To ppl who left a toxic relationship- What was the final straw

[littlerayofsunshine0]

What was the final straw or moment when you realised "fuck this" or couldn't take it anymore??

What was you're next move and what's your story now that you've finally got away.

Are you weighing things up, OP?

I'll answer this when I have a moment, though I've still not got away really.

My ex spat in my face.
He actually ran from my house before I could wipe the spit out my eyes. I packed all his stuff in a bag and left it at the door and had the locks changed.
Never looked back.
I appreciate it's not always that simple

My friend died, and he tried to strangle me whilst I slept (those two aren't connected but I needed both to finally leave. He'd tried to strangle me in my sleep before).

I'm still dealing with picking up the pieces now, but I've had a good, stable, long term relationship since then. And years of therapy.

Definitely weighing things up. I'm ready to leave. I've 2 toddlers with him and I dont want them to grow up thinking mum & dads relationship is how things are supposed to be when you love someone. Hes also been really cutting out my support network of my family who tbh are all I've got left as I've no friends nor social life. I cant take anymore of this.

I cant walk on eggshells anymore. I can see it's going to affect my kids as they don't have a normal life because mummy doesn't have a normal life. Its breaking my heart. I'm just so afraid of being a single mum to a 1.5 and 2.5 yr olds and afraid of being on my own etc but I'm so unhappy that I'm basically locked up and so are my children

Mine wanted to come to work with me (I kid you not) I though Feck this work is my only time of normality. I told him to leave and thankfully he did and years later I’m happy as a pig in shit. It’s been hard at times and times I’ve sat and cried for me and my kids but it’s worth it to be free.

OP, it's really positive that you can see what's happening and recognise the effect it's having on your DC.

I left my abusive husband many years ago, and I can't tell you the relief we all felt existing without him. Even the little things like being able to have someone over or make dinner the way I want - it's amazing and I don't regret leaving for a second!

Keep in touch with your friends and family as best you can and let them know what you want to do if you can do so safely. The support is there for you, but he needs you to believe it's not.

@longinesPrime I cant even begin to tell you how messed up my life is with him just down to simple thing.. Ffs like any other mum when you get the kids to bed that means you get some time to tidy up and prepare for the following day. When my kids are up my house looks like a bomb has hit it, once their in bed that's when I want to get stuff done that I cant do when they are awake. But nope I've zero freedom to do anything he starts getting rude and pissed off at me for making noise ( I literally have to tip toe) cant understand why I dont tidy up during the day than leaving it till 8PM at night..

he dictates meals, what the kids eat, when they go to bed. He just takes over in everything. I don't even feel like a good mother because he just makes me know who's boss by over ruling me and makes decisions for us or I have to ask to do something or to take the kids somewhere etc. I've no life! Cant make decisions myself without first consulting him or if hes not with me asking myself "would it be ok with him if I done x,y or z"

I know it's not normal along with so much else he does. Like the fact if I just say hello to another man it means I want to sleep with him.
He tells me constantly I'm a liar and untrustworthy.
When we have a disagreement he will bring up stuff from the past throughout our 17 years together and just totally confuse the shit out of me that I'm left questioning so many things and exhausted from having to rerun through all the things he dragged up.
Hes such a black and white person and sees nothing in between. Theres no reasoning with him. He argues with my opinions on things to the point I have to sheepishly say I agree with his opinion on the matter because I'm worn out from having to explain my point of view.

Theres just so much more to mention. I totally see it's not normal anymore. Lockdown made me realise that when I noticed lockdown had virtually no effect on my how my "non lockdown" every day life actually is.. And that's really upset me. I'm 34 and I dont want to end up old with this man. He has completely changed the person I was when he first met me. I'm a shadow of that girl now with nothing to show for my life. The day I met him is the day my life ended.

We were in the car (me and ex) about to drive off and my son (not OUR son) drove up in his car, I got out and went and had a word with my son. Got back in the car, and because I wouldn't tell him (ex) the conversation I'd had with my son (I was angry about something he'd done earlier) he turned the car off and said we weren't going anywhere till I told him

Really

That was the straw that broke the poor bleeding long suffering camels back..

Fuck that shit..

When I had to go to court just before Christmas( last December) to get a non molestation order against my ex partner and my little girls father .
I would highly recommend this and you can get a “emergency order “, within 24/48 hours.

It's Abusive OP, please please please do something about it. Even just talk to someone initially, don't let this escalate any further..

I'm a shadow of that girl now with nothing to show for my life. The day I met him is the day my life ended

You will find yourself again, OP, and you will rebuild a far better life for yourself and your DC.

But you can't even begin to do that while you're still treading water with him.

If you have nobody to help you then you should contact Woman’s Aid who will help you and your children.
Or Refuge .

He attacked my daughter!
I should never have let it got to that stage. I should have left years before. But I was too frightened. Three and a half years on and we’re free

This is the 24 hour number for Refuge 0808 2000 247.
They can help you .
Stay safe and if you feel threatened call 999.

That I couldn't stand the way he spoke to me for one final minute.

When he hit me. He'd done similar things before but blamed it on drink, medication etc.
When it happened properly that final time we both knew it had to end.

He then proceeded to blame me and told everyone who would listen that I attacked him for no reason (he had scratches on his neck where I'd fought him off). He cried to his manager and colleagues about how awful I was and filed the divorce papers saying I was violent and abusive (I signed them to get rid of him which in retrospect was stupid). He then refused to leave the house until the deeds were signed over to me, he had his payout in his bank and the divorce was finalised - that took 10 very long months. I'm so glad to be rid of him.
Shame his new partner who he met only days after the attack doesn't know the truth.

There was the day the tide turned: he shoved our innocent, newly walking little boy, and told him that mummy wanted to leave him, to punish me for wanting to go to the shops on my own. I was at my lowest ebb, having been broken down for years. I was alone in a new country, ex had been sacked for being an arsehole at work, i had just been made redundant, we had no money and I was terrified and exhausted. That day something in me broke. I started to make tiny decisions to move towards leaving him, even though consciously I was still trying to fix the marriage.

Then there was the catalyst for finally ending it: he told me calmly that he knew in was being unfaithful to him and nothing I could do would convince him otherwise. I begged and pleaded as I always had, for one awful night. But the next morning I saw I had to go. Suddenly, being a 32 yo single mum to a toddler was less scary than spending the next 50+ years of my life begging my husband not to hate me and to let me be happy.

The time between those two instances was about 18 months.

Funnily enough it took me years to realise that the shoving of our baby was motivated by him believing I was going to the shop to cheat on him somehow. I remember at the time being bewildered by how angry he was about something so innocuous. Much later, as the marriage unravelled completely, there was a small window of time where he tried to be ultra honest as a way to try to win me back - he told me he had never trusted me from the day he met me, and my apparent trust of him was a red flag to him because surely I just didnt care if he cheated on me or not... otherwise why would I be so blasé... nowt as queer as folk.

OP you will get there. Being a single mum of little kids isnt even that hard. The moment I left him I had so much energy... because I was no longer exhausting myself trying to fix a man who was highly motivated to be as horrible as possible to me...

There were several 'last straws' in the last few weeks of my friendship with an FWB

1. It became clear he was only there for me when it suited him, other times he would be out of contact. I felt unfulfilled by this.

2. It became obvious he was only in it for the sex, constant nagging and as soon as we met up he would be pressuring for it, included things I'd already said I didn't want to do. I realized he had exploited, coerced, and manipulated me.

3. Refused to 'finish me off' because he hadn't had the sex acts he wanted.

4. Withdrawal of emotional intimacy and other activities together once I'd told him I no longer wanted a sexual relationship (in an attempt to get me to start up the sex again.) This meant there was nothing in the friendship for me anymore.

Your situation sounds far worse OP. Please make a plan to separate from him.

When he lost it with DS.

Didn't actually injure him, but that was it. I was done. 100% done.

You do know you need to sort out your exit plan OP. You know. And should trust yourself that you are right.

I just had a lightbulb moment that it wasn’t ever going to get better; he’d hurt me quite a bit a few weeks before and then promised it would never hall me again then one night he gave me quite a small push in the grand scheme of things but I just realised that it wasn’t going to stop and I would never have the life I wanted with him.
I told my best friend and told my family who helped me secretly move out within a week. By luck he didn’t know where my sister lived other than a vague part of a city about an hour away and the same with a new job I’d got which was lucky really so he had no way of contacting me apart from by phone which I could control. The emotional side of it took quite a while to recover from: counselling, talking to people and doing a lot of reading on the subject helped.
I left that relationship 7 years ago and am now happily married in what I am confident is a healthy relationship.

You have been with him since you were 17?
How old is he OP?

You need to get out now. He sounds dangerous and you can get help to leave. Speak to your GP and HV so that his behaviour is recorded.

Are you married?

I left a toxic relationship with my mum and about 6 months later left my abusive partner

With my mum The last straw was when we had fell out and she brought my child into it. She had constantly "washed her hands" of all of us through the years, made a big scene of getting someone to collect their belongings and drop them else where.

She did that with my daughters things after an argument and that was it. I had spent my entire life either having mum being friends with me or not speaking to me for months..... there's no way she was doing that to my children. Imagine trying to explain why Nana speaks to them one week then ignores them the next ( I was heavily pregnant and DD was nearly 2 )

My abusive partner - I was with him from 18 to 25 and we had 2 children together

The last straw with him was when he attacked me infront of my daughter because i couldnt stop the baby crying. She started crying too which enraged him further. Once he had finally got off me and left the house she came over to me and tried picking me up, she was crying and saying sorry

I will never forget that day and I still feel guilty now. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head and the fog fell away and I could see what this was doing to my babies. I told her she didnt have to be sorry she hadn't done a thing wrong and I remember crying telling her i was sorry.

The police came and took note of my bruises and marks, I didnt want to press charges. I went to stay with my friend and a few weeks later he messaged me a lot of abuse threatening that if i didnt pay him £100 for the tv HE damaged he was going to ring the police on me

I saw red at that point, i was still covered in bruises and marks, had left my home because i was that frightened and he had the ordasity to try and blackmail me for money? After everything he had done to me?

I rang the police, they came and got a statement. It went to court a few months later and he was found guilty and ordered not to contact me or the children

Court wasnt nice his solicter was horrible but I understand its their job

I was moved to temporary housing and stayed there for 2.2 years and then we got our own home. It's been a tough time and a hard recovery, I still have demons now

But I look at my children and i am so so glad i left everything behind to give them the best chance chance possible