Trying to keep this as brief as I can.
I met a guy on an app, really interesting and successful. A lot older than me (late 40s, I’m in my twenties) but we had so much in common. We FaceTimed for 2 hours a day, for around 3 weeks. He told me his longest relationship was on/off for 2 years, he’s never done the marriage/kids thing.
He seemed perfect- when I requested he had an STI test prior to us meeting he did just that and email me copies of his certificates. He did say he had doubts about my age as he wanted something serious and wondered if at my age I would really want that, I aalssured him I did.
He then paid for me to visit him at his second him in Europe for 5 days- we had an amazing time. Lots of eating out, he toasted over every drinks ‘to many more times here with you’ and even introduced me to his friends, twice! I went for dinner with him and some of his friends and then again I went to a party at his friend’s home. We were introduced as a couple. We only had sex twice in the 5 days as he was honest- with his age and alcohol consumption he can’t always perform. I accepted this as part and parcel of an older man. But he was otherwise still affectionate, cuddling in bed etc. He did mention an ex messaged him asking for money (he is wealthy) and then we had a conversation about exes, etc and he said he had taken my advice and responded to her request based on this. He said his greatest regrets were girls he dated 20 years ago whom he could have had university aged children with by now.
At the party with his friends, a friend of his (female) said to me ‘you know he just really wants kid? He’s with you because he thinks you would be a good mother’. I let this slip and kind of laughed/agreed I hope to have children.
The next day it was time for me to fly back to the U.K., I was hungover but said I had a lovely time and he said ‘it will be great to have you back sometime’ he told me to message him when safely on the flight etc.
So I did... and he asked if I was feeling better. Once home j knew something wasn’t right in the evening, so I messaged saying ‘do you want to see me again as I like you?’ And helps response was ‘we need to talk’. I panicked and tried to call him which he ignored. On the Monday I sent a lengthy message stating I felt anxious about having had unprotected sex, I had trusted he would keep in touch/was serious etc and to say if he does not want to see me again or speak to me to which he responded ‘let’s speak tomorrow’. I then ignored him for 2 days- he then messaged asking how I was saying he was conscious we hadn’t spoken and he hoped I felt better. I then responded saying I felt he had been intentionally cruel to leave me on edge like this, wondering and I felt hurt.
He replied ‘sorry you’re hurt! I’ll call!’
So he called 2 days ago and said essentially that he just needed time, he’s not good at communicating and sometimes he does this. I told him ‘I am not a mind reader and how do I know that? If you don’t want to see me then just say! Because what you have done is cruel’. He was adamant though that he does want to see me, he said ‘ I don’t want this to be the call to end all calls, that’s why I wouldn’t say that. I just needed time.... I hope to see you again.... I might be in the U.K. next week.... I just need time....’
He’s an older guy who has broke up with women in the past, there is no reason why he wouldn’t break up with me. So why is he not? Why the insistence of oh no I don’t want to not see you but now barely contacting me? I pointed out to him that he used to give me 2 hours of his time a day, nothing that significant has changed from what I know to which he replied ‘I know, I just needed time to think, see where this will go etc....’. Why introduce me twice to married friends if the plan was always to end it? I’m so confused. I really liked him and don’t know whether he’s trying to politely dump me (makes no sense why he won’t say this though) or if he is a massive commitment phobe and that’s why he’s never married/kids so is pulling back?