my fingers how many times he has . He also won't do anything exciting in bed . No toys ! Because he said he feels like I will prefere them to him . Also won't go down there if you know what I mean 😂 because he thinks he's shit so no point !

I have mentioned to him a few times lately we need to slice things up and it seems to just made him angry

it all sounds a bit clinical OP. Sex is just sex when it's nothing more than physical gratification but its lovemaking when there's passion and mutual regard.
Suggest you try a bit of romancing to get him in the mood and if a boozy meal and a sensual atmosphere is an aphrodisiac add it in.
Also, you're not being honest with him.
Saying everything's fine when it obviously isn't is not being kind, it's being disingenuous.

Why are you telling him it's good when it isn't?

Premature ejaculation is fairly common and there are things you can do, just google for advice.

Why are you ignoring your own needs to pander to his ego/insecurity? If you're starting to resent him now, it's because you are doing this, and it'll only get worse.

Why have you agreed to marry him? Mismatched sex drives, impossible to communicate with, lies, doesn’t care about making you happy, gets angry and storms off.

How is your self esteem? There are better men, better sex and better relationships out there. Why would you settle for something so awful? You’re not happy. You won’t be happy. He won’t change. The resentment and irritation will get worse by the week.

There’s lots of ha ha in your post, but it’s not funny that you’re putting up with this. Even if he was the best shag on the planet the lying, storming off and refusing to work with you as a team make him a crappy choice.

It's called premature ejaculation and there are things he can do to mitigate it, if he wants things to change. You might find this useful.

If you have a mismatched sex drive, he is selfish and has PE, then I would call it a day OP. If he was going to sort it out, he would have done so in ten years.

That's what I miss . The closeness . But went can't have that because it's over so quick . I always suggest a nice night wine I cook movie quilt down the lot candles but he either falls asleep or does a two min job . He also got really
Mad last year and told me to stop
Asking him for sex or even touch him to say I was in the mood because it was putting him off and making. Him not want it 😳

The crap sex is the least of your issues.

Have you had boyfriends before? What you’re putting up with isn’t normal or healthy.

My self esteem is really low . Crap ten year relationship before him nearly finished me off mentally . Met him and I know I sound awful saying this but I got with him because he was so different to my ex and lived far away so it was kind of an escape
For me . I do love him but it's Been so hard to still be here with him . I have been through a lot with him and his issues . Personally I can't see us lasting if things don't change .not sex wise but a lot of other things . I always ask him if it's me tha he doesn't find attractive and I always say I am willing to change stuff and try new things to make things better but nothing happens . He never says what the issue is .

This is really bad
He should care about your pleasure. He seems immature, and all the storming off/refusing to discuss should be a dealbreaker. Get out now while it's easier than after you're married

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Indeed the crap sex is the very least of your problems here; marriage won't change that.

Why are you settling for so very little here?. Is he all you think you deserve?. Are you really his beard?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

You may well be confusing love with codependency here. Look at codependency in relationships and see how much of this fits in with your own behaviours towards him. He cares not a jot for you and your needs are not less important than his. When it counts he is not there for you in body and or spirit. He belittles you instead.

You basically went from one abusive relationship into yet another one; that often happens and particularly so when boundaries are messed up by previous abuse. Your boundaries are being further mashed by this individual, its of no surprise to me at all that your self esteem is so very low. Your ex started that process of belittling you and wearing you down and this man is further continuing it.

Please find it within yourself to leave this man and enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid; this can be done online as well as in person.

He seems not to know much about women or sex or normal relationships. Do you care enough about this relationship to want to tackle this together or do you think it'll be too much and feel like it's just not worth it?

It actually sounds as if things have never been particularly good between you and yet you've given him 10 years of your life. Based on your OP, you're still young (mid-30s) but you really shouldn't waste any more time with him, particularly if you're hoping to have a family with someone (you don't say whether or not you want DCs).

But even if you don't want DCs - this is just not good enough because it's not a partnership of any kind for you. As PP and you yourself have said - this isn't just about his PE problems (which can often be resolved in any case), it's about his whole attitude to you and to intimacy in the relationship. There are men who can't manage penetrative sex for various reasons but who go out of their way to ensure that their partner receives sexual pleasure through other means. And there are plenty of other means. Whereas your partner is perfectly happy for you to go without. You've been missing out on so much. And you clearly have a healthy sex drive.

This problem is not going to get any better. You've given him 10 years to sort himself out and he's made no effort to do so. Time to move on. Your self-esteem will almost certainly start to improve as soon as you leave him.

If that is how it has been for 10 years the situation is very unlikely to improve.

Can you really go through the rest of your life feeling so unfulfilled?
Get out now, while you are still young!

He sounds crap in other ways anyway (though you haven't gone into the details of the crapness, but I can imagine) so ideally end the relationship. I think I would have 'the ick' as he sounds pathetic.

He could try masturbating more or using the first 'go' to get it out of his system and then go again if possible.

I knew someone who supposedly had this issue in the past and he learned 'tantric sex' techniques to get over it, and then was one of the best lovers I ever had because he could go so long.

But he would have to have the motivation to learn techniques and it doesn't sound like he's motivated.

I grew up with a lot of abuse . Abuse towards me and also my mother and he billion partners and bits on the side. All physically abusive . Not to me but my mother and her partners would fight really bad . Also my father was awful and my mother had to go to a shelter to hide from
Him. The stuff he done in front of me I still remember 20 odd years on . Then my ex was abusive and would cheat on me constantly. But still my mother saying how lucky I was to have him and him wanting me ! He was 11 years older than me . I was basically only a child when we met . I can see how wrong it was now . I was 15 . Then my now partner has worn me down more and I literally just feel stuck . God mad how much has come out just from a quick sex post ha ha

I the 10 years you have been together nothing has ever changed. Do you want this to be the rest of your life, it won't get any better.
He's not interested in your sexual needs, he doesn't even seem interested in his own and he has the audacity to get annoyed when you dare to try to talk about it.
Get out now.

You have done really well getting it off your chest, you know this is not how a loving relationship is supposed to go. You deserve love and happiness and you can still find that with the right person.

He actually made me feel
Like some kind of perv a few months back . I was too scared to have sex with him when it did happen after him saying well texting me whilst I was in work saying about me putting him
Off wanting see with me . If I didn't initiate it we would never have it

Holy moly, you need to end it. Nothing will ever change. Life is too short

Forget his problem (PE), the fact that he doesn't care about your pleasure bothers me even more. So once he's come, that's it, whether you're finished or not? Selfish. I'd be inclined to get the toys out at that point and use them whilst still lying next to him

I'll be straight up with you, you need to leave this relationship. You need to have some time on your own, you need to have time with friends and do fun things. You can even play the field a bit. You won't know yourself when you try this time out of a relationship. You're young, you've been tied for years, what is happening is not good for you. If he won't get help then that's his issue. You can't make him, even if he does get help his sex drive will remain the same so even if he gets the PE sorted he may not want sex more. You have to think Is this the future you want? If you feel like this now it's only going to get worse. Add in children to the mix, there'll be feck all time for anything, and when the mood takes you'll both probably be too tired, it's a vicious circle. You've tried, he is not giving you what you want, you're not asking for much. You are missing out on so much. Go have fun, and when the time is right then think about a relationship where you are more compatible.

Eggysmom you made me laugh at this . That dildo would be down my throat if I done that 😂😂😂😂